The love of Christ is a
deep that knows no fathoming. It passes knowledge, and telling too; but, thank
God, we can know it, and speak of it too, according to our capacity.

    But let it be understood
that we could never have merited this love. There was nothing in us but
defilement and alienation from God. Therefore, if we are the objects of such
love, it is wholly because it was in Him to love us. If we do love Him, it is
because we have known His love and have been begotten of God who has given us a
life and nature to love.

    There are three aspects
of the love of Christ according to Eph. 5:25-33. Let us ponder them for a
little. First, “Christ … loved the Church, and gave Himself for it.” At this
time the Church was all in the future, and its members were sunk in sin and
distance from God. Yet He loved the Church, and gave Himself for it.

    Looking through the glass
of God’s purpose, He saw where the Church was, and would possess Himself of
that Church, and would lift it up into union with Himself. But that was a
stupendous work which involved all the horrors of Calvary’s cross, of which the
sorrows of Gethsemane were but the dark foreshadowing.

    In Gethsemane He was in
communion with His Father; but on the cross, during those dreadful hours of
darkness, He was having to do with God about sin, and hence the bitter cry, “My
God, My God, why hast Thou forsaken Me?” (Matt. 27:46).

    Did He love the Church?
would He redeem it? would He possess it for Himself? would He bring it into
eternal union with Himself? would He share His glory and kingdom with His
Church? Then all this must be endured. There was no other way. The deep waters
of the death of the cross must be passed through before all this could be brought
about. Who can tell the greatness and the eternal consequences of that work?
who can fathom the love expressed in it?

    Let it be written in gold
across the sky of eternity, “Christ loved the Church, and gave Himself for it”!

    But He is risen. The
glory of the Father claimed Him from the tomb. The One “crucified through
weakness … lives by the power of God” (2 Cor. 13:4), and as Victor has
ascended and set Himself down “on the right hand of the Majesty on high” (Heb.
1:3). But has He forgotten His Church in all her toils, and needs, and
defilements, as she sojourns here in this land of her pilgrimage? Ah, no; that
could not be. What He endured for her on the cross forbids the thought that He
could ever forget her, or the least one that forms a part of her.

    Hence we have the second
aspect of the love of Christ to the Church:“That He might sanctify and cleanse
it with the washing of water by the Word.” This is His present ministry of love
for His Church—He “nourishes and cherishes it.” His great work now is to
sanctify the Church which He has redeemed for Himself by His precious blood.
Down here she is in the midst of evil; contamination abounds on every hand. She
is in danger of association with the world, of allowing the flesh to act, of
Satan’s wiles, of doctrinal evils; thus there is need of His present ministry
as High Priest and Advocate. His great work is to sanctify the Church, to keep
it morally clean, to purify it from every pollution, so that it might enjoy its
privileges of communion and worship (Heb. 10:19-22) and fulfill its
responsibilities as His representative and witness in this world.

    This ministry of love
will go on all the while the Church is here. And what a ministry it is! It is
not a hard, righteous ministry, but what is set forth in John 13. Having loved
His own, He loves them unto the end. During supper He lays aside His garments
and takes a towel and girds Himself. He then pours water into a basin and
proceeds to wash the disciples’ feet, and to wipe them with the towel wherewith
He was girded. How beautiful! Grace shines in every act of the blessed Lord in
this remarkable scene. It all speaks of what He is doing on high for His
wayworn and often defiled saints as they wend their way through a scene
altogether hostile to them. They are not of the world, therefore the world
hates them. Satan’s great object is to break up and blur every bit of testimony
for Christ. Hence his craft and subtlety to lead the people of God into unholy
associations, to allow the flesh, or tolerate evil doctrine—anything that will
bring in the sense of distance between their souls and God, that will becloud
their communion and darken their testimony. Alas, how often he succeeds!

    But the present ministry
of Christ’s love is to purify, to sanctify, to remove all such work of Satan by
the wholesome exercise and self-judgment of the saints, and the application of
the water of the Word. As in Peter’s case, so in the case of each one.
Restoration to God from failure is no parrot work; it goes down deep into the
depths of one’s moral being, as the sin is seen in the light of God’s holiness,
and especially in the light of that love that led the Saviour to that cross of
shame to put it away.

    But soon all this will be
changed, and the day will come of which it is written, “That He might present
it to Himself a glorious Church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such
thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish” (Eph.5:27). This is the
third aspect of the love of Christ to the Church in this passage. As freed from
all the imperfections that characterize her now, how glorious the Church will
be in that day! There will be no sign of defilement or old age, but, holy and
without blemish, she will be suited to the eye and heart of her beloved Lord
and Saviour. Exceeding joy will fill His heart as she is presented before the
presence of His glory; and chastened joy will fill her heart as she finds
herself presented to Him who loved her even unto death. What thoughts of
gratitude and praise will fill her heart as she remembers what she once was,
what she is then, and all the fruit of His own love to her told out in such a
remarkable way!

    If the Lord’s present
ministry of love is to nourish and cherish the Church, what an example for us
in our dealings one with another! But, alas, how little we know how to lay
aside our garments, and in the instinct of holy love get down to wash one
another’s feet! The desire would fill our heart—if in communion with our
Lord—to remove from each other all that which clouds communion with God, brings
in the sense of distance, and hinders our fellowship with each other.

    If one of the members of
our own physical body gets hurt in any way, every other member in our body
seeks to nourish and cherish that member, and they rest not until it is restored
to health. So should it be with the members of the Church of God. To revive, to recover, to restore, to strengthen, should be the object before the mind,
and not to crush, and bruise, and dishearten. The look of love the Lord gave to
Peter, after he denied Him, broke his heart, and sent him out to weep bitterly.
It was a look of love.

    Oh for the ministry of
love among the saints of God! holy love surely, but love that seeks the
good and not the hurt, the uplifting and not the crushing of the fallen one;
that nourishes and cherishes according to the example of our blessed Lord.

    It is well to remember
that while everything else may fail, “Love never fails” (1 Cor. 13:8).

    (From Help and Food, Vol.
27.)

_________________________________________________________________

(FRAGMENT)

    Let us listen in on our
Lord’s high-priestly prayer where we are permitted to hear Him presenting us to
the Father, that in His absence from us we might be kept and sanctified:“And
now I am no more in the world, but these are in the world, and I come to thee.
Holy Father, keep through thine own name those whom Thou hast given me, that
they may be one, as We are…. Sanctify them through thy truth:thy Word is
truth” (John 17:11-17).

    Then He identifies us
with Himself before the Father, and we hear these wondrous words from the
Bridegroom of our hearts:“[THOU] HAST LOVED THEM, AS THOU HAST LOVED ME”
(verse 23).

    Oh, fellow-Christian! do
we truly believe this? Is it taking possession of our hearts? We sing, and
sometimes say to ourselves and to Him, “Wonder of wonders, Jesus loved me!” but
here our Bridegroom presents us before the Father in the same nearness of love
as He Himself enjoys with the Father. May it sanctify us to Himself to be as “a
chaste virgin” espoused to a loving, precious, glorious Bridegroom.

     (From Help and Food,
Vol. 40.)

    There is a principle that
crowns and governs and gives character to all others:it is love. This, in its
root, is the nature of God Himself, the source and perfection of every other
quality that adorns Christian life.

    The distinction between
love and brotherly love is of deep importance; the former is indeed, as we have
just said, the source whence the latter flows; but as this brotherly love
exists in mortal men, it may be mingled in its exercise with sentiments that
are merely human, with individual affection, with the effect of personal
attractions, or that of habit, or suitability in natural character. Nothing is
sweeter than brotherly affections; their maintenance is of the highest
importance in the assembly, but they may degenerate, as they may grow cool; and
if love, if God, does not hold the chief place, they may displace Him, set Him
aside, shut Him out.

    Divine love, which is the
very nature of God, directs, rules, and gives character to brotherly love;
otherwise it is that which pleases us—that is, our own heart—that governs us.
If divine love governs me, I love all my brethren; I love them because they
belong to Christ; there is no partiality. I shall have greater enjoyment in a
spiritual brother; but I shall occupy myself about my weak brother with a love
that rises above his weakness and has tender consideration for it. I shall
concern myself with my brother’s sin, from love to God, in order to restore my
brother, rebuking him if needful; nor, if divine love be in exercise, can
brotherly love, or its name, be associated with disobedience. In a word, God
will have His place in all my relationships. To exact brotherly love in such a
manner as to shut out the requirements of that which God is, and of His claims
upon us, is to shut out God in the most plausible way, in order to gratify our
hearts. Divine love, then, which acts according to the nature, character, and
will of God, is that which ought to direct and characterize our whole Christian
walk, and have authority over every movement of our hearts. Without this, all
that brotherly love can do is to substitute man for God. Divine love is the bond
of perfectness, for it is God, who is love, working in us and making Himself
the governing object of all that passes in the heart.

    “Wherefore I also, after
I heard of your faith in the Lord Jesus, and love unto all the saints, cease
not to give thanks for you, making mention of you in my prayers” (Eph.
1:15,16). This is a very important word in judging of our love. We are all apt
to form a circle, even among the saints of God, to have those whom we prefer,
those who suit us best, whose thoughts, feelings, habits, are more or less the
same as our own, or, at least, are no great trial to us. But this is not love
to the saints. There is more love to ourselves in it than love to them.

    The flesh likes what is
agreeable to us, what does not cause us pain, what is, perhaps, a gratification
to the amiabilities of nature. All that may exist where there is really no
exercise of the new nature, no mighty power of the Spirit of God working in our
hearts. We have always to test our souls and ask how we stand in this. Is the
prominent motive and object of our hearts the Lord Jesus? Is it with Him and
for Him that we think of and feel toward all the saints?

    I fully admit that love
toward the saints cannot, and ought not, to take the same shape toward all. It
must be in the energy and intelligence of the Spirit, varied according to the
call upon love. While one ought to love even a person who is under discipline,
it would be a very great mistake to suppose that your love must be shown in the
same way as if he were not. You do not cease to love him; indeed you never are
in a position and spirit to exercise discipline with the Lord where there is
not love. There may be righteous hatred of the sin, but real love to the
person. It would be better to wait upon God if it be not so in our hearts, till
we can take it up in the spirit of divine grace. There must be, of course, a
dealing in righteousness; but even in dealing with one’s child there ought not
to be such a thing as chastening it in a passion. Anything that merely arises out
of a sudden impulse is not a feeling that glorifies God about evil. Therefore,
in cases of discipline there ought to be self-judgment, and great patience too,
unless it be something so flagrant that to hesitate about it would be culpable
weakness, or want of decision and jealousy for God; for there are some sins so
offensive to God and to man that they ought, if we are sensitive to His
holiness, to be met with grave energy on the very spot. God would have the
arena of the sin to be the scene of its judgment according to His will.

    But in ordinary cases the
same love would wait, and let time be given for the fault to be owned and
repented of. In nine cases out of ten, mistakes arise from precipitancy,
because we are apt to be jealous for our own reputation. O how little have we
realized that we are crucified and dead with Christ! If love unto all the
saints were working in our hearts, there would be less haste.

    (From Lectures on
Ephesians.)

    “Sirs, you are brethren;
why do you wrong one another?” (Acts 7:26). It is evident that though Moses’
interference (referred to in this verse) may savor of fleshly activity, he
keenly felt the unseemly conduct of these two brethren in Israel who strove together—a sad testimony surely to the Egyptians about them.

    Stephen says, “He
supposed his brethren would have understood how God by his hand would deliver
them; but they understood not” (verse 25). We cannot say how far the faith of
Moses carried him at this time, but it is evident that he felt how unbecoming
was their conduct and reproved their unbrotherly ways.

    A similar incident
occurred when the herdsmen of Abram and Lot strove together. The man of faith
said, “Let there be no strife between me and you … for we are brethren”
(Gen. 13:8). Abram, to whom the land belonged by virtue of God’s promise (see
Gen. 12:7), relinquished his claim, and gave up his rights in favor of
Lot—blessed spirit of loving surrender and self-abnegation! What an effectual
way to eliminate strife, which would soon engender a “root of bitterness” and
defile many. Abram’s faith in God produced a moral elevation raising him above
the petty bickering of the herdsmen. At all times God will defend the cause of
those who commit their way to Him.

    Moses sought to impress
upon them the fact of their relationship. “You are brethren.” How unseemly,
therefore, was their conduct! Moses’ appeal has a voice for us also.
United, we can stand against external foes, but internal strife
will surely bring disintegration, and this seems to be the special effort of
the enemy’s attack today against the assemblies of God’s people.

    With purpose the Spirit
of God has written, “Looking diligently lest any man fail of the grace of God;
lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be
defiled” (Heb. 12:15). Let us, then, be careful not to harbor envious thoughts,
suspicions, pride, jealousies—all of which spring from the flesh, which came
under God’s judgment in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ. Let us assiduously
watch against the little differences that arise, remembering that “the beginning
of strife is as when one lets out water” (Prov. 17:14) which may soon become
uncontrollable and devastating.

    A seed of discord had
evidently come up in the assembly at Philippi (Phil. 4:2). What a delicate task
lay before the apostle! They had ministered to his necessities, and while his
heart rejoiced in their fellowship in the gospel (1:5), he felt the need of admonishing
them. But how tenderly, how lovingly, he deals with this difficulty in their
midst! We find no harsh criticism, no thought of “settling things” by apostolic
power. The great antidote to strife he gives in chapter 2:“Let nothing be done
through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other
better than themselves. Look not every man on his own things, but every man
also on the things of others. Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ
Jesus” (verses 4,5). How constantly we need to have this blessed Example before
us! He, before whom all heaven bowed, God’s well-beloved, came here in lowly
grace to serve; humbling Himself, He “became obedient unto death, even
the death of the cross” (verse 8). This was His “mind”; and shall we, the
objects of such grace and love, vaunt ourselves, or seek a place where our Lord
humbled Himself? “Strife” and “vainglory” are surely unbecoming of the
followers of Him who is “meek and lowly of heart.” We owe our all to the
One who died upon a gibbet; how this should humble our pride!

    How natural it is for us
to assert ourselves and to resent anything that might touch our
prestige; how foreign to the flesh to “esteem other better than ourselves,” but
what a blessed mark of the Spirit’s work when this precept characterizes the
saints of God. What a healer of breaches!

    “Finally,” says Peter,
“be all of one mind, having compassion one of another, love as brethren,
be pitiful, be courteous:not rendering evil for evil, or railing for railing,
but contrariwise blessing; knowing that you are thereunto called, that you
should inherit a blessing” (1 Pet. 3:8,9).

     (From Help and Food,
Vol. 43).

Mutual Submission

    “Be not drunk with wine
… submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God” (Eph. 5:18,21). I
have linked these two verses together because verse 18 is the beginning of the
sentence that ends with verse 21. What is the connection? One who is drunk with
wine is controlled by the wine, just as one who is “filled with the Spirit”
(verse 18) is controlled by the Spirit. In like manner, our relationships with
one another are not to be characterized by seeking to control one another but
rather by submitting one to another under the control of God.

    Verse 21 applies to the
Christian marriage relationship as much as it applies to every other
relationship among God’s people. However, the specific manner of this mutual
submission differs for wives and husbands. Wives, before you decide you don’t
like this passage, please read the instructions given to your husbands as well
as those given to you.

Submission by Wives

    “Wives, submit yourselves
unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the
wife, even as Christ is the head of the Church; and He is the Saviour of the
body. Therefore as the Church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to
their own husbands in every thing. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ
also loved the Church, and gave Himself for it…. So ought men to love their
wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man
ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the
Lord the Church” (Eph. 5:22-29).

    First, the wife is to
submit herself to her husband, as the Church is subject unto Christ. What does
this entail? Let us note first that the One to whom the Church is to be subject
is all-knowing, all-wise, righteous, good, and loving. His commandments and
actions and decisions are not grievous but for the blessing of the Church (1
John 5:3). So it is in the best interests of the Church to listen carefully to
all that Christ enjoins and to obey implicitly and unquestioningly.

    Let me ask you wives a
question:If your husband were totally Christlike, if every household decision
he made and everything he did for you were in accordance with God’s will and in
the best interests of you and your family, would you have any difficulty being
submissive to him? Once when I asked this question in a home Bible study a lady
responded, “Yes.” It turned out that her problem with submission was much
broader than toward her husband; she didn’t want to have to be submissive to
God. This attitude was similarly expressed by a woman who said, “For me, would
I describe Jesus as my master? No. Would I describe Jesus as my mentor?
Absolutely.” In other words, Jesus could be her teacher as long as she remained
free to decide for herself what she wanted to accept and follow and what she
wanted to reject. So if you have a problem with submitting to your husband, ask
yourself first of all if you have a more basic problem of being submissive to
God and to the Holy Scriptures.

    Most often, however, a
Christian wife’s problem with submitting to her husband comes from the fact
that her husband is not all-knowing and all-wise; he may not
always be seeking to do God’s will; rather than always being good and loving he
may at times act out of selfish interests. Is the wife to suppress all her own
thoughts, knowledge, and wisdom, and quietly, submissively leave all decisions,
large and small, to her husband? In Gen. 2:18 we read that “the Lord God said,
It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for
him [that is, a helper suited to him].” Thus, since the husband, unlike Christ,
is not all-knowing, all-wise, and completely unselfish, he should value
the help and input of his wife in the decision-making process. If she feels
that a decision he has made or is about to make is contrary to God’s mind, or
may be harmful to the family or to others, or is in any other way unwise, she
should be free—as his helpmate—to communicate in a loving way her disagreement
and her suggestions for a more appropriate course of action. Such communication
is for the good of all and should be encouraged by the husband.

    What about those areas in
which the wife’s expertise and experience far exceed the husband’s? In
situations like this, it is important to observe the order laid down in
Scripture:“The head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the
man; and the head of Christ is God” (1 Cor. 11:3). The husband may be willing
to delegate completely some areas of household decision making to his wife.
However, he must realize that God has appointed to him the ultimate
authority and responsibility for the running of the household; thus he must
keep in close communication with his wife on such matters and be prepared at
least to share in the responsibility for any unwise decisions made by his wife.

    Husbands often are quite
happy to delegate all child discipline responsibilities to their wives.
However, the Book of Proverbs makes it clear that the Father needs to take the
lead in this regard. “My son, hear the instruction of your father, and forsake
not the law of your mother” (Prov. 1:8; also 4:1; 6:20; 13:1; 15:5). “Whom the
LORD loves He corrects, even as a father the son in whom he delights” (Prov.
3:12; also 13:24). If he delegates this authority to his wife while he is away
at work, he needs to affirm his backing of the mother’s discipline when he
returns home.

Love by Husbands

    Let us now focus more
directly upon the husband. On his part there is to be no lording over his wife
just because she is to be submissive to him. She is not his slave to do his bidding
nor his property to use as he pleases. The Lord Jesus gives a very clear and
strong message that can apply to husbands who go overboard in asserting their
headship over their wives:“He who is greatest among you, let him be as the
younger; and he who is chief, as he who serves” (Luke 22:26). As head of the
wife and head of the household, the husband has the primary responsibility to
see that all of the material, physical, instructional, emotional, and spiritual
needs of his wife and children are provided for.

    In full agreement with
this we have the word to husbands in Ephesians 5—“love your wives.” This love
is far deeper and inclusive than romantic love, or the love that is associated
with physical intimacy. Husbands are to love their wives “even as Christ also
loved the Church, and gave Himself for it.” This is agape love, that
self-sacrificing love that seeks the benefit and blessing of others, whatever
may be the cost to oneself. So the decisions made by the husband, if he is
filled with love for his wife and family, will be designed to please his wife;
thus he will draw upon the wisdom of his wife and seek to have her share in
every household and family decision.

    The model presented by
Christ to Christian husbands does not stop there:“That He might sanctify and
cleanse it with the washing of water by the Word, that He might present it to
Himself a glorious Church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but
that it should be holy and without blemish. So ought men to love their wives as
their own bodies…. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh, but nourishes and
cherishes it, even as the Lord the Church.” What a tremendous contrast is this
to what, sadly, has been meted out by all too many Christian husbands to their
wives! Wives have been brutally beaten, sexually abused, emotionally
traumatized, or almost totally ignored by their Christian husbands, all in the
name of the headship of the husband. For shame!! Let every Christian husband
examine whether he so values his wife that he nourishes and cherishes her,
helping her—and encouraging her to help him—to grow in holiness and likeness to
Christ.

Final Authority

    There may yet, with all
this, be matters on which the couple continues to disagree, even after
patiently discussing each other’s viewpoints and even after praying together
about the matter. In such a case, it must be recognized that God has ordered
that final authority rest with the husband and that the wife is to submit to
his decision. If it is a decision which the wife feels could lead to adverse
consequences for the family (for example, purchase of a luxury item beyond the
family’s financial means), the wife might still pray that the Lord will deal
directly with her husband to prevent or undo the decision or action; she should
also pray for patience and seek the Lord’s help to do whatever she can to
minimize the possible adverse consequences of the decision upon the family.

    If any of our female
readers resent the fact that God has granted to the husbands the final
authority for running the household, please realize that at all levels of
society there is a need for a chain of command, an ultimate authority.
Otherwise there would be anarchy. Thus, God has given parents to be over the
children; teachers over the pupils; employers over the employees; mayors,
governors, and presidents over the people in political subdivisions. The
“powers that be” are ministers of God for good (Rom. 13:1-4). All the more
should the Christian husband be a minister of God for the good and blessing of
his wife and children.

    It has been observed that
in non-Christian households, or households in which the Holy Scriptures serve
as bookends rather than floodlights, a great deal of time and emotional energy
is spent by newlyweds trying to establish who will be the head and who will
take primary responsibility for the various household activities. Isn’t it a
blessing for Bible-believers that God has already settled those questions?
Well, maybe. It will only be a blessing if both husband and wife seriously follow
the model provided in Ephesians 5.

    In conclusion, when the
husband and wife can learn to work together, communicate their feelings and
desires to each other in a friendly and loving atmosphere, make decisions
jointly which are motivated by the desire for the welfare of each other and the
family and the glory of God, and follow the scriptural order of wives being
submissive to their husbands if agreement cannot be reached, there will be a
strong basis for a truly happy marriage.

    Two Greek words found in
the New Testament have the meaning “love.” One of these words is familiar to us
because of the common derivatives of it which are in use today, such as
philosophy, philanthropy, and hemophilia. This Greek word is philia. The
corresponding verb is phileo. Philia is a word used to denote the love
and affection typically found between friends, relatives, and husband and wife.
It basically refers to a love which is manifested in response to pleasure found
in a person or object. It is based on having things in common with the person
or object loved. Today we use the word “like” to express philia love.

    The other word is agape
(pronounced a-ga’-pay). The corresponding verb is agapao. This word
refers to love which is awakened by a sense of value or preciousness in a
person or object. It is a love of esteem or prizing. It is often manifested in
self-sacrifice for the benefit of the one loved.

    Perhaps the best example
of the use of agapao is found in John 3:16:“For God so loved the
world.” Clearly phileo would be inappropriate here, for there is nothing
in a lost sinner that the heart of God can find pleasure in. God does, however,
love each lost sinner because of the value He places on that lost soul. Each
soul is precious to God because He sees His own image in it (Gen. 1:26), even
though this image is marred by sin. Further, each soul is made of material which,
through redemption, can be transformed into the image of His Son (Rom. 8:29).
This agape-love which God has for sinners is clearly also a
self-sacrificial love, as witnessed by His giving His only begotten Son to die
for those who were completely unloving and unlovable.

    The contrast between agapao
and phileo is illustrated in a striking way in John 21:15-17 where
Jesus asks Simon Peter three times whether he loves Him. Recall that before the
crucifixion Peter had boasted that though all men should be offended because of
Christ, yet he would never be offended (Matt. 26:33-35). It soon became evident
how little Peter knew his own heart when he denied his Lord three times. In
John 21, we see Jesus coming to Peter in His matchless love and grace to search
out Peter’s heart in order to bring about his restoration. His first question
recalls Peter’s boast:“Do you love (agapao) Me more than these?”
Peter’s answer employs phileo rather than agapao:“Yes, Lord;
Thou knowest that I love Thee.” In other words, Peter, remembering his base
denial, distrusts himself to the extent that he does not claim to have the agape-love,
that love of devotion and self-sacrifice, for the Lord. He does, however,
claim to be fond of the Lord.

    Jesus asks Peter again if
he loves (agapao) Him. This time He does not try to compare Peter’s love
with the love of the other disciples but seems to ask whether Peter has any love
for Him. Again Peter answers the Lord that he loves (phileo) Him.

    A third time Jesus asks,
“Do you love Me?” We read that “Peter was grieved because He said unto him the
third time, Do you love Me.” The difference of one word in the Lord’s question
the third time causes Peter to be grieved. The first two times Jesus used the
word agapao, but the third time He used phileo. Thus Peter is
overcome with sorrow—no doubt that “godly sorrow which is unto repentance” (see
2 Cor. 7:10)—when he realizes that his denial at the crucifixion caused Jesus
to question whether he was even His friend, whether he even had any philia-love
or affection for Him. All the disciple can do now is fall back on the
Lord’s omniscience and say, “Lord, thou knowest all things; thou knowest that I
love (phileo) thee.” Thus, the Lord has succeeded in reaching into
Peter’s heart and working out repentance and restoration.

    Another very instructive
passage in which both words for love are found is 1 Pet. 1:22:“Seeing you have
purified your souls in obeying the truth through the Spirit unto unfeigned love
of the brethren, see that you love one another with a pure heart fervently.” We
might wonder why the exhortation to love one another is given to saints who are
already loving one another. The answer is that the unfeigned love which they
already displayed was philia-love, but they were exhorted to manifest agape-love
one to another. Because of their obedience to the truth, these saints had
common interests, attitudes, likes, and dislikes, and thus enjoyed fellowship
with one another. Hence, there was no deficiency of philia-love among
them. But the apostle well knew that that kind of love does not manifest itself
in self-denial for the benefit of the one loved, and that it tends to “wear
thin” with stress and strain. Thus, the agape-love is exhorted upon the
saints. This is the love that is long-suffering, kind, not easily provoked, not
puffed up, never failing (see 1 Cor. 13). It is also the love that is
self-sacrificing for the blessing of another. Suppose I find my brother taken
in a fault (Gal. 6:1). I may play down or overlook the evil and may decline to
seek his deliverance from the matter in order to keep our friendship intact. On
the other hand, my philia-love may fail if I am being offended by my
brother. I may become offended because of my brother’s failure, or it may be
because of my brother’s faithfulness in speaking to me of some inconsistency in
my own walk. If I manifest agape-love, I will seek the restoration of my
brother, even if it may jeopardize our friendship. And with agape-love I
will bear with those things in my brother that irritate my old nature.

    No doubt it is due to the
lack of agape-love on the part of marriage partners that there is such a
high rate of divorce in the world. The Christian, unlike the rest of the world,
has this love shed abroad in his heart (Rom. 5:5), and thus should manifest it
more in his marriage relationship. Husbands are exhorted in Eph. 5:25 to love
their wives, “even as Christ also loved (agapao) the Church and gave
Himself for it.” What an example we have in Christ! Notice the “giving”
character of agape-love.

     It is instructive to
notice that while agapao is the only appropriate word when God’s love
for sinners is the subject, both agapao and phileo are used in
reference to the Father’s love for His saints:“He who has My commandments and
keeps them, he it is who loves Me; and he who loves (agapao) Me shall be
loved (agapao) of My Father” (John 14:21). “The Father Himself loves (phileo)
you because you have loved (phileo) Me” (John 16:27). How blessed it is
to realize that our Father loves us not only with a “giving” love but also with
a love produced by communion with us and the deriving of pleasure in us. It is
because we love Christ that we are loved by the Father. We have interests in
common with the Father, namely, our love for Christ and our thoughts concerning
our Saviour, and thus our Father has affection for us. May it be the desire of
each of us to manifest both kinds of love, the agape love of esteem and
self-denial and the philia love of appreciation and friendship, toward
both our Lord and our brethren.