“The fruit of
the Spirit is … temperance” (Gal. 5:22,23).

        While the word
“temperance” sometimes conveys the thought of moderation and abstinence from
drinking alcoholic beverages, the Scriptural thought goes far beyond this. The
word in the Greek literally means “self-control” and covers all aspects of our
daily lives. The apostle Paul uses this word in 1 Cor. 7:8,9:“I say therefore
to the unmarried and widows, It is good for them if they abide even as I. But
if they cannot contain [or do not have self-control], let them marry; for it is
better to marry than to burn.” In the same epistle the word is used also in the
context of training for an athletic contest:“Every man who strives for the
mastery is temperate [or controls himself] in all things” (1 Cor. 9:25). The
lack of self-control is a characteristic of the last days:“Men shall be …
without natural affection, truce-breakers, false accusers, incontinent [or
without self-control]” (2 Tim. 3:1-3).

        To have
self-control means that we are not slaves to any habit. The person who is not
temperate has cravings for certain natural pleasures, and he either continually
yields to these cravings, or else becomes edgy or grouchy if deprived of the
pleasures. While we might tend to think particularly of alcohol, tobacco, and
other naturally addicting substances in this regard, there are other things,
not physiologically addicting, for which people, including Christians who are
not controlled by the Holy Spirit, may develop cravings. These may include such
things as chocolates or other sweets, coffee, food in general, watching
television, watching the ball game, playing games, reading unprofitable books,
sleeping in, or simply desiring relaxation.

        Many of us may
have problems with regard to pushing ourselves away from the table on which is
often spread enough food for twice the number of people present. Do I desire to
use my body for the Lord, realizing it is the temple of the Holy Spirit (1 Cor.
6:19)? Then I should not want to do anything to my body that will tend to
degrade my health or to reduce my mental alertness. Perhaps a common example of
lack of self-control is found in our partaking of the traditionally large
Sunday noon dinner, and then—because we have eaten more than is
prudent—spending the afternoon sleeping it off. Thus, precious hours which
could have been used in service for the Lord, discussion of the Scriptures, or
prayer and meditation are lost forever.

        The Roman
philosopher Seneca, whose life span overlapped that of the Lord Jesus, once
said, “I am born to greater things than to be the servant of my body.” If a
heathen can recognize the foolishness of indulging the flesh, how much more
should a child of God be diligent not to be in bondage to the desires of the
flesh.

        Listen to what
the Scriptures say about overeating:

        “Put a knife to
your throat if you are a man given to appetite” (Prov. 23:2).

        “The drunkard
and the glutton shall come to poverty” (Prov. 23:21).

        “I will say to
my soul, Soul, you have much goods laid up for many years; take your ease, eat,
drink, and be merry. But God said unto him, You fool, this night your soul
shall be required of you” (Luke 12:19,20).

        Another has
said, “We can certainly enjoy food, relishing in the wholesome aroma and taste
of a succulent meal; but when food begins to be our master we have stepped from
the realm of godly enjoyment to bitter bondage and sin.”

        The Lord Jesus
counseled, “If your right hand offend you, cut it off” (Matt. 5:30). A less
extreme application of this verse could be applied by one who has a problem
with overeating. Try removing all unnecessary foods from your house for a
period of time. Discipline your body as the apostle Paul did and “bring it into
subjection” (1 Cor. 9:27).

        For what do we
hunger and thirst? “Blessed are those who hunger and thirst after
righteousness, for they shall be filled” (Matt. 5:6). “As newborn babes, desire
the since milk of the Word, that you may grow thereby, if so be you have tasted
that the Lord is gracious” (1 Pet. 2:2,3).

        Do we know what
it is to be on the heavenly race course (Phil. 3:10-14; Heb. 12:1,2)? This is
the course in which we lay hold of heavenly blessings and possessions, and gain
more intimate knowledge of Christ Himself. We will come to know very little of
these things apart from self-discipline and self-control—the ability to say an
emphatic “NO” to the natural desires of the flesh.

        “Let your
moderation be known unto all men” (Phil. 4:5).

        Undoubtedly,
moderation is a most commendable Christian virtue, but there is more to the
original word than this. It has been rendered by some as “yieldingness”; this,
too, is an excellent translation and suggests the resilience of character that
many of us sadly lack. Other versions have “considerateness,” “forbearance,”
and “gentleness.” These various terms may be summed up in the very appealing
translation given by another:“Let your sweet reasonableness be
manifested to all men.” What a lovely trait is this sweet reasonableness in a
Christian! It is the very opposite to that unyielding, harshly-dogmatic,
self-determined spirit that so often dominates in place of the meekness and
gentleness of Christ. “I beseech you, my brethren,” wrote Cromwell to the
warring theologians of his day, “remember that it is possible you may be
wrong.” How apt we are to forget this when engaged in discussions as to either
doctrines, methods of service, or assembly principles!            This does not
mean that one need be lacking in intensity of conviction or assurance as to the
correctness of doctrines, principles, or practices that one believes he has
learned from the Word of God. But it does imply a kindly consideration for the
judgment of others who may be equally sincere and equally devoted—and,
possibly, even more enlightened. Nothing is ever lost by recognizing this and
remembering that we all “know in part” (1 Cor. 13:12).

        (From Notes
on Philippians, Loizeaux, Neptune, New Jersey.)

* * *

        Other verses
with the same Greek word as translated “moderation” in Phil. 4:5:

        “I … beseech
you by the … gentleness of Christ” (2 Cor. 10:1).

        “A bishop then
must be patient, not a brawler” (1 Tim. 3:3; also Tit. 3:2, “gentle”).

        “The wisdom
that is from above is … gentle, and easy to be entreated” (Jas. 3:17).

                “Servants,
be subject … not only to the good and gentle, but also to the
froward”(1 Pet. 2:18).

        “Wherefore, my
beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath”
(Jas. 1:19).

        Christ Himself
is the model of this, as of all else that is good. As the Holy One of God, none
was so swift as He to hear God’s Word. He says through the prophet, “The Lord GOD has given Me the tongue of the
learned that I should know how to speak a word in season to him who is weary.
He wakens morning by morning, He wakens Mine ear to hear as the learned. The
Lord GOD has opened Mine ear, and I was not rebellious, neither turned away
back” (Isa. 50:4). Nor was it otherwise with His bearing in the presence of the
tempter:the Word of God was His constant resource, and only the more if Satan
perverted it. “It is written again” (Matt. 4:7) was His lowly, God-honoring
answer. And so it is, and has ever been, with His sheep. They hear His voice
and follow Him; they know not the voice of strangers (John 10:4,5).

        The Word of
truth abides in its value. By it we have been begotten of God (Jas. 1:18); by
it the new life is fed, formed, directed, and strengthened. If we rightly heed
all Scripture, we assuredly shall welcome every word that explains the new life
and its duties, and His glory and grace who is its spring and fullness.

        “Be … slow to
speak.” We have another nature that is self-confident and impulsive. We need to
be on our guard that, knowing ourselves weak, ignorant, and naturally prone to
evil, we may look up to God and wait dependently on Him. As born of Him, it is
ours to be jealous that we may neither misrepresent nor grieve Him. And
therefore are we warned of another danger when it is added that we should be
“slow to wrath.” How often we manifest impotent and hasty self-will! We are now
sanctified to do His will, to obey as Christ obeyed. There is of course a right
occasion for wrath. So the Lord looked round about on those who misused the
Sabbath to oppose God’s grace in an evil world (Mark 3:2-5). But we are
exhorted to be slow to wrath and to let it soon be over. “Be angry and sin not;
let not the sun go down upon your wrath; neither give place to the devil” (Eph.
4:26,27).

        James is
occupied with our practical ways in consistency with God’s sovereign will in
begetting “us with the Word of truth, that we should be a kind of first fruits
of His creatures” (Jas. 1:18). Thus He looks for conduct according to that new
nature He has given us by faith. Submissiveness of heart becomes us in hearkening
to Him, and in avoiding our natural haste of speech and proneness to wrath.

        (From Exposition
of the Epistle of James, Bible Truth Publishers, Addison, Illinois.)

* * *

        Scriptural
advice to the overly quiet:

        “There is … a
time to speak” (Eccl. 3:1,7).

        “If your
brother shall trespass against you, go and tell him his fault between you and
him alone” (Matt. 18:15).

        “Grant unto Thy
servants that with all boldness they may speak Thy Word” (Acts 4:29).

        “Let no man
despise your youth; but be an example of the believers in word” (1 Tim. 4:12).

* * *

        Scriptural
advice to the overly talkative:

        “O that you
would altogether hold your peace! and it should be your wisdom” (Job 13:5).

        “Set a watch, O
LORD, before my mouth; keep the door of my lips” (Psa. 141:3).

        In the
multitude of words there wants not sin; but he who refrains his lips is wise”
(Prov. 10:19).

        “He who has no
rule over his own spirit is like a city that is broken down and without walls” 
(Prov. 25:28).

        “There is … a
time to keep silence”(Eccl. 3:1,7).

        “A fool’s voice
is known by multitude of words” (Eccl. 5:3).

        “In … many
words there are also divers vanities:but fear God” (Eccl. 5:7).

        “Hold your
peace at the presence of the Lord GOD:for the day of the LORD is at
hand” (Zeph. 1:7).

        “Every idle
word that men shall speak, they shall give account thereof in the day of
judgment” (Matt. 12:36).

        “If any man
among you seem to be religious, and bridles not his tongue, but deceives his
own heart, this man’s religion is vain” (Jas. 1:26).

        “A talebearer
goes about revealing secrets:but he who is of a faithful spirit conceals a
matter” (Prov. 11:13).

        Talebearing,
even though the tales be true, is most mischievous. If there be a fault, to
lovingly admonish in private, and then conceal from all others, is in
accordance with the mind of God.

        There is an
instructive word in this connection in Exodus 37. Verses 17-24 relate to the
making of the candlestick, or lamp stand, for the tabernacle. Among the
accessories to it, we read in verse 23 that Moses “made his seven lamps, and
his snuffers, and his snuff-dishes, of pure gold.” We find here something that
is intensely interesting and unspeakably precious. No lamp will long burn well
without occasional snuffing. Hence God has made provision even for so
apparently insignificant a matter as this. To the mind of man it might seem of
trifling importance as to how a light was snuffed, and what was done with the
black snuff afterwards. In God’s eye, nothing is trivial that concerns the
glory of His Son, or the welfare of His people.

        The snuffers
were made “of pure gold”—that which symbolizes the divine glory, and speaks,
too, of perfect righteousness. It may often happen that some saint of God is
losing his brightness, and no longer shining for Him as he once did. It is the
priest with the golden tongs to whom is entrusted the delicate task of
“snuffing.” “Brethren, if a man be overtaken in a fault, you who are spiritual
restore such a one in the spirit of meekness; considering yourself, lest you
also be tempted” (Gal. 6:1). Thus will the “snuffing” be accomplished according
to God, and the restored brother’s light burn all the brighter for it.

        But what then? Is
the evil to be spread abroad, and made a matter of common knowledge? Ah, there
were not only the snuffers, but the snuff-dishes; and they too were of pure
gold! The priest was to put carefully away, in these golden receptacles, the
black, dirty snuff which he had removed from the wick. To have gone about
spreading the filth upon the spotless garments of other priests would have been
to defile them all. It must be hidden away in the presence of God! Is not this
where we often fail?

        How much grief
and sorrow might have been prevented in many an assembly if the golden
snuff-dishes had been more often used! On every hand we hear of strife and
discord brought about through evil speaking; and it is remarkable how ready we
are to listen to that which we know can only defile. Oh that there might be
more “angry countenances” among us when the backbiter is out seeking to spot
and blacken the snowy garments of God’s holy priests (Prov. 25:23)!

        In the New
Testament the divine way of dealing with a brother’s fault is clearly defined:
“Moreover if your brother shall trespass against you, go and tell him his fault
between you and him alone:if he shall hear you, you have gained your brother”
(Matt. 18:15). If brethren would sternly refuse to listen to complaints against
others until this first condition has been complied with, it would go far to do
away with evil speaking. Many a brother would be won if approached in priestly
nearness to God by one who carried with him the golden snuffers and the
snuff-dish.

        But if he
refuse to hear? Then “take with you one or two more.” And if still willful, as
a last resource, “tell it unto the church” (Matt. 18:16,17). But this is not to
be done until the other means have failed.

        By thus acting
in accordance with the Word of God, much shame and misery might be spared
innocent persons, and many wandering ones recovered who, through backsliding,
are driven deeper into the mire. God, too, will be glorified, and the Lord
Jesus honored; for He has said, “If I then, your Lord and Master, have washed
your feet, you also ought to wash one another’s feet…. If you know these
things, happy are you if you do them” (John 13:14,17).

        (From Notes
on the Book of Proverbs, Loizeaux, Neptune, New Jersey.)

* * *

        More Scriptures
concerning talebearing:

        “A froward man
sows strife; and a whisperer separates chief friends” (Prov. 16:28).

        “He who covers
a transgression seeks love; but he who repeats a matter separates very friends”
(Prov. 17:9).

        “The words of a
talebearer are as wounds, and they go down into the innermost parts of the
belly” (Prov. 18:8; 26:22).

        “Where no wood
is, there the fire goes out; so where there is no talebearer, the strife
ceases” (Prov. 26:20).

        “Whisperers,
backbiters, haters of God” (Rom. 1:29; 2 Cor. 12:20).

        Our hearts go
out to married couples of which only one of the partners is saved. How
difficult it often is for such couples to enjoy the full mutual happiness that
comes from both partners being submitted to the Lord. We should seek to
encourage the believing spouse by assuring him/her of our prayers. But can we
do more? Is there any advice we can give to our brothers and sisters in such
situations? Let us seek counsel from the holy Scriptures.

The Wife’s Meek and

Quiet Spirit

        In 1 Peter
3:1-4 we find the following advice given to the wife of an unsaved man:
“Likewise, you wives, be in subjection to your own husbands, that, if any obey
not the Word, they also may without the Word be won by the conversation of the
wives; while they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear. Whose
adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of
wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel; but let it be the hidden man of
the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and
quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price.”

        The first point
made by the apostle is that wives should be subject to the authority of their
husbands. We have noted in a previous issue how important this is for achieving
a happy marriage when both partners are saved. It is of no less importance if
the husband is not saved, for it not only will help to make the marriage more
stable and enjoyable, but it will also be a most effective testimony to the
unsaved husband. An attitude of submission (verse 1), chaste or pure behavior
(verse 2), and a meek and quiet spirit (verse 4) are all important elements to
be manifested by a woman who wishes to see the salvation of her husband. The
word “conversation” in verses 1 and 2 is an unfortunate translation in the King
James Version. “Behavior” is a better translation. The thrust of the passage is
that the husband is won to the Lord not by much preaching and cajoling by the
wife but by the submissive, pure, meek, and quiet behavior of the wife.
Often, the wife may try too hard to push Christianity onto her husband.
Sprinkling the house with gospel tracts, covering the walls with Scripture
texts, having the Christian radio station on whenever he is home, and having
Christian friends come over to speak to the husband may have the effect of
driving him further away from the Lord. On the other hand, the husband is
watching the wife very carefully to see what effect Christ and Christianity are
having in her personal life. If she is living a Christ-like life (see 1 Pet.
2:21-23 for some elements of this), diligently attending to his physical,
emotional, and material needs, showing love and affection to him, and being
submissive to him, these attitudes and actions will certainly not go unnoticed
by him.

The Wife’s Manner of Dress

        Another point
made by the apostle has to do with the wife’s manner of dress. She should dress
modestly at all times, not seeking to draw attention to herself by the type of
clothing or jewelry she wears. Her husband will tend to fear that he may have
rivals for his wife’s affections among her Christian friends, so he needs a
great deal of reassurance as to his wife’s devotedness to him.

The Wife’s Submission to

Her Unsaved Husband

        With regard to
“Wives, be in subjection to your own husbands,” a perplexing question
frequently arises:“How far does this subjection go?” Suppose the husband does
not allow the wife to attend the meetings and activities of the assembly.
Should the wife submit and stay home on the basis of this Scripture along with
Eph. 5:22,23, or should she disobey her husband on the basis of “we ought to
obey God rather than men” (Acts 5:29) and “not forsaking the assembling of
ourselves together” (Heb. 10:25)? There is no easy answer to these questions,
but I would tend to advise along the line of submission to the husband in this
as well as other situations that do not require her to engage in wicked
behavior. It may help to consider that while man looks on the outward
appearance, God looks on the heart. If the sister’s heart is with the
assembly—if she longs to be there but is prevented by her husband—the Lord
takes note of that. One is not generally considered to be forsaking the
assembly if prevented because of a trial such as a serious chronic illness; is
it any different if one is prevented because of a different kind of trial such
as an unsaved and unyielding husband?

Not Blind, Unquestioning

Obedience

        Obedience to
the husband in such instances should not necessarily be a blind, unquestioning
obedience. The wife would do well to seek to discern her husband’s reasons for
his prohibition. It may be that he simply resents her being away from home. He
may fear that she is not satisfied with the friendship and companionship which
he has to offer her and that she is seeking it from persons who share her
Christian faith. He may feel that she will neglect her household duties, or may
not be available when he needs her. Thus, the wife should make a special effort
to prove to her husband that she really does care for him and enjoys spending
time with him. She should take the initiative in suggesting things to do and
places to go together, considering particularly his interests. If he does allow
her to go out occasionally, she should make it a point to return home promptly
after the service is over. And if she believes that it is God’s will that she
disobey her husband’s wishes in order to attend meetings of the assembly, then
she should bend over backwards to be submissive to her husband in every other
respect possible.

An Unsaved Wife

        If it is the
husband who is saved and the wife unsaved, many of the same principles apply.
While the husband is not bound by Scripture to submit to his wife’s wishes
concerning his Christian activities, he must give full consideration to her
fears, needs, and desires. He might consider curtailing some of his
church-related activities in order to spend time with her. He ought to make
every effort frequently to reassure her of his love for her. Also, Peter
exhorts the husbands to give “honor unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel”
(1 Pet. 3:7). Since women tend to be weaker physically and tire more easily
than men, the husband should guard against frequently running off under the
guise of serving the Lord or meeting with his fellow Christians, while leaving
his already tired wife behind to clean up the kitchen, put the children to bed,
and pack his lunch. Such actions will not go far in attracting the wife to the
Lord Jesus.

Sanctifying Influence of the

Saved Spouse and Parent

        Further
instruction is given in 1 Cor. 7:12-16. While Christians are to carefully avoid
entering into an unequal yoke in marriage, once they find themselves in such a
yoke they are not to seek to get out of it. The saved one by a Christ-like life
has a sanctifying effect upon the unbelieving spouse, as well as upon the
children. But suppose the unbelieving spouse lays down the ultimatum:“Either
you give up all manifestations of your Christian life or I am leaving.” Verse
15 of this chapter suggests that the believer should let the spouse leave in
such instances. While every effort should be made to preserve a marriage (in
keeping with Gen. 2:24 and Matt. 19:6), no one is asked to do this at the
expense of giving up the Christian faith.

Marriage of a Saved Person

to an Unbeliever

        The passages we
have been considering in 1 Peter and 1 Corinthians likely were written
primarily to those who were already married when they became saved. The
principles apply equally to those believers who, in violation of 2 Cor. 6:14,
willfully marry an unbeliever. However, many additional problems may exist here
because of the sin of the believer in disobeying God’s Word with regard to
choice of a marriage partner. There may be the problem of guilt feelings due to
not having confessed the sin or not being sure that God can or will forgive so
serious a sin. For this we need to be reminded of the wonderful promise in 1
John 1:9:“If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our
sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” There may be envy
toward others who did not commit the same sin and as a consequence are
enjoying happy Christian marriages. This attitude needs to be confessed as
sinful. One may engage in self-pity, which often leads to depression, as a
result of making the foolish choice. Or, conversely, there may be fantasizing
about how much more pleasant life would be if married to another Christian.
Brooding over the past, being depressed over the present, despairing over the
future, and dreaming about what might have been … but is not, will only
increase the problems, make it more difficult truly to love and cherish one’s spouse,
and lessen the effectiveness of a Christian witness toward that person.

No Thoughts of Divorce

        Above all, the
saved partner must diligently avoid entertaining the hope that his or her
unsaved partner will initiate a divorce. If this is at all in the mind of the
saved partner, it may give rise to subtle behaviors aimed at sabotaging the
marriage and turning away the heart of the partner. The saved partner might
think that a divorce will automatically set him/her free to find and marry
another Christian. However, this thinking is not Scriptural. The verse, “if the
unbelieving depart … a brother or a sister is not under bondage” (1 Cor.
7:15) does not imply freedom to remarry. (A detailed exposition of this verse
can be found in the writer’s book, The Christian and Marriage, and in Words
of Truth, July-August 1982, or by writing to the editor.) Only if the
unsaved partner remarries (thus committing adultery in the extreme) might the
saved partner be free to remarry (Matt. 5:32; 19:9). Even then, if the saved
partner has undermined the first marriage, how can he/she expect God to bless a
new marriage?

        For those who
may not be doing all they can to preserve their marriage and to be the best
possible wife or husband to their spouse, I urge the following:Confess your
sin to God and accept His forgiveness. Persevere in prayer (Col. 4:2 JND), both
for the salvation of your spouse and for spiritual wisdom, patience, and
strength for yourself. Keep believing that God will answer your prayers
concerning your unsaved spouse. Keep feeding on God’s Word, and if you have
children, be faithful and persistent in feeding them the Word as well. Keep
living the Christian life with a meek, quiet, submissive spirit. And though
faint, keep pursuing (Judg. 8:4) these goals; keep following Christ.