Tamar
was Judah’s daughter-in-law. When her husband died, Judah promised to let her
marry his younger son Shelah. "And it was told Tamar, saying, Behold your
father-in-law [Judah] goes up to Timnath to shear his sheep. And she put her
widow’s garment off from her, and covered her with a veil, and wrapped herself,
and sat in an open place, which is by the way to Timnath; for she saw that
Shelah [Judah’s son] was grown and she was not given unto him to wife. When Judah saw her, he thought her to be a harlot … and came in unto her, and she conceived by
him" (Gen. 38:13-18).

Samson
"loved a woman … whose name was Delilah. And the lords of the
Philistines came up unto her and said unto her, Entice him, and see wherein his
great strength lies, and by what means we may prevail against him, that we may
bind him to afflict him; and we will give you every one of us 1100 pieces of
silver … And she made him sleep upon her knees; and she called for a man, and
she caused him to shave off the seven locks of his head" (Judg. 16:4-19).

Although
Tamar and Delilah lived at different times and had different ethnic
backgrounds, they were both guilty of the same sin. Both used sexual
attractiveness to manipulate a man to do what she wanted him to do. Tamar,
perhaps, had a better motive (desire for a son) than Delilah (desire for
money), but they were both wrong.

This
sin is still frequently committed today. We all know or have heard of young
women who have deliberately become pregnant before marriage so as to compel the
father of the child to marry them. Tamar and Delilah both were guilty of the
sin of fornication or adultery. But there was more to it than that. It was a
kind of sin that even married women can commit against their own husbands.

Married
women can commit the sin of using sex as a tool or club (by offering or
withholding sexual intimacy) to get what they want. What scripture do we have
to say this is wrong? "The wife has not power of her own body, but the
husband; and likewise also the husband has not power of his own body, but the
wife" (1 Cor. 7:4). In other words, once we are married, our bodies do not
belong to ourselves but to our spouses; our bodies are not to be used for our
own selfish purposes but to comfort, encourage, and cherish our spouses. This
verse is directed to men as well as women, although men do not usually use the
promise of or denial of sexual intimacy as a manipulative tool. They are more
likely to use declarations of love (before marriage) or control and commands
(before and after marriage) to get what they want. Any kind of manipulation or
selfishness in marriage is forbidden.

So,
all the biblical commands concerning adultery and fornication, if obeyed by all
Christian men and women, would prevent much of the manipulation of either sex
by the other; and using our bodies as instruments only of love and never of
selfishness after marriage will prevent much of the hurt, bitterness, and
resentment that often arises in marriage. If our long-term goals are a good
marriage and personal holiness, let us not sabotage those goals by misusing our
bodies to obtain much less important short-term goals.