by Paul L. Canner
(Ed. note:The following was
first published 15 years ago in Words of Truth. Given the times in which
we live, and the tendency of Christians to behave more and more like
non-Christians, it seems necessary to have the truth of God’s Word on this
topic brought afresh to our hearts and consciences. This article is a somewhat
condensed version of the original series of three articles. The complete set of
articles is included in a book, The Christian and Marriage, that can be
obtained for $2.99 plus postage from Moments With The Book, P.O. Box 322, Bedford, PA 15522.)
Two Fundamental Principles
Let us begin our scriptural
consideration of this very difficult and controversial topic of divorce and
remarriage with a statement of two fundamental principles from the Word of God:
1. God hates divorce.
"I hate putting away [or divorce], says Jehovah the God of Israel"
(Mal. 2:16 JND). "What therefore God has joined together, let not man put
asunder" (Matt. 19:6).
2. God loves forgiveness
and reconciliation. "Be kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one
another, even as God for Christ’s sake has forgiven you" (Eph. 4:32).
"Let her … be reconciled to her husband" (1 Cor. 7:11).
In this age of great laxity with
regard to divorce as with all aspects of morality, there is a tendency for
Christians to approach the matter of divorce from a totally wrong standpoint.
The primary focus often is seeking to find scriptural reasons to justify
divorce and remarriage, trying to define the so-called "exception
clause," etc. However, it is the great responsibility of marriage
counselors as well as brothers and sisters in Christ of couples contemplating
divorce to attempt to get the couple to refocus their attention on the ways and
means of resolving problems and to the prospect of reconciliation. We need to
remind ourselves and one another of what God has done for us. He has
"reconciled us to Himself by Jesus Christ" (2 Cor. 5:18). Also,
"God for Christ’s sake has forgiven" us (Eph. 4:32). Is it not His
desire that we in turn forgive one another (especially our spouses!) and be
reconciled to one another (2 Cor. 5:18; Matt. 6:14,15; 18:21-35)?
We shall now consider what the
Scriptures say about acceptable reasons for divorce and remarriage. But as we
consider such things as the "exception clause" of Matt. 5:32 and 19:9
and the "not under bondage" clause of 1 Cor. 7:15, we need to be
careful not to become like the Pharisees who tried to find ways and means of
interpreting Scripture to meet their own selfish desires. While there may
indeed be scriptural allowance for divorce and remarriage in certain prescribed
circumstances, we need ever to keep in focus the fundamental principles stated
above that God hates divorce and loves forgiveness and reconciliation.
The "Exception Clause"
"Whosoever shall put away
his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causes her to commit adultery;
and whosoever shall marry her who is divorced commits adultery" (Matt.
5:32). "Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication,
and shall marry another, commits adultery" (Matt. 19:9). It is clear from
these passages that divorce and remarriage are both permitted under certain
circumstances. We need now to define precisely those circumstances. Four
situations will be discussed:
1. A believer is divorced and the
former spouse remarries.
2. The believer’s spouse commits
fornication, but does not divorce the believer.
3. The believer’s spouse obtains
a divorce, but does not remarry and does not commit fornication.
4. The believer is deserted by
the spouse.
Divorce and Remarriage by the
Believer’s Spouse
If a believer is divorced and the
former spouse remarries, this might be considered as "fornication in the
extreme" on the part of the former spouse. Therefore, it may be inferred
from Matt. 5:32 that the believer in this situation is free to remarry without
being guilty of adultery. However, let it be added that the one divorced should
not feel compelled to remarry, but should carefully weigh before the Lord the
option of remaining unmarried (see 1 Cor. 7:8,27,32-34,38-40).
Fornication but Not Divorce by
the Believer’s Spouse
If the spouse of a believer
commits fornication, but does not initiate a divorce from the believer, it
would seem, again on the basis of Matt. 19:9, that the believer is given
permission to divorce the unfaithful spouse and to remarry without being guilty
of adultery. However, for one who may be planning to initiate divorce from an
unfaithful spouse, there are some important questions and principles to
consider.
First, it is important to
consider the attitude of the so-called "innocent party" toward the
marriage and toward the sinning spouse. If a marriage has been floundering for
some time, one or both partners—instead of trying to take the necessary steps
of confession, forgiveness, and reconciliation—may be secretly looking for a
scriptural excuse to terminate the marriage. A single act of infidelity on the
part of one’s spouse, whether present or past, whether repented of or not, may
be seized upon as a justifiable reason for divorce. Considering the exception
clauses of Matt. 5:32 and 19:9 alone, one cannot argue against this reason. But
we must consider this matter in the light of the entire Word of God. We
must balance the tendency to seize upon any act of marital unfaithfulness as a
basis for divorce with the fundamental scriptural principles that God hates
divorce and God loves forgiveness and reconciliation. Certainly, if the
sinning spouse has confessed and repented of his/her sin to the spouse, there
is an obligation to forgive, just as God "is faithful and just to forgive
us our sins" when we confess them to Him (1 John 1:9; also Eph. 4:32).
Furthermore, God has forgiven us far beyond those sins we have consciously
recognized, confessed, and repented of. He is always seeking to draw His wandering,
sinful children back to Himself. Are we to be different from our heavenly
Father in this respect? Should we not patiently, prayerfully be seeking the
return and reconciliation of our errant spouse, however great or extensive the
sin (see Hosea 2:6-8; 3:1-3)? Let us remember too that very rarely is the fault
or failing one-sided. All behavior is caused, and there may well be reasons
within the marriage why one has looked elsewhere for gratification.
Thus, before divorce for
fornication is even contemplated, the "innocent party" should be
doing everything within his/her power (or, more properly, through the power of
the Holy Spirit) to bring about restoration and reconciliation of the sinning
spouse. If the spouse persists in unfaithfulness, scripture still seems to
advise the Christian to refrain from initiating a divorce:"Let not
the wife depart [literally, be separated] from her husband; but and if she
depart [or be separated], let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her
husband; and let not the husband put away his wife" (1 Cor. 7:10,11). (See
The Christian and Marriage for more details on this point.)
If the unfaithful one finally
initiates a divorce, according to the Matthew passages the "innocent
party" may remarry without being branded an adulterer. However, as final
as a divorce may seem to be, the desire and hope for reconciliation should not
cease once a divorce has been finalized. My own counsel to such a one would be
not to consider marriage to another person until there is indication that reconciliation
will never or can never occur. Thus, one who is divorced would do well to wait
either for the Lord to work the miracle of reconciliation or for the matter to
be resolved by the unfaithful one remarrying another person. This latter, as
pointed out above, is an extreme act of fornication or adultery, and renders
impossible recovery of the original marriage.
Divorce but Not Fornication by
the Believer’s Spouse
So far we have considered the
question of divorce and remarriage of a believer when fornication or remarriage
of the unfaithful spouse has occurred. Let us now consider the status of the
Christian who has been divorced by his/her spouse but where there is no
remarriage and no evidence of fornication on the part of the divorcing spouse.
The crucial question in such a situation is whether there is freedom for the
divorced one to remarry.
The Lord’s teaching in Matt. 5:32
again appears to be very plain in this regard:"Whosoever shall put away
his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causes her to commit adultery;
and whosoever shall marry her who is divorced commits adultery."
Thus, if the divorced one remarries, both she and the one who marries her
become adulterers; apparently this is because the divorce is not recognized as
valid in the eyes of the Lord.
A passage in 1 Corinthians 7 is
often referred to in this connection and used to present instruction contrary
to that found in Matt. 5:32. Concerning a believer who is divorced or deserted
by a spouse who is an unbeliever, verse 15 reads, "A brother or a sister
is not under bondage in such cases, but God has called us to peace." This
is taken by some to be another exception clause to be added to the one in Matt.
5:32. That is, the believer is free to remarry not only if the divorcing spouse
is a fornicator, but also if the divorcing spouse is an unbeliever. The problem
with this teaching is that the second exception, rather than supporting and
extending the first exception, blatantly contradicts it. How can it be that the
believer divorced by an unbeliever is free to remarry when at the same
time "WHOSOEVER shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of
fornication, causes her to commit adultery"? The so-called exception
clause in 1 Cor. 7:15 cannot stand without altering the Lord’s teaching in
Matt. 5:32.
What then does 1 Cor. 7:15 mean?
Both the context and the original Greek will help us as we consider this
passage in some detail. In verses 10 and 11 we have a statement of the general
principle:"Let not the wife depart [or be separated] from her
husband; but and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to
her husband; and let not the husband put away his wife." This is a
restatement of the words of the Lord in Matt. 19:6, "What therefore God
has joined together, let not man put asunder [or separate; same Greek
word, chorizo, as in 1 Cor. 7:10,11]." Then in verses 12-16 the
apostle Paul considers a special situation not explicitly covered by the Lord
Jesus in His address to His disciples. "But to the rest speak I, not the
Lord, If any brother has a wife who believes not, and she be pleased to dwell
with him, let him not put her away. And the woman who has a husband who
believes not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him.
For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife
is sanctified by the husband:else were your children unclean, but now are thy
holy. But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is
not under bondage in such cases, but God has called us to peace. For what do
you know, O wife, whether you shall save your husband? or how do you know, O
man, whether you shall save your wife?"
In the corrupt city of Corinth,
it was not uncommon for a new believer in Christ to have previously been an
idolater and perhaps also an adulterer, and to have an unsaved spouse still
taken up with the corrupt practices prevalent in that locale. Thus the question
no doubt was posed to the apostle Paul as to whether it was appropriate to
continue living with one’s unsaved spouse—to continue in that unequal yoke with
an unbeliever while now linked with Christ. In the Old Testament we read in
Ezra 10 of the Israelites putting away the wives they had taken from the
surrounding nations. Is this what the believers in Christ were to do with their
unbelieving spouses? No, the apostle gives instruction befitting the period of
grace in which we now live:If the unbeliever is willing to continue the
marriage, this is fine; do not leave or break up the marriage, "for the
unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife and the unbelieving wife is
sanctified by the husband." The daily prayers and Christian testimony of
the unbelieving spouse are of inestimable value to the soul of the unsaved one
and may result in the salvation of that one. Note that again the fundamental
principles of the permanency of marriage and God hating divorce are in evidence
in the instruction given here.
But what if the unbeliever is not
content to continue the marriage? What if he is ashamed or embarrassed to have
a wife who will no longer join him in his corrupt or worldly practices and who
would much prefer to spend her time reading the Bible, worshipping with other
believers, and serving the Lord? What if
he threatens her that unless she gives up her new religion
he will leave or divorce her? "If the unbelieving depart, let him
depart" (verse 15). In other words, although God’s desire for all is
permanency in marriage, He does not expect one to give up Christianity in order
to keep his or her marriage from disintegrating (see Matt. 19:29). While we are
enjoined to submit ourselves one to another in the fear of God, and while wives
are to submit themselves unto their own husbands (Eph. 5:21,22), this
submission and subjugation cannot be carried out at the expense of obedience to
the Lord (Acts 5:29; Col. 3:18).
This seems to be the setting for
the next phrase of our passage, "A brother or a sister is not under
bondage in such cases" (1 Cor. 7:15). "Under bondage" is a
translation of the Greek word douloo which means literally "brought
into servitude or subjugation." It does not say that a brother or a
sister in no longer under servitude or subjugation (the Greek word for
this is douleuo) but is not brought into this condition. (See
Acts 7:6 and Rom. 6:18 for examples of douloo and Acts 7:7 and Rom. 6:6
for examples of douleuo.) It is referring to a new kind of servitude—to
one’s marriage rather than to the Lord—that would be imposed upon the believer
if forced to give up the Christian walk to prevent the unbelieving spouse from
breaking up the marriage.
It is argued by some that
"not under bondage" means that the bond of marriage (referred to in 1
Cor. 7:27,39 and Rom. 7:2) is broken when an unbelieving spouse departs or
divorces, thus freeing the believer to remarry another. To some extent this
notion has been promoted by a misreading of the Greek words in the four
passages. In 1 Cor. 7:15, "bondage" is douloo, while in Rom.
7:2 and 1 Cor. 7:27,39 "bound" is deo. A number of prominent
Bible teachers have based their interpretation of 1 Cor. 7:15 at least in part
on the mistaken notion that the same Greek word is used in these four passages.
Deo means "to bind, as with a rope or chain," and is also
found in Mark 11:4 in reference to a "colt tied by the door,"
and in Acts 12:6 and 24:27 of prisoners bound by chains or other measures. Douloo
along with its companion verb douleuo, "to serve or be in
servitude," and noun form doulos, "servant," are
sometimes used in the New Testament to denote slavery to a human master (as in
Philem. 16). However, these words are used much more frequently to denote a
willing service by Christians to God or to one another. For example, "You
became the servants of righteousness … and … servants of
God" (Rom. 6:18,22); "I made myself servant unto all" (1
Cor. 9:19); and "By love serve one another" (Gal. 5:13). Deo
and douloo (and its companions) have distinctive meanings and are not
used interchangeably nor as denoting different degrees or stages of the same
condition. For this reason, along with the one given in the preceding paragraph,
we have no warrant for saying that "not under bondage" in 1 Cor. 7:15
refers to the breaking of the marriage bond.
Many people have another
misconception concerning "bondage" in 1 Cor. 7:15. They regard having
to remain unmarried for an indefinite period of time while hoping for
reconciliation to be a state of bondage. The believer is not able to enjoy
marriage with the original spouse, and neither is he or she free to remarry
another as long as the unbelieving spouse does not break the original marriage
bond by remarrying or committing fornication. It is thus argued that "not
under bondage" in 1 Cor. 7:15 means that there is freedom for the believer
to remarry under such circumstances. However, this interpretation does not fit
in with the context of the entire passage. The apostle Paul did not regard it
bondage to be in an unmarried state, but rather freedom (verses
7,8,27,32,34,37,38,40).
It may therefore be concluded
that while the believer is not required to give up his or her Christian
religion in order to appease the unbelieving spouse and keep the marriage
together, there does not appear to be any clear Biblical permission for
remarriage when one is divorced by an unbelieving spouse. In fact, according to
Matt. 5:32, as already noted, remarriage by the believer would result in an
adulterous relationship unless there were fornication on the part of the
unbeliever or the marriage bond had been broken by remarriage of the unbeliever
to another person. Thus, the general principle for separated or divorced ones
laid down in 1 Cor. 7:10,11—"remain unmarried, or be
reconciled"—seems to remain valid in this specific situation.
To those who may reject the
foregoing arguments and insist that "not under bondage" implies
liberty to remarry, I would urge two things:
1. The fundamental principles
that God hates divorce and God loves forgiveness and reconciliation
ought to be very carefully considered should such a situation of divorce by an
unbeliever occur. Thus remarriage, if it occurs at all, should be put off for a
lengthy period of time—perhaps years—to allow adequate time to see if the
unbeliever’s heart will be changed in response to the periodic reaffirmations
of devotion by the spouse and of the desire for reconciliation. Reconciliation with
the original spouse rather than remarriage to a new one should always be
uppermost in the mind of the believer.
2. The person who rejects these
arguments ought to be honest enough to write to the author of this article and
tell him where he has erred in his explanation and interpretation of the
scriptures concerning divorce and remarriage.
Desertion by the Believer’s Spouse
We have considered the passage in
1 Corinthians 7 as applying to divorce by an unbelieving spouse. It might
equally apply to desertion by the unbeliever without formal divorce. By
"desertion" I refer to a person dropping out of sight—totally
disappearing—for an extended period of time. This is generally a very trying
situation for the believing spouse because of the uncertainty of it all. There
is no knowledge of whether he is dead or alive, whether he has remarried under
a different name, or whether there is any possibility of reconciliation.
Here, as in the other situations
we have considered, every provision for reconciliation should be made. I would
suggest that the minimum standard for the believing spouse should be to
fall back on state or local law concerning the presumption of death after a
person has been missing for several years. In most states this period is seven
years. Once a person is legally presumed to be dead, a marriage with that
person can be annulled or dissolved by the courts if the "surviving"
spouse so desires.
Further Considerations
Some may regard the instruction
given in this chapter to be overly strict, imposing an intolerable burden upon
those divorced or deserted. Indeed it is possible that a believer who is
divorced or deserted may be in a position where it is not scripturally
permissible to remarry for many years or perhaps the rest of his/her life. This
will be a very trying an burdensome situation for most in that position,
although not beyond the ability of the Lord to come in and provide the needed
strength and help and encouragement. "God is faithful, who will not suffer
you to be tempted [or tried] above what you are able; but will with the
temptation also make a way to escape, that you may be able to bear it" (1
Cor. 10:13).
There may be a strong temptation
to go ahead and remarry in spite of scriptural prohibition, and hope that God
will forgive. Certainly God does forgive in such situations, but much blessing
is lost whenever we take matters into our own hands and move contrary to
Scripture. For those who may think their trial and burden is unique, it might
help to consider other calamities, some perhaps even worse than divorce or
desertion, that bring marriage to an end, for all practical purposes, and at
the same time make it impossible for one to remarry. There are those whose
spouses have been in a coma or have existed as a "vegetable" for
years following a stroke or heart attack or accident; those whose spouses are
in prison for life or perhaps in a prisoner-of-war camp in a foreign country;
and those with spouses who have become severely mentally ill and must spend
most of the time in an institution.
This leads into another important
point. What is the responsibility of the fellow-believers of those who
experience such trials? We must recognize that persons who have been divorced
or deserted—like those whose spouses have been taken away in death—will have
many needs, both material, emotional, and spiritual. And we must be willing to
put ourselves out, both as individuals and as assemblies of believers, to help
those fellow members of the body of Christ who are in distress.
In conclusion, it is most
encouraging these days to find one who takes seriously the truth that God hates
divorce and loves reconciliation, and is willing to forego divorce and/or
remarriage in order to persevere in prayer and expectation of reconciliation
with his/her spouse. Such a person will be richly blessed by the Lord and is
most deserving of all the financial, emotional, and spiritual support we can
possibly give.