Foundations of Faith
MAN (IV)
Adam was surrounded by birds and animals, and no doubt received much enjoyment from watching them. He also had plenty of work to occupy his time. But still he was lonely (Gen. 2:18). God remedied this by making “a help meet [or suited] for him.” This helper was a woman who-through a perfect blend of sameness and difference-was completely suited to Adam’s needs. Adam now had one with whom he could relate and communicate in ways not possible with the animals.
The woman was not made from the dust like Adam but from Adam himself-from one of his ribs. As has been stated at many wedding ceremonies, woman was not taken from Adam’s head to dominate him, nor from his feet to be dominated by him, but from under his arm to be protected and from near his heart to be loved by him.
Following the making of the woman from Adam, we read a very significant statement about the relationship of a man and his wife:”Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife; and they shall be one flesh” (Gen. 2:24). Let us discuss the three statements made in this verse.
First, marriage involves leaving one’s parents. This doesn’t necessarily mean moving to New Zealand and never seeing your parents again. It means severing those strong emotional ties you had with your parents so that new ones may be made with your spouse. It means that you become more concerned about your mate’s ideas, opinions, and practices than those of your parents. And it means moving out from the under the authority of your parents and forming a new household with a new leader. This is made more clear in the New Testament. “The head of the woman is the man” (1 Cor. 11:3). “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the Church” (Eph. 5:22,23). Some may dislike these verses. But when read along with verse 25, “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the Church, and gave Himself for it,” they display God’s wisdom and love.
The marriage of two Christians ought to be a picture of the relationship of Christ and the Church. Christ is the Head; the Church is submissive to Christ. Does Christ use his headship to abuse the Church and trample on it? Of course not! Rather, He loves the Church and has given Himself for it. Following this pattern, the Christian husband will take the lead in loving and serving his wife and family. By the giving of his time, energy, interests, and preferences for the welfare and happiness of his wife, she will delight in submitting to him and loving, serving, and giving to him in return. (See Assignment 2)
The second part of our verse in Genesis says, “A man … shall cleave unto his wife.” The word “cleave” here has the meaning of adhering to or becoming attached or glued to something or someone. For the Christian husband and wife, this is a close-knit, long-term relationship of love. It involves (1) spending time together, (2) talking together, (3) communicating together (finding out what each other really thinks and feels about things), (4) tenderly respecting each other, (5) working through problems together, and (6) supporting and helping each other physically, materially, emotionally, and spiritually.
The third expression is really the outcome of the first two:”And they shall be one flesh.” This includes not only the physical union that a man and wife enjoy together, but also the emotional, mental, and spiritual unity that will be enjoyed by those who are truly married “in the Lord” (1 Cor. 7:39), that is, both giving the Lord first place in their lives.
The Lord Jesus quoted this verse from Genesis and added the familiar line, “What therefore God has joined together, let not man put asunder” (Matt. 19:6). So we see that God’s plan for a married couple’s greatest happiness is a permanent relationship-until the bond is broken by the death of one or the other. The Christian husband and wife who are truly growing in likeness to Christ throughout their lives, will at the same time continually grow closer to one another. Thus, it will not only be a permanent relationship, unbroken by divorce or separation; it will also be a relationship of ever-increasing mutual joy and happiness.
Our study of man will continue next month, Lord willing, with a discussion of man’s fall into sin and its far-reaching consequences.
Running the Race
HOW CAN I FIND THE MARRIAGE PARTNER THE LORD HAS FOR ME?
Adam and Eve had it easy, didn’t they? They didn’t have to try to figure out whom they were supposed to marry; they were literally made for each other-by God. Christian young people today who want to find the right marriage partner-the one God has prepared for them-may find it more difficult than did the first bride and groom.
Let us look at some examples in the Bible of “boy-meets-girl” situations and man-woman interactions before marriage; then we shall try to draw some lessons and principles from these examples for Christian young people today.
1. Isaac was content to let Abraham’s servant, through God’s guiding hand, find a bride for him (Gen. 24).
2. Jacob helped his cousin (and future wife) Rachel water her sheep (Gen. 29:10,11).
3. Dinah “went out to see the daughters of the land” and got raped (Gen. 34:1,2).
4. Moses protected the seven daughters of Reuel as they watered their sheep; as a reward, he was given one of the daughters, Zipporah, to be his wife (Exod. 2:17-21).
5. Samson’s relationship with Timnath was a selfish one-based on her pleasing him (Judg. 14:1-10).
6. Samson supposedly “loved” Delilah but didn’t have an open, honest relationship with her, and it destroyed both the relationship and himself (Judg. 16:4-21).
7. Ruth was a Moabite whose Israelite husband died. Boaz learned of Ruth’s loyalty to Naomi-her mother-in-law and Boaz’s cousinin-law-and so he encouraged Ruth to glean in his field and provided protection for her. Ruth had a reputation as a virtuous woman and this attracted her to Boaz (Ruth 2,3).
8. David committed adultery with Bathsheba while she was married to Uriah, and then had Uriah killed so he could marry Bathsheba and cover up her pregnancy. The consequences of these sinful actions haunted David the rest of his life (2 Sam. 11-18).
9. Joseph felt disgraced and nearly broke his engagement when he discovered that Mary, his bride, was pregnant (Matt. 1:19; Luke 1:27-35).
The following questions often are asked about dating: How old should a girl be before going out alone with a boy? How late should a couple be allowed to stay out? Should kissing be permitted on the first date? any date? Is it okay for a Christian to date a non-Christian? We won’t try to answer all of these questions because there are other, more basic, questions that need to be asked about dating: Is dating scriptural at all? What purpose does dating serve in discovering God’s choice for my marriage partner? Does dating tend to turn one’s attention away from (1) seeking God’s will concerning a lifetime partner, and (2) devoting oneself to growing in the Word of God and in likeness to Christ so as to be the best possible marriage partner for the one of God’s choice?
Let us see what we can learn about dating from the scriptural examples given earlier and from scriptural principles.
1. Going out and looking for a fellow or girl or a fun time or a romantic evening often leads to disaster (Dinah was raped; Samson’s marriage with Timnath was very shortlived; Samson’s friendship with Delilah led to the loss of his strength; David’s voyeurism led to his committing adultery and murder; and wasn’t Bathsheba inviting trouble when she bathed in view of nearby residents?).
2. Several women in the Bible were discovered by men-eventually leading to marriage-while they were engaged in their daily household responsibilities or helping their parents. These include Rebekah, Rachel, and Zipporah when they came to the public well to draw water, and Ruth when she was gleaning in Boaz’s field to provide food for herself and her mother-in-law. Abigail impressed David at their first meeting because of her industriousness (she prepared a huge meal for David and his men) and because of her fearless, faithful, but gentle rebuke to David which kept him from shedding innocent blood (1 Sam. 25:24-42).
3. The wife of Proverbs 31 was attractive to her husband because he could safely trust her (verse 11), she consistently did good things for him (verse 12), she worked diligently each day to provide the family with food and clothing (verses 13-22), her labors resulted in enough additional clothing to sell (verse 24), she was not selfish but helped the poor and needy as well as her own household (verse 20), she habitually spoke words of wisdom and kindness (verse 26), and she feared the Lord (verse 30). She did not require physical beauty to be attractive and highly respected (verse 30).
4. It is an unequal yoke for a Christian to marry an unbeliever (2 Cor. 6:14). Therefore, a believer should never enter into a relationship that could lead to marriage with an unbeliever. If an unbeliever asks you for a date, make a counter invitation to gospel meeting, Bible study, or a discussion of the Scriptures at your home with you and your parents.
5. Sex before marriage is forbidden by God (Prov. 5:1-14; 6:20-35; Matt. 15:19; Acts 15:20; 1 Cor. 6:18; Eph. 5:3; 1 Thess. 4:3) and can lead to disastrous consequences. It was an expected thing in Israel that a bride be found to be a virgin on her wedding night (Deut. 22:13-21; Matt. 1:19). Therefore, avoid any and every situation that might give room to temptation. Don’t trust your ability to triumph over temptation. Peter confidently claimed, “Lord, I am ready to go with thee, both into prison and to death” (Luke 22:33). Pray, “Lead us not into temptation” (Matt. 6:13), and then cooperate with God by not giving temptation any opportunity to assert itself. Instead of going out on “dates,” just the two of you alone, try taking walks in public places. Or plan activities at home where you can be doing things together (like baking cookies, washing the car, making a puzzle, playing a game, or studying the Bible together), are free to talk together, can interact with other family members (perhaps your future in-laws), and thus not be far away from other people who can serve as a buffer zone against temptation.
6. Some may ask: “Isn’t sex okay if we love each other, particularly if we are planning to get married anyway?” The scriptures and arguments in the preceding section still apply. Mary’s purity during her engagement to Joseph qualified her for great blessing from God. God will also bless all young men and women who remain virgins until marriage.
7. Scripture places a high value on being a “One-Woman Man” and a “One-Man-Woman” (1 Tim. 3:2; 5:9). This doesn’t forbid breaking an engagement if it becomes clear that it is not God’s will for the two to marry. But it does suggest that it is not God’s purpose for His children to be flitting from one date to another or one relationship to another.
8. Follow the example of Abraham and his servant who counted upon “the LORD God of heaven” to provide just the right wife for Isaac. Pray much and experience the blessed result, “I being in the way, the LORD led me” (Gen. 24:27). Girls, don’t try to attract a potential husband by your beauty (or attempts to be beautiful or sexy); fellows, don’t try to attract a potential wife by your handsome looks, muscular build, or athletic ability. If you marry someone who is only attracted by your youthful good looks, what is your mate going to do when your beauty fades, the wrinkles appear, the muscles lose their tone, and the fat begins to build around the middle?
9. Take advantage of school lunch hours, athletic events, Bible conferences, Christian youth groups, retreats, and other large group events to get to know and be known by different young people. Be diligent in your school studies; be diligent in carrying out your household duties and responsibilities (remember the three R’s-Rebekah, Rachel and Ruth); be conscientious, honest, dependable, and responsible in your employment (Rom. 12:11); be respectful to your parents (Eph. 6:2); dress modestly (fellows too!) so that those of the opposite sex will not be overly attracted to your body (1 Tim. 2:9; 1 Pet. 3:3,4); exhibit the nine-fold fruit of the Spirit (Gal. 5:22,23); be faithful in speaking of your Lord and Saviour (2 Tim. 4:5) in your conversations with other young people. You may not attract Handsome Hunks and Homecoming Queens this way, but you might attract the attention of a serious-minded, dedicated Christian who is God’s choice for a life-partner for you.
10. Introduce your friends to your parents and give them an opportunity to get to know your friends. Ask for your parents’ approval and advice before pursuing any relationship with one of the opposite sex (Prov. 6:20-24; 13:1; 30:17).
Assignment 2: Write out two verses in the first half of Luke 22 that show that a true leader is a server.