Behind every strong Christian marriage are four key elements that I call the "Four C’s." They are:
Commitment
Communion
Communication
Consecration.

1. Commitment to each other based solidly upon God’s Word.

2. Communion with the Lord to give the needed strength to keep that commitment.

3. Communication with each other to help the marriage grow.

4. Consecration to the Lord to give the marriage purpose and fulfillment.

Commitment

What is commitment? A commitment is a pledge or promise made by a person or persons to do
something. In Christian marriage the commitment that husband and wife make to each other is
based upon the Bible. This gives the marriage a solid foundation. The Bible contains directions
for the marriage relationship given by the One who instituted marriage. As a result, the Bible is
the best marriage manual ever written.

The commitment for the wife is found in these words:"Wives, submit yourselves unto your own
husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the Head
of the Church; and He is the Saviour of the body. Therefore as the Church is subject unto Christ,
so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing" (Eph. 5:22-24). Although these
directions may not be popular today, yet they are vital to the strength and happiness of the
marriage. The One who instituted marriage knows best what will make it work. One of the words
that many may have trouble accepting is the word "submit." The Greek word use here is
hupotasso. It was primarily a military term meaning "to rank under" (hupo meaning "under,"
tasso meaning "to arrange"; see Vine’s Expository Dictionary). In the sense in which it is used
here it simply means that the wife is to lovingly place herself under the direction and leadership
of her husband. What is to be the measure of the wife’s subjection to her husband? " As unto the
Lord."

The commitment for the husband is found in these words:"Husbands, love your wives, even as
Christ also loved the Church, and gave Himself for it; that He might sanctify and cleanse it with
the washing of water by the Word, that He might present it to Himself a glorious Church, not
having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. So
ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no
man ever yet hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, even as the Lord the Church"
(Eph. 5:25-29).

The husband’s love for his wife is to be a sacrificing love. It is "agape" love. This is a love that
seeks the welfare of the one loved at all costs to itself. This love never says, "What can I get out
of this relationship?" Instead it says, "What can I do to make this relationship better?" This love
is not based on feelings. A husband may not always have the feelings of love for his wife, but he
is always to keep on loving his wife even when the feelings are not there. (When a husband is
obedient to these directions, he will again experience feelings of love for his wife.) This is what
commitment is all about. Included in this commitment is the nourishing and cherishing of his wife.
Nourishing means he is to meet all her physical needs including food, clothing, and shelter.
Cherishing means to "keep warm." This goes farther than meeting her physical needs. He is also
to meet her emotional and spiritual needs. He is to be the spiritual leader of his wife. What is to
be the measure of the husband’s love for his wife? " As Christ loved the Church."

Communion

How can a husband and wife find the strength to keep the commitments they have made to each
other? This strength is found in personal communion with the Lord Jesus. What does personal
communion with the Lord Jesus mean? It means that the husband and wife take time to know the
Lord Jesus better. This involves Bible study and prayer, both privately and together. In meditating
upon the Scriptures, the husband and wife will learn (among many other things) how the Lord
would have them glorify Him in their marriage relationship. In prayer they need to seek the Lord’s
help and strength to follow through on their commitments to each other. He has said, " Without
Me you can do nothing" (John 15:5). Often without a couple realizing it, pressures are brought
upon them to conform to worldly standards (Rom. 12:1,2). The husband and wife will need the
Lord’s strength daily in order to fulfill their part in the marriage relationship. Also in John 15 we
read that the Lord tells us to " Abide in Me." This means that a Christian needs to be continually
dependent upon the Lord for strength to glorify Him. A married couple who will do this will
experience His strength, joy, and peace in their lives. This communion with the Lord will bring
the husband and wife closer together and strengthen their marriage. Sad to say, this personal
communion is usually the first thing that begins to be left out in the marriage relationship. In the
busy schedule that families have today, prayer and Bible study are often left out. Husbands, as
spiritual leaders, need to be the examples to their wives and families in their own personal
communion with the Lord. They also need to be the ones who initiate the prayer time and Bible
study together. Taking time to have communion with the Lord daily will not just happen. It must
be a first priority in the lives of the husband and wife. It is good to remember what the Lord Jesus
said to Martha as she complained about Mary sitting at the feet of Jesus while she was so busy
serving the Lord:" But one thing is needful, and Mary has chosen that good part which shall
not be taken away from her" (Luke 10:42).

Communication

What will make the marriage grow? One important element that will help the marriage grow is for
a husband and wife to spend time together talking and sharing their feelings, hopes, fears, and
expectations. In many homes today, husbands and wives are strangers to each other. The only
conversation between them is what is necessary to perform the household tasks. A question asked
in the Bible is, " Can two walk together, except they be agreed?" (Amos 3:3).

A good marriage relationship is like the best of friends taking a long walk together. How good it
is when the husband and wife can say of each other, "He (or she) is my best friend." This walking
together would also include talking together and getting to know each other better. How important
this is in the marriage relationship! In today’s busy schedules the husband and wife may need to
set apart special times for talking and sharing. They will also need to work on good
communication. Good communication involves the ability to be a good listener as well as a good
talker. A husband and wife need to concentrate when listening to their partner. They need to
politely say to each other when one has said something that is not clear, "Could you repeat that,
please? I’m not sure I understand what you said." Sometimes in order to get conversation started
one may have to say to the other, "How do you feel about this?" After a partner has shared his or
her feelings, it is important for the other partner to say, "Thank you for sharing that with me. Now
I understand how you feel." If instead, one partner puts the other one down by a comment like,
"You shouldn’t feel that way," or "Why don’t you grow up?" it will effectively cut off the
communication for a time. Words that should never be used in the communications between
husband and wife are, "You always do this" or "You never do that." Where there have been sharp
words between the husband and wife, communication would include confession and forgiveness.

The following verses apply to this:"Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth,
but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers. And
grieve not the Holy Spirit of God, whereby you are sealed unto the day of redemption. Let all
bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all
malice; and be kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s
sake has forgiven you" (Eph. 4:29-32).

Consecration

What will give the marriage purpose and fulfillment? It has been said that Christian marriage is
not just the desire to live to serve each other but instead it is joining hands to serve the Lord
together. King David asked the question:" Who then is willing to consecrate his service this day
unto the LORD?" (1 Chron. 29:5).

There are many ways that a couple can do this. In their immediate neighborhood they may be able
to invite neighbors into their home and share with them the good news of the gospel. Also, there
are many needs that will become apparent as a couple seeks to serve the Lord. Should the Lord
bless the couple with children, the bringing up of these children "in the nurture and admonition
of the Lord" (Eph. 6:4) is perhaps the most important service.

Another important service for the Lord is the encouragement and building up of those in the local
assembly that the couple attend. Their presence at the meetings of the assembly is vital to the life
of the assembly. " Not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as the manner of some
is, but exhorting one another, and so much the more as you see the day approaching" (Heb.
10:25).

If you as a husband or a wife will make these four C’s_Commitment, Communion, Conversation,
and Consecration_a part of your marriage, the result will be a happy, fruitful, and God-glorifying

marriage. When should you start? START TODAY! " Arise, therefore, and be doing, and the
LORD be with you" (1 Chron. 22:16).