Of the three great events in the
average human existence —birth, marriage, and death—the central one, marriage,
is the only one in which men and women have a choice. The need, therefore, that
young people should consider well before making their choice of a partner, is
exceedingly important because the effects of such a choice are vital as well as
lasting.
Let me mention, in the first
place, the matter of
The Equal Yoke
Writing as I am to young
Christians, the first thing which I want to say is that God’s will, as revealed
to us in the Scriptures, is that Christian women should marry only Christian
men, and that Christian men should marry only Christian women. The marriage of
a believer with an unbeliever constitutes what is called in Scripture an "unequal
yoke." God’s law on this matter, with the reasons for it, is clearly set
forth in 2 Cor. 6:14-16. I would urge you to ponder those verses very
carefully. They deal with the very basic things of married life, concerning
which it is important that the vital question should be seriously considered:
"Can two walk together, except they be agreed?" (Amos 3:3). We cannot
urge too strongly the tremendous necessity of ascertaining, before any
friendship is made—which might eventually lead to marriage—that the friend to
be taken into one’s heart is a genuine believer in the Lord Jesus.
Besides being of one mind
concerning the Christian faith there are certain other things necessary if the
marriage is to be an ideally happy one. When two distinct personalities are to
spend life together, some very practical things are essential. Knowing this,
the Heavenly Father has given, for the guidance of young men, and particularly
for Christian young men, a full length portrait of one who would make an ideal
wife; and He has likewise given a similar portrait of one who would make an
ideal husband. Let me bring these two portraits before you.
The Message to the Young Men
My brother, before you ever
contemplate asking any young woman to marry you, I would counsel you to read
prayerfully and repeatedly the words contained in Proverbs 31:10-31. The
superlative value of the woman described in these verses cannot be expressed.
"Her price is far above rubies" (v. 10). The ruby was the most
precious gem known to the ancients; and in this description of "Mrs.
Far-above-Rubies," the wise Counselor makes it crystal clear that, while
men can build houses, women alone can make homes.
Of her many fine qualities,
there are four which stand out pre-eminently.
1. She is trustworthy. "The
heart of her husband doth safely trust in her" (v. 11). Observe that it is
his heart that trusts in her. The heart is the seat of the affections.
He is not so much concerned about his goods and her care over them. It is her
love for him that he prizes above all. What would be the charm and delight of
goods and possessions without her presence and her love?
His heart "doth safely trust
in her." It is no misplaced confidence; she will never disappoint him or
let him down. "She will do him good and not evil all the days of her
life" (v. 12).
2. She is industrious. "She
seeketh wool and flax, and worketh willingly with her hands." "She
looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of
idleness" (vv. 13 and 27).
3. She is benevolent. "She
stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea she reacheth forth her hands to the
needy" (v. 20). She never forgets that helpfulness is the rent we ought to
pay for living in this world. And so she does all the good she can, to all the
people she can, in all the ways she can, as long as ever she can.
4. She is kindhearted. "She
openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of
kindness" (v. 26). A law—like the law of gravitation—is something that
operates unceasingly; and the wisdom and kindness that characterize her every
utterance are but the incarnation of the lovely and benevolent thoughts which
spring from her heart and mind.
Such then, briefly, is heaven’s
description of the woman that would make you an excellent wife; and the
blessings which will flow to you both through union with such an one are set
forth in the same chapter. You will, through her influence, become a man looked
up to and respected by your fellows (v. 23). And the rewards which will come to
her are recounted in vv. 28-31.
May I suggest then, young
fellow, that if you are forming a friendship with any young woman, a friendship
which you think might eventually lead to your asking her to become your wife,
you wisely and prayerfully consider, and ask yourself, if she is likely to
possess the excellent worthiness of the woman above described.
The Message to the Young Women
My sister, before you give any
answer to the great question which some day may be put to you, and in fact,
before you give your heart’s true love to any young man who seeks to pay you
attention and who seems worthy of your trust, I would suggest that you look
thoughtfully and prayerfully at the picture of God’s ideal man as it is drawn
in the 15th Psalm. Verse 1 makes it clear that he is a citizen of Mount Zion, just as Proverbs 31:30 speaks of you as a woman that fears the Lord. Such a
man, one who is truly equipped to dwell in God’s presence, is likely to be one
who would be to you an ideal husband and partner. Observe some of the things
that characterize him:
1. He is a man of strict
integrity. "He . . . walketh uprightly and worketh righteousness, and
speaketh the truth in his heart" (v. 2). He appears practically, before
men, that which he is, judicially, before God.
2. He has perfect command of his
tongue. "He . . . backbiteth not with his tongue, nor doeth evil to his
neighbor, nor taketh up a reproach against his neighbor" (v. 3). He does
not speak words that rankle, nor does he eagerly listen to tales about other
people.
3. He is loyal to his spoken
word. "He . . . sweareth to his own hurt and changeth not" (v. 4).
His word is his bond. And so, in the matter of love, if a man of this caliber
declares his love to the woman he would choose—if he makes it evident that she,
and she alone, is the object of his love —she may absolutely and unreservedly
trust him.
4. In money matters he is
discreet. "He . . . putteth not out his money to usury, nor taketh reward
against the innocent" (v. 5). He uses money wisely, discreetly,
beneficently. He does not allow it to become his master. He is certain to
recognize that the best things in life-the joy of a happy home and a hallowed
wedlock—are treasures which money cannot buy. And such an one will prefer the
sacred joy of his partner’s love, and the sweet delight of her presence and
comradeship, to the engrossment of grasping after the gold of earth—the love of
which has devastated many an otherwise happy home, and destroyed many a holy
union. Of this man it is said that he is "immovable" (v. 5). He is
upright and truthful; bitter retorts never fall from his lips; his promises are
never broken; he is generous to the last degree. He is a true Christian gentleman.
How Much May Be Expected
Having set before you, my young
friends, these two ideals, I must be honest enough to say that if you wait
until you find, in absolute perfection, in the man or the woman who
would be your choice, the traits of character outlined above, your marriage
will have to be postponed until you reach that land where there are no
marriages! (Matt. 22:30). But it is better to have a high ideal, even if one
comes short of it, than to have a low ideal and succeed. You are to be "heirs
together of the grace of life" (1 Peter 3:7); and to ensure your mutual
happiness, each must courteously and constantly consider the well-being of the
other. Courtesy is like an air-cushion; it eases the jolts of life. When a man,
for example, experiences that his wife unvaryingly speaks to him in gentlest
and kindest tones, he will not carelessly tax her by making a habit of arriving
home late for dinner. When occasion arises that he is to be unavoidably
detained at business, he will, if at all possible, advise her to that effect.
And where a woman is aware that her husband is generous towards her in money
matters, she will not spend carelessly or extravagantly or on unnecessary
things; she will wisely practice thrift. And thus together they may have the joy
and privilege of sometimes being a help to others.
In these days in which our lot
is cast, no form of testimony for God is more urgently needed than that which
is furnished by happy Christian homes. May your home, by and by, be such a
home, my young friend, and may you have the joy that comes from recognizing the
Lord Jesus as its supreme Head.