Marriage is a lifetime commitment (Gen. 2:24; Matt. 19:5, 6). It should not be entered into
quickly or lightly. The following paragraphs, compiled from various sources, give some thoughts
from Scripture and from human experience which may help a couple in determining whether God
wants them to marry each other; and, if so, how best to prepare for marriage. Various kinds of
incompatibilities, warning signs, potential problem areas, and questions to be asked of one another
are presented below for consideration by couples contemplating marriage.

* * *

One of the prime considerations when one is contemplating marriage is an understanding of the
roles of both the husband and the wife. Who in the marriage relationship will be responsible for
what? Both partners must clearly understand the teachings on the marriage relationship that are
presented in the Epistles (Eph. 5:22-33; Col. 3:18,19; 1 Pet. 3:1-7) and they must agree to live
by these teachings.

* * *

A matter often overlooked as unimportant is the matter of in-law relationships. Many a young man
has said, "I am not marrying her family; I am marrying her." But in marrying her, he is, in a
sense, marrying her family, for she brings into the marriage relationship all her family
background. And so does he. If it has always been understood in a girl’s family that the entire clan
gathers at Grandma’s house every Sunday afternoon, then a habit has been formed that may be
difficult to alter. If this girl plans to marry a young man who comes from a background where
everyone stays at home on Sunday afternoon reading the paper, resting, or whatever, a decision
will have to be made. How much better it is if the decision can be reached before the wedding so
as to avoid conflict and hurt feelings early in the marriage.

* * *

Another question which should be discussed before the knot is tied has to do with service for the
Lord. By the time young people have reached "marrying age" many of them have made
commitments to the Lord concerning their future lives. These may relate to service overseas as
missionaries of one type or another, or they may deal with ministries on the home front. It is not
enough simply to be committed to Christ as an individual. In marriage, the two become one, and
the "one" which is created through marriage must be free to follow God’s leading. It is far better
for both partners to know they are heading in the same direction with regard to service for the
Lord before the wedding day than to assume so, only to learn later that they had different goals
in mind.

* * *

Notice what the servant of Abraham looked for with regard to the girl that he was hoping to find
for Isaac:"And she said, Drink, my Lord; and she hasted, and let down her pitcher upon her

hand, and gave him drink. And when she had done giving him drink, she said, I will draw water
for thy camels also, until they have done drinking. And she hasted . . . and drew for all his
camels" (Gen. 24:18-20). Here was a young lady who, I believe, was born into a fairly wealthy
family, but she had a servant’s heart. Ruth also had a servant’s heart. Ruth 2 gives the actual
account of how she had worked all day out in the field, and then when she came back, she took
time yet that evening to beat out the grain. A Christian person considering marriage should
similarly look for a man or a woman of principle and of kindness, one willing to make
himself/herself available to minister to the needs of others.

* * *

Both must have the approval of their parents as to their marriage. Their parents, in many cases,
may not be believers, but they ought to be in agreement that it is appropriate for these two young
people to be married. The marriage of Isaac and Rebekah received the approval of both their
fathers (Gen. 24:40,51).

* * *

It is important to see how each treats his/her parents. Girls, how does he treat his mother? I have
seen again and again that the man who is unkind to his mother is going to treat his wife in the
same way. And fellows, how does she respond to the authority of her parents? I have had to point
out to more than one young man how his future wife resists the authority of her mother and father
and simply does as she pleases. I can assure such a young man that such a girl will do that same
thing to him once the honeymoon is over.

* * *

Marriage demands stability. Therefore a couple should be realistic and do some serious thinking
before they sign. An honest evaluation should be made of the intended partner in such areas as
school, jobs, friends (of both sexes), church, family relationships, goals for the future, and
spiritual devotion. Ask these questions:Does he have a certain type of vocation in view, or does
he keep changing his mind? Does he keep his same Christian friends for a number of years? Does
he consistently get along well with his parents? Answers to these questions will tell you whether
he is stable or a vacillating person.

* * *

Marriage is companionship. In addition to loving one another, the couple intending marriage
should like each other. They should make sure they can be happy just being good companions.
I assure them that there is the ecstasy of physical love. But in marriage a large amount of tune is
spent "companioning"_going places together, doing things together, washing the dishes together,
talking together, training and caring for the children together_ just being companions and friends.

* * *

Questions for the pre-engaged to consider:
1 . Are the two of you on an equal spiritual plane?
        2. Are your family backgrounds similar in culture? tradition? economic, educational, and social
status?
3. Do you agree on each other’s career choices?
4. Do you agree on moral values?
5. Are you listening to your parents’ observations?
6. Do you share common likes and dislikes in recreation? entertainment? friends?
7. Do you enjoy one another’s appearance? sense of humor? attitudes toward life? achievements?
personality? emotions? habits of cleanliness?

If you have more No than Yes answers, could you overlook these differences during a lifetime
together?

* * *

Some things to consider carefully and prayerfully together during engagement:

1. Are you both grounded hi Bible doctrine?
2. Can you freely discuss your spiritual convictions?
3. Do you pray aloud with one another?
4. Do you memorize Scripture together?
5. Are there any serious differences in your spiritual concepts?
6. Are you both concerned with ministering to the lost?
7. Do you both desire to develop your gifts, as outlined in Romans 12?
8. Do you enjoy fellowshiping with other Christians?
9. What were your relationships with brothers and sisters, father and mother? How were
disagreements handled in the home?
10. Are you a night person or a day person?
11. Can you get along with your future mate’s parents without conflict?
12. Would you ever gossip to your parents about your mate’s weaknesses?
13. Do you agree on the geographical location of your permanent residence?
14. What are your short-term and long-range goals?
15. What are your spending (and saving) habits?
16. Are you equally punctual? equally neat?
17. How do you resolve arguments?
18. Do you hold grudges?
19. Can you forgive your mate-to-be for any past wrong
doing?
20. Do you ever blame anyone else for your mistakes?

* * *

It is inevitable that some differences will exist in personality, attitudes, goals, etc. between the
man and woman who plan to marry. The marriage is not doomed because of such differences per

se. However, an engaged couple ought to understand that marriage will accentuate their
differences. Therefore, all differences should be discussed and understood and steps taken during
engagement to accept what they see without criticism and without selfish demands. The-key to
success in marriage is to agree to disagree agreeably.

One wife said a year after the wedding, "During the engagement I was so afraid of losing him that
although I noticed a lot of things I did not like, I didn’t say anything. I thought things would get
better after the wedding. Now all we do is fight." But why wait until after marriage to discover
differences? The pre-engagement period is far more important than people realize; and the
engagement is crucial, for it prepares a couple for marriage. Since a successful marriage depends
on constant communication, the engaged couple must talk, talk, talk.

What is the most familiar chapter in the Bible? What Psalm is read and quoted more often by
young and old than any other Psalm? Without a doubt the answer to these two questions would
be Psalm 23. This Psalm has been the subject of countless books and songs. It has been the source
of comfort and strength to the Lord’s people since the time it was written. The treasures of truth
in this precious Psalm have never been_and never will be_exhausted.

There is an attraction to the Psalm which people find when they read it and meditate upon it.
There are at least two reasons for this. First, its simple and direct language makes it easy to
understand. Only four words out of the 118 words in the Psalm have more than two syllables, and
these four have only three syllables. Second, the personal element is very strong. Seventeen times
the personal pronouns /, me, my, and mine are used. The simple yet precious truths become very
easy to apply, personally. It is this which brings joy and comfort to the reader.

It is impossible, however, to know this joy and comfort without personally knowing the Lord
Jesus as Saviour, as the Good Shepherd who gave His life for the sheep (John 10:11). This is the
subject of the preceding Psalm (Psalm 22), which presents the Lord Jesus dying for our sins upon
the cross.

Psalm 23 presents the Lord Jesus as the Great Shepherd of the sheep. "Now the God of peace, that
brought again from the dead our Lord Jesus, that great Shepherd of the sheep, through the blood
of the everlasting covenant, make you perfect in every good work to do His will, working in you
that which is well pleasing in His sight, through Jesus Christ; to whom be glory for ever and ever"
(Heb. 13:20,21). It is this great Shepherd who is introduced to us in the opening words of this
Psalm. "The Lord is my Shepherd." "The Lord." Who is He? None other than Jehovah, the great
"I Am" of the Old Testament (Exod. 3:14; John 8:58). I look up at the heavens; "I see the stars;
I hear the rolling thunder." I see His "power throughout the universe displayed." I realize that
these heavens, the moon and the stars are the work of the fingers of the One I call my Shepherd!
(Psalm 8:3). I see His greatness in creation. I see His love in the cross. It was there in the
darkness of Calvary that my Shepherd bore my sins on the cross. What love! What mercy! The
poet has expressed it in these touching words:

"But none of the ransomed ever knew
How deep were the waters crossed,
Nor how dark was the night
Which the Lord passed through,
Ere He found His sheep which was lost."

How our hearts thrill to say, "The Lord is my Shepherd.”

This brings us to the first personal pronoun in the Psalm:"My Shepherd." Every one of the
personal pronouns used in this Psalm conveys to us the nearness of this Great Shepherd. But can
any one of them exceed the joy and the wonder of this first one? "The Lord is my Shepherd."
"Oh, how blest to call Him mine." Each believer in the Lord Jesus is entitled by faith to say, "My

beloved is mine and I am His" (Song of Sol. 2:16). Not only is He our Shepherd, but we are the
sheep of His pasture (Psalm 100:3).

"The Lord is my Shepherd." We cannot fully appreciate the Lord’s care of us being likened to that
of a shepherd until we understand the work of a shepherd. David, the writer of this Psalm, knew
from firsthand experience what it meant to be a good shepherd. It was not a part-time job. This
was especially true when the shepherd was also the owner of the sheep. It involved taking care
of the sheep twenty-four hours a day. The shepherd must be constantly on the watch for enemies
of the sheep. David risked his life to protect his sheep from a lion and a bear. The shepherd must
have foresight and skill so that he can lead his sheep to green pastures and to a good supply of
water. The good shepherd takes personal interest in each sheep, giving special care to the young
lambs and those that are sick. He will endure personal hardship and danger to rescue a lost sheep.
Through all kinds of weather the good shepherd will stay by his sheep. This pictures to us in a
small way what the Lord Jesus wants to be to each one of His sheep. An earthly shepherd may
grow tired or may become careless; our Shepherd will never"slumber nor sleep" (Psalm 121:4).
He is always near us and will never leave nor forsake us. No wonder that David can say in the
presence of this Shepherd, "I shall not want." It matters not what my circumstances may be. My
Shepherd knows them perfectly and I can leave myself in His hands. I may experience suffering
and pain, or the loss of a loved one may bring a feeling of loneliness. In all of these things the
consciousness of the presence of my Shepherd will lead me to say, "I shall not want." Many years
after this was written the apostle Paul wrote, "I have learned to be content in whatever
circumstances I am. I know how to get along with humble means, and I also know how to get
along with prosperity; in any and every circumstance I have learned the secret of being filled and
going hungry, both of having abundance and suffering need" (Phil. 4:11,12 NASV).

It is good to notice that even the apostle Paul had to say, "I have learned to be content," etc. Being
satisfied with our present circumstances is not something we learn quickly. It is only as we see
His hand in the trials which come into our lives that we find His grace sufficient for every need
(2 Cor. 12:9). The hymn writer expresses this so beautifully in the following words:

"My times are in Thy Hand; Father, I wish them there;
My life, my soul, my all I leave entirely to Thy care.
My times are in Thy Hand, whatever they may be,
Pleasing or painful, dark or bright, as best may seem to Thee."

It is the desire of our great Shepherd to bring us into green pastures. "He maketh me to lie down
in green pastures." This pictures to us rest and contentment. Shepherds tell us that before a sheep
will lie down and rest it must be

1. free from fear of enemies outside the flock,
2. free from fear of friction from other sheep within the flock,
3. free from irritation of bugs and ticks which get in its skin and wool, and
4. free from hunger.

What is it that will free a sheep from the fear of enemies outside and friction within the flock? It

is the knowledge that the shepherd is near. Very often the shepherd will sing to make His presence
known. A good shepherd will see that his sheep are treated for ticks and bugs. He will see that
the sheep are cared for and fed. With their stomachs full, their every need met, and the shepherd
near, the sheep will lie down and rest.

We too, like sheep, have real fears which we must have removed before we can lie down and rest
in green pastures. There may be the fear of what tomorrow will bring, or the fear that I may not
be able to do my work well enough, whether it be at school, at home, in the office, or the shop.
There may be the fear that I may not be able to live up to the expectations of others, or the fear
of being unable to provide the things my family needs. There may be anxiety and worry about the
children or a sick member of the family. Whatever the fear, worry, or care, what is it that will
calm us and remove our fears? Is it not the knowledge that our Great Shepherd is near? That One
who has said to us, "I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee. So that we may boldly say, The
Lord is my helper, and / will not fear what man shall do unto me" (Heb. 13:5,6). "What time /
am afraid, I will trust in Thee" (Psalm 56:3). "I will trust and not be afraid" (Isa. 12:2). "Thou
wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on Thee, because he trusteth in Thee" (Isa.
26:3). Yes, the knowledge that He is with us will calm every fear and give us to rest in perfect
peace upon Himself. Our Lord Jesus can meet every need of our lives_the great burdens, the
small irritations, the pains and the hurts. As we bring our burden to the Lord and by faith cast it
upon Him, we will find His sustaining power (Psalm 55:22). We then can feed upon His Word,
meditate upon it, and find rest in those green pastures.

Our Great Shepherd also wants to lead us. "He leadeth me." Sheep are often silly, stupid animals.
They have a tendency to go off on their own rather than follow the shepherd’s leading. The
pasture looks so good elsewhere and soon the sheep is off on his own. It is then that the sheep
finds himself alone facing enemies which are too great for him. The sheep may fall down a cliff
and find himself in a place from which it is impossible to get out. Often it may cost the sheep its
life. How this is like ourselves! We think that we know what is best for us and we go off on a path
of our own choosing without the assurance of God’s will. It may be a new job in a different city.
It may be the purchase of a home or a car, or the choice of a school or college. It may be the
choice of a profession or career, or the choice of a husband or wife. In each of these things we
need to be able to say, "He leadeth me." To choose our own way will surely, in the end, bring
sorrow and regret into our lives. We will miss the green pastures and quiet waters that the Lord
had for us and our lives will become barren and without spiritual purpose and meaning. How does
He lead us? He leads us by His Word. "Thy Word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my
path" (Psalm 119:105). As we meditate upon His Word we will be guided in each situation by the
general principles given in the Word. We will be sensitive to the Spirit’s leading and guiding
through the Word. The Holy Spirit may bring to our remembrance a particular scripture which
will be used by God to us on or to turn us back.

As we yield ourselves to our great Shepherd’s leading and guiding we find that He leads us
"beside the quiet waters." waters make us think of rest and refreshment. It also ‘s that the water
is deep, not shallow or noisy. The of refreshment that this world gives do not really satisfy. We
may drink again and again of the pleasures of this world and its waters will never quench our
thirst. We are reminded of that woman of Samaria, She had been drawing water from the well

every day, and she said, "The well is deep." Much labor was needed to get that water, and the
next day she had to repeat it all over again. Our Lord said to her, "Whosoever drinketh of this
water shall thirst again; but whosoever drinketh of the water that I shall give him shall never
thirst; but the water that I shall give him shall be in him a well of water springing up into
everlasting life" (John 4:13,14). This "living water," this "well of water," is figurative of the Holy
Spirit who indwells every believer. It is of that other "Comforter," the Holy Spirit, that our Lord
Jesus was speaking. The quiet waters which our Shepherd would lead us to would remind us of
that ministry of the Holy Spirit. Through the Word He brings a quietness, a calm into our lives.
All around us may be confusion, but within will be peace, quiet, and calm. And "when He giveth
quietness, who then can make trouble?" (Job 34:29). We may pass through trial and sorrow, but
if we follow our Great Shepherd’s leading we will experience that inner peace and calm that will
not only keep us but will be a means of blessing to others. (To be continued)

There is much talk today about "compatibility" in connection with the marriage relationship. A
large percentage of marriages today end in divorce due to so-called "incompatibility." And so, as
the relationship between a young man and a young woman passes from the stage of casual
friendship to that of steady friendship and then to the contemplation and discussion of possible
marriage, the question of mutual compatibility for marriage usually comes to the fore.

The idea prevalent in this country today is that persons contemplating marriage should go to bed
together, or even share a room or apartment together, in order to find out whether they are
physically compatible. The big problem with this notion_and divorce statistics bear this out_is
that the demonstration of so-called physical compatibility prior to marriage does not give any
assurance that enjoyment of the physical relationship will continue much beyond the honeymoon
period. A good and healthy and lasting marriage is one based not on physical but on spiritual
compatibility. The enjoyment of the physical relationship throughout a couple’s marriage will
depend in large measure on the strength of their spiritual relationship.

What does this say, then, to those who are contemplating marriage, whether in the pre-engagement
period of their relationship or else the time when they are formally engaged to be married? Surely
it helps to define the proper range of activities that should occupy such persons. During the earlier
periods of the couple’s relationship_the casual and steady friendship periods_they no doubt have
found out each other’s basic interests, likes and dislikes, attitudes about God and Christ and the
Church, and whether the other is truly saved. If both are saved, they also have begun to discover
what place the Lord has in each other’s lives. As the mutual relationship becomes more serious,
the need to ascertain the depth of each other’s commitment and relationship to Christ as Lord of
their lives becomes more intense.

Thus the premarital period should be characterized by the young man and woman spending time
reading the Bible together and going through Bible study guides together, including one or more
written especially for engaged couples (such as the one by J. Allan Petersen, Before You Marry,
Tyndale House Publishers Inc., Wheaton, Illinois). They should be spending time finding out
where each stands on the basic doctrines of Scripture. And if they disagree widely in certain areas
of doctrine_for example, one believing in believer’s baptism and the other in household baptism,
or one believing in a pre-tribulation rapture of the Church and the other holding to a post-
millennial rapture_they need to be discovering how they react to these differences and how they
might either resolve or cope with these differences throughout their married lives. If one seems
to possess an overwhelming need to "convert" the other to his or her way of thinking, this may
be a portent of great difficulties in the future.

In addition to exploring where each stands with regard to the basic doctrines of Scripture, it is well
to discuss the practical applications of the Scriptures, particularly as they might impact on their
future husband-wife and parent-child relationships. For example, there could be real problems in
raising children if one favors using the rod arid the other is adamantly opposed to this method of
disciplining one’s children.

During the pre-engagement period in which marriage is being considered, as well as throughout
the engagement period while more definite plans are being made for the wedding and marriage,
there should be a willingness and desire for the man and woman to pray together, not only for the
Lord’s help in every aspect of their plans for marriage, but that the Lord would make abundantly
clear to them His will concerning the proposed marriage. It is well to remember that while the
engagement to be married represents a solemn pledge between a man and a woman of their
intention to marry each other, and that it must not be lightly entered into nor lightly broken, yet
it is far better to break off an engagement if led by the Lord to do so than to enter into the lifelong
commitment of a marriage that does not have the Lord’s full approval. It is also important to have
a sufficiently long pre-engagement and engagement period to find out about possible problem
areas and to learn conclusively God’s will concerning the proposed marriage.

Before concluding this chapter on the premarital period, let us return once again to a consideration
of the physical relationship. Some may be saying, "It is fine to develop the spiritual relationship,
but what is wrong with experimenting with the physical relationship as well?" Others may add,
"What harm can it do? we are planning to get married anyway."

Let us see, first of all, what Scripture has to say concerning this matter of premarital sexual
activity. There are, as the reader is fully aware, many scriptures forbidding fornication_that is,
a sexual relationship outside the confines of marriage (see, for example, Acts 15:20; 1 Cor. 6:13-
20; 1 Cor. 10:8; Eph. 5:3; Col. 3:5; 1 Thess. 4:3). Further, in Deut. 22:13-21 we find that it was
expected of young women that they should enter into the marriage relationship as virgins. And as
a New Testament testimony, Mary could never have been chosen as the mother of the Messiah
if she had been influenced by the thinking that characterizes the world today_and is influencing
many Christians as well_that if two people are in love or engaged to be married, then any degree
of physical demonstration of their love is acceptable. God honored Mary’s purity and He will
honor all young men and women who wish to please Him by remaining virgins until marriage by
helping them to achieve truly happy marriages.

As a further scriptural evidence against premarital sexual activity, consider the apostle Paul’s
words to the church at Corinth:"I have espoused you to one husband, that I may present you as
a chaste virgin to Christ" (2 Cor. 11:2). Marriage is a type of the union between Christ and His
Church (Eph. 5). This "Church age" is actually the Church’s engagement period; the marriage
ceremony will not take place until after Christ comes to raise up the Church to Himself in the
"rapture" (1 Thess. 4:13-18; Rev. 19:7). Just as the Church is to be presented as a chaste virgin
to Christ, our Bridegroom, so it is beautiful and pleasing to God when a Christian couple enters
into marriage as virgins.

Premature entry into an intimate physical relationship short circuits the development of a real
spiritual relationship. This can happen in several ways, as pointed out by another:"First, the
intimacy is physically and emotionally exciting and the couple loses interest in spiritual matters.
Second, the fact that their relationship is a secret between the two of them which they try to
conceal from others may make them feel a certain closeness and loyalty to each other. They may
mistake this closeness for real unity of spirit, but it will fade away when marriage makes their
relationship ‘respectable’ and there is no need to conceal it. They no longer will share a secret and

they will find they share little else of real meaning. Third, since they are not pleasing God, they
cannot become closer to Him while out of communion with Him. Fourth, the feelings of guilt
which their behavior may arouse will tend to interfere with the development of real intimacy after
marriage. God will bless those couples who use dating and engagement periods for the
development of spiritual and emotional unity and save physical intimacy for marriage. They will
have not only spiritual intimacy but a truly joyous physical relationship as well” ( Young People
of the Bible by A.M., Moments With The Book, Bedford, PA, 1977).

A further reason for avoiding premature physical intimacy is this:If this intimacy should result
in pregnancy prior to marriage, the couple’s focus will tend to shift all the more away from the
development of a strong spiritual relationship and from seeking to make absolutely certain that it
is God’s will that they should marry each other. Rather, all too often, hasty plans are made to
consummate marriage in order to reduce the level of shame and embarrassment.

Finally, let us consider some observations made by a Christian counselor:"Throughout Scripture,
God makes it clear that intimacy is to be enjoyed by married partners. . . . God designed us
emotionally so that sex outside of marriage is not nearly as fulfilling or enjoyable as within that
secure bond.

"Tragic damages occur when God’s standard is violated. Let me share just one for the sake of
clarification.

"A great deal of my counseling time is invested in the lives of couples planning to get married.
During the three premarital counseling sessions, I probe deeply into their relationship. We discuss
their lives from several perspectives:spiritually, emotionally, financially, socially, and sexually.
It is not uncommon for those I plan to marry to have been intimately involved with each other.
I require that this be stopped if such has been the case. Before we proceed I have each one
promise me that from that day on (until they are married) they will sustain restraint and self-
control in their relationship.

"Here’s why. If promiscuity is not completely stopped for a period of time before marriage, then
after marriage a strange reversal in their roles occurs. The young bride marries with
disappointment over the violation done against her by her fiancee. She soon becomes dominant
and aggressive, taking the role of leadership from her husband because of a mixture of resentment
and anger. And the man? Well, he feels guilty, disappointed with himself, and ultimately becomes
passive. She takes charge (and hates it) while he backs off (and feels miserable). All because their
intimate relationship was incorrectly set in motion before marriage.

"Of the hundreds of unhappy couples I have counseled who finally admitted to premarital
promiscuity, I can hardly recall an exception to this strange pattern. A Christian psychologist
friend of mine told me that the number one problem he deals with in his busy practice is the
passive male.

"So many men today find it difficult (impossible?) to take the proper role of authority in their
home. I wonder how much of it stems from aggressive yet immoral, illicit involvements that were

maintained during courtship days . . . and now they are suffering reverse consequences" (Strike
the Original Match by Charles R. Swindoll, copyright 1980 by Multnomah Press, Portland, OR
97266; used by permission).

In the next issue, D.V., we shall consider some of the elements which contribute to a happy
marriage.

"I will therefore . . . that women adorn themselves in modest apparel" (1 Tim. 2:8,9).

In Scripture women are exhorted to dress modestly. Why is this? The answer is to be found in
Christ’s words which form part of the Sermon on the Mount:"Whosoever looketh on a woman
to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart" (Matt. 5:28). No woman
should dress in such a way that her appearance is likely to arouse lust in a man.

The last several years have seen an almost total collapse of moral values in the world and a
corresponding skimpiness of dress among young women. These attitudes and fashions are making
inroads among the Lord’s people and among the sons and daughters of the Lord’s people. Perhaps
some of the young women who are wearing these skimpy outfits might say, "But we are not trying
to arouse lust; we are only wearing what is stylish and trying to look attractive." Why do clothing
styles change? Fashion designers freely publicize the fact that styles are changed on the basis of
a principle sometimes called "shifting erotic areas." That is, when men are no longer stimulated
by looking at one part of a woman’s body, the fashions are changed to cover that part and expose
another. Those of us over twenty can see how this works. Ten or twelve years ago legs were
exposed (miniskirts); the past few years have seen backs and shoulders exposed, at least in the
summer (sun-dresses). So the purpose of the fashion designers is to design clothes which will
arouse lust even if that is not the purpose of those who wear the clothes. As to looking attractive,
all young women should realize that any young man attracted by immodest dress or behavior
would not be worth having anyway, and any relationship built primarily on sexual attraction is
bound for disaster.

Perhaps no young people are reading this article, but, I hope, parents are. Parents, I urge you to
counsel with your sons and daughters as to the appropriateness of their dress and behavior.
Encourage your sons to discuss what they find attractive in young women and what qualities they
should be looking for, according to Scripture. Encourage your daughters to want to attract
spiritually mature young men and to want to be spiritually mature themselves. Only relationships
with a strong spiritual foundation will survive the wear and tear of the years and bring glory to
God and happiness to the participants.