Two Greek words found in
the New Testament have the meaning “love.” One of these words is familiar to us
because of the common derivatives of it which are in use today, such as
philosophy, philanthropy, and hemophilia. This Greek word is philia. The
corresponding verb is phileo. Philia is a word used to denote the love
and affection typically found between friends, relatives, and husband and wife.
It basically refers to a love which is manifested in response to pleasure found
in a person or object. It is based on having things in common with the person
or object loved. Today we use the word “like” to express philia love.
The other word is agape
(pronounced a-ga’-pay). The corresponding verb is agapao. This word
refers to love which is awakened by a sense of value or preciousness in a
person or object. It is a love of esteem or prizing. It is often manifested in
self-sacrifice for the benefit of the one loved.
Perhaps the best example
of the use of agapao is found in John 3:16:“For God so loved the
world.” Clearly phileo would be inappropriate here, for there is nothing
in a lost sinner that the heart of God can find pleasure in. God does, however,
love each lost sinner because of the value He places on that lost soul. Each
soul is precious to God because He sees His own image in it (Gen. 1:26), even
though this image is marred by sin. Further, each soul is made of material which,
through redemption, can be transformed into the image of His Son (Rom. 8:29).
This agape-love which God has for sinners is clearly also a
self-sacrificial love, as witnessed by His giving His only begotten Son to die
for those who were completely unloving and unlovable.
The contrast between agapao
and phileo is illustrated in a striking way in John 21:15-17 where
Jesus asks Simon Peter three times whether he loves Him. Recall that before the
crucifixion Peter had boasted that though all men should be offended because of
Christ, yet he would never be offended (Matt. 26:33-35). It soon became evident
how little Peter knew his own heart when he denied his Lord three times. In
John 21, we see Jesus coming to Peter in His matchless love and grace to search
out Peter’s heart in order to bring about his restoration. His first question
recalls Peter’s boast:“Do you love (agapao) Me more than these?”
Peter’s answer employs phileo rather than agapao:“Yes, Lord;
Thou knowest that I love Thee.” In other words, Peter, remembering his base
denial, distrusts himself to the extent that he does not claim to have the agape-love,
that love of devotion and self-sacrifice, for the Lord. He does, however,
claim to be fond of the Lord.
Jesus asks Peter again if
he loves (agapao) Him. This time He does not try to compare Peter’s love
with the love of the other disciples but seems to ask whether Peter has any love
for Him. Again Peter answers the Lord that he loves (phileo) Him.
A third time Jesus asks,
“Do you love Me?” We read that “Peter was grieved because He said unto him the
third time, Do you love Me.” The difference of one word in the Lord’s question
the third time causes Peter to be grieved. The first two times Jesus used the
word agapao, but the third time He used phileo. Thus Peter is
overcome with sorrow—no doubt that “godly sorrow which is unto repentance” (see
2 Cor. 7:10)—when he realizes that his denial at the crucifixion caused Jesus
to question whether he was even His friend, whether he even had any philia-love
or affection for Him. All the disciple can do now is fall back on the
Lord’s omniscience and say, “Lord, thou knowest all things; thou knowest that I
love (phileo) thee.” Thus, the Lord has succeeded in reaching into
Peter’s heart and working out repentance and restoration.
Another very instructive
passage in which both words for love are found is 1 Pet. 1:22:“Seeing you have
purified your souls in obeying the truth through the Spirit unto unfeigned love
of the brethren, see that you love one another with a pure heart fervently.” We
might wonder why the exhortation to love one another is given to saints who are
already loving one another. The answer is that the unfeigned love which they
already displayed was philia-love, but they were exhorted to manifest agape-love
one to another. Because of their obedience to the truth, these saints had
common interests, attitudes, likes, and dislikes, and thus enjoyed fellowship
with one another. Hence, there was no deficiency of philia-love among
them. But the apostle well knew that that kind of love does not manifest itself
in self-denial for the benefit of the one loved, and that it tends to “wear
thin” with stress and strain. Thus, the agape-love is exhorted upon the
saints. This is the love that is long-suffering, kind, not easily provoked, not
puffed up, never failing (see 1 Cor. 13). It is also the love that is
self-sacrificing for the blessing of another. Suppose I find my brother taken
in a fault (Gal. 6:1). I may play down or overlook the evil and may decline to
seek his deliverance from the matter in order to keep our friendship intact. On
the other hand, my philia-love may fail if I am being offended by my
brother. I may become offended because of my brother’s failure, or it may be
because of my brother’s faithfulness in speaking to me of some inconsistency in
my own walk. If I manifest agape-love, I will seek the restoration of my
brother, even if it may jeopardize our friendship. And with agape-love I
will bear with those things in my brother that irritate my old nature.
No doubt it is due to the
lack of agape-love on the part of marriage partners that there is such a
high rate of divorce in the world. The Christian, unlike the rest of the world,
has this love shed abroad in his heart (Rom. 5:5), and thus should manifest it
more in his marriage relationship. Husbands are exhorted in Eph. 5:25 to love
their wives, “even as Christ also loved (agapao) the Church and gave
Himself for it.” What an example we have in Christ! Notice the “giving”
character of agape-love.
It is instructive to
notice that while agapao is the only appropriate word when God’s love
for sinners is the subject, both agapao and phileo are used in
reference to the Father’s love for His saints:“He who has My commandments and
keeps them, he it is who loves Me; and he who loves (agapao) Me shall be
loved (agapao) of My Father” (John 14:21). “The Father Himself loves (phileo)
you because you have loved (phileo) Me” (John 16:27). How blessed it is
to realize that our Father loves us not only with a “giving” love but also with
a love produced by communion with us and the deriving of pleasure in us. It is
because we love Christ that we are loved by the Father. We have interests in
common with the Father, namely, our love for Christ and our thoughts concerning
our Saviour, and thus our Father has affection for us. May it be the desire of
each of us to manifest both kinds of love, the agape love of esteem and
self-denial and the philia love of appreciation and friendship, toward
both our Lord and our brethren.