"Wives submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord…. Husbands, love your
wives, even as Christ also loved the Church" (Eph. 5:22-25).

We see here that it is the wife’s responsibility to be submissive to her husband (see also 1 Pet.
3:1). Nowhere is the husband commanded to physically or verbally force his wife into submission.
Her submission is not to be based upon the way her husband treats her, nor is it to be conditioned
by the husband’s abilities, education, or spiritual state (compare Luke 2:51). It is to be done "as
unto the Lord," so refusal to submit to her husband is rebellion against God Himself.

For a wife to submit to her husband doesn’t mean that she becomes a doormat, a servant, or an
onlooker while the husband makes all the decisions for the family. The LORD gave man a wife to
be a "help meet [or suited] for him" (Gen. 2:18). A loving and wise husband will value his wife’s
expertise, experience, wisdom, and advice in different areas (see Judg. 13:21-23; 1 Sam. 25:23-
34; Acts 18:26), and is privileged to delegate some of the decision making to her (see Prov. 31:10-
31; 1 Tim. 5:14). However, he must realize that God has delegated to him the ultimate authority
and responsibility for the running of the household; thus he must be prepared at least to share in
the responsibility for any unwise decisions made by his wife.

In cases where husband and wife disagree as to a decision, the husband is given the responsibility
of being the tie-breaker. I say "responsibility," not "privilege" or "pleasure." It is an awesome
responsibility for the husband to make a decision, to go ahead and do something, that his wife
doesn’t agree with. Husbands are in a position analogous to that of Christ toward the Church.
Christ is all-wise, all-knowing, completely holy, righteous, fair, gracious, and loving. We know
that every instruction Christ gives to the Church is going to be for the best blessing of the Church
and for the greatest honor and glory to God. Such is not necessarily the case with husbands.
Therefore, husbands, if you are about make a decision with which your wife disagrees, you must
become as certain as you can through prayer and waiting on the Lord that the decision you are
about to make is going to be for the honor and glory of God and for the blessing of your wife and
family, and not one that caters to your own selfish interests. And to the wives I would say:If your
husband has made a selfish decision, or one you are convinced is wrong, do not try to sabotage
him or take matters into your own hands or get even with him. Rather, pray for him and for your
family that the negative effects of your husband’s bad decision may be minimized, and that he
might make better decisions in the future.

The husband is to be his wife’s leader (1 Cor. 11:3). According to the Bible, a leader is first and
foremost a servant (Luke 22:25; John 13:1-15; 1 Thess. 2:5-11; 1 Pet. 5:3). The husband’s pattern
is Christ, who came not to be served but to serve (Mark 10:45; Phil. 2:6-8). His concern is not
to give orders, to boss other people around, to have his own way. His concern is to meet the needs
of others. He must never lord it over his wife just because she is to be submissive to him. She is
not his slave to do his bidding nor his property to do with as he pleases.

The word to husbands is, "Love your wives." This is a love far deeper and more inclusive than
romantic love or the love that is associated with physical intimacy. Husbands are to love their

wives "even as Christ also loved the Church, and gave Himself for it" (Eph. 5:25). This love is
not based upon the way his wife treats him or responds to him. This is "agape" love, that self-
sacrificing love that seeks the benefit and blessing of others even if it costs self something. So the
decisions made by the husband, if he is filled with love for his wife and family, will be designed
to please his wife, serve his family, and above all, glorify God.

In summary, the wife’s submission and the husband’s love will result in the two learning to (1)
work together, (2) communicate their feelings and desires to each other, (3) pray together, and (4)
make decisions together that reflect God’s will and the welfare of each other and the family. Here
we have ingredients for a strong, happy, and God-honoring marriage.