Adam and Eve had it easy, didn’t they? They didn’t
have to try to figure out whom they were supposed to marry; they were literally
made for each other—by God. Christian young people today who want to
find the right marriage partner—the one God has prepared for them—may find it
more difficult than did the first bride and groom.

Examples in Scripture of

Premarital Interactions

    Let us look at some examples in the Bible of
“boy-meets-girl” situations and man-woman interactions before marriage; then we
shall try to draw some lessons and principles from these examples for Christian
young people today.

    1. Isaac was content to let Abraham’s servant,
through God’s guiding hand, find a bride for him (Gen. 24).

    2. Jacob helped his cousin (and future wife)
Rachel water her sheep (Gen. 29:10,11).

    3. Dinah “went out to see the daughters of the
land” and got raped (Gen. 34:1,2).

    4. Moses protected the seven daughters of Reuel
as they watered their sheep; as a reward, he was given one of the daughters,
Zipporah, to be his wife (Exod. 2:17_21).

    5. Samson’s relationship with Timnath was a
selfish one—based on her pleasing him (Judg. 14:1-10).

    6. Samson supposedly “loved” Delilah but didn’t
have an open, honest relationship with her, and it destroyed both the
relationship and himself (Judg. 16:4_21).

    7. Ruth was a Moabite whose Israelite husband
died. Boaz learned of Ruth’s loyalty to Naomi—her mother_in_law and Boaz’s
cousin-in_law—and so he encouraged Ruth to glean in his field and provided
protection for her. Ruth had a reputation as a virtuous woman and this
attracted her to Boaz (Ruth 2,3).

    8. David committed adultery with Bathsheba while
she was married to Uriah, and then had Uriah killed so he could marry Bathsheba
and cover up her pregnancy. The consequences of these sinful actions haunted
David the rest of his life (2 Sam. 11-18).

    9. Joseph felt disgraced and nearly broke his
engagement when he discovered that Mary, his bride, was pregnant (Matt. 1:19;
Luke 1:27_35).

Dating and Courtship Today

    The following questions often are asked about dating:
How old should a girl be before going out alone with a boy? How late should a
couple be allowed to stay out? Should kissing be permitted on the first date?
any date? Is it okay for a Christian to date a non_Christian? We won’t try to
answer all of these questions because there are other, more basic, questions
that need to be asked about dating:Is dating scriptural at all? What purpose
does dating serve in discovering God’s choice for my marriage partner?
Does dating tend to turn one’s attention away from (1) seeking God’s
will concerning a lifetime partner, and (2) devoting oneself to growing in the
Word of God and in likeness to Christ so as to be the best possible marriage
partner for the one of God’s choice?

    Let us see what we can learn about dating from the
scriptural examples given earlier and from scriptural principles.

    1. Scripture forbids marriage between a believer
in Christ and an unbeliever because it is an unequal yoke (2 Cor. 6:14). The
believer and unbeliever have totally different goals and objectives in life
which their love for each other will never be able to overcome. Therefore, a
believer should never enter into a relationship that could lead to marriage
with an unbeliever. If an unbeliever asks you for a date, make a counter
invitation to gospel meeting, Bible study, or a discussion of the Scriptures at
your home with you and your parents.

    2. Scripture also instructs us to marry “only
in the Lord” (1 Cor. 7:39). This means that a woman who loves the Lord and is
seeking with all her heart to know and do God’s will in every area of her life
should not enter into a serious relationship with a man who claims to be
a born-again Christian but shows no interest in engaging in Christ-centered
discussions or activities.

    3. Going out and looking for a fellow or girl or a fun
time or a romantic evening often leads to disaster (Dinah was raped; Samson’s
marriage with Timnath was very short-lived; Samson’s friendship with Delilah
led to the loss of his strength; David’s voyeurism led to his committing adultery
and murder; Bathsheba was inviting trouble when she bathed in view of nearby
residents.

    4. Several women in the Bible were discovered by
men—eventually leading to marriage—while they (the women) were engaged in their
daily household responsibilities or helping their parents. These include
Rebekah, Rachel, and Zipporah when they came to the public well to draw water,
and Ruth when she was gleaning in Boaz’s field to provide food for herself and
her mother_in_law. Abigail impressed David at their first meeting because of
her industriousness (she prepared a huge meal for David and his men) and
because of her fearless, faithful, but gentle rebuke to David which kept him
from shedding innocent blood (1 Sam. 25:24-42).

    5. The wife of Proverbs 31 was attractive to her
husband because he could safely trust her (verse 11), she consistently did good
things for him (verse 12), she worked diligently each day to provide the family
with food and clothing (verses 13_22), her labors resulted in enough additional
clothing to sell (verse 24), she was not selfish but helped the poor and needy
as well as her own household (verse 20), she habitually spoke words of wisdom
and kindness (verse 26), and she feared the Lord (verse 30). She did not
require physical beauty to be attractive and highly respected (verse 30).

    6. Sex before marriage is forbidden by God (Prov.
5:1-14; 6:20-35; Matt. 15:19; Acts 15:20; 1 Cor. 6:18; Eph. 5:3; 1 Thess. 4:3)
and can lead to disastrous consequences. It was an expected thing in Israel that a bride be found to be a virgin on her wedding night (Deut. 22:13-21; Matt.
1:19). Therefore, avoid any and every situation that might give room to
temptation. Don’t trust your ability to triumph over temptation. Peter
confidently claimed, “Lord, I am ready to go with thee, both into prison and to
death” (Luke 22:33). Pray, “Lead us not into temptation” (Matt. 6:13), and then
cooperate with God by not giving temptation any opportunity to assert itself.
Instead of going out on “dates,” just the two of you alone, try taking walks in
public places. Or plan activities at home where you can be doing things
together (like baking cookies, washing the car, making a puzzle, playing a
game, or studying the Bible together), are free to talk together, can interact
with other family members (perhaps your future in_laws), and thus not be far
away from other people who can serve as a buffer zone against temptation.

    7. Some may ask:“Isn’t sex okay if we love each
other, particularly if we are planning to get married anyway?” The Scriptures
and arguments in the preceding section still apply. Mary’s purity during her
engagement to Joseph qualified her for great blessing from God. God will also
bless all young men and women who remain virgins until marriage.

    8. Scripture places a high value on being a
“One-Woman Man” and a “One-Man-Woman” (1 Tim. 3:2; 5:9). This doesn’t forbid
breaking an engagement if it becomes clear that it is not God’s will for the
two to marry. But it does suggest that it is not God’s purpose for His children
to be flitting from one date to another or one relationship to another.

    9. Follow the example of Abraham and his servant
who counted upon “the LORD God of heaven” to provide just the right wife for
Isaac. Pray much and experience the blessed result, “I being in the way, the
LORD led me” (Gen. 24:27). Girls, don’t try to attract a potential husband by
your beauty (or attempts to be beautiful or sexy); fellows, don’t try to
attract a potential wife by your handsome looks, muscular build, or athletic ability.
If you marry someone who is only attracted by your youthful good looks, what is
your mate going to do when your beauty fades, the wrinkles appear, the muscles
lose their tone, and the fat begins to build around the middle?

    10. Take advantage of school lunch hours,
athletic events, Bible conferences, Christian youth groups, retreats, and other
large group events to get to know and be known by different young people. Be
diligent in your school studies; be diligent in carrying out your household
duties and responsibilities (remember the three R’s—Rebekah, Rachel and Ruth);
be conscientious, honest, dependable, and responsible in your employment (Rom.
12:11); be respectful to your parents (Eph. 6:2); dress modestly (fellows too!)
so that those of the opposite sex will not be overly attracted to your body (1
Tim. 2:9; 1 Pet. 3:3,4); exhibit the nine_fold fruit of the Spirit (Gal.
5:22,23); be faithful in speaking of your Lord and Saviour (2 Tim. 4:5) in your
conversations with other young people. You may not attract Handsome Hunks and
Homecoming Queens this way, but you might attract the attention of a
serious-minded, dedicated Christian who is God’s choice for a life_partner for
you.

      11. Introduce
your friends to your parents and give them an opportunity to get to know your
friends. Ask for your parents’ approval and advice before pursuing any
relationship with one of the opposite sex (Prov. 6:20_24; 13:1; 30:17).