Dealing with the Problem
of Sinful Anger
It is easy to say, “Stop
your sinful anger,” but many people, including Christians, really struggle with
the problem of uncontrolled anger. It may seem like the anger just flashes out
before the person knows it is happening. What advice can we give to such
people?
1. First of all, take an
inventory of all the excuses you have given yourself for your anger problem. Do
you say, “That’s just the way I am,” or “That’s the way God made me,” or “I’m
only human,” or “I’m just a sinner like everyone else,” or “All the males in my
family have anger,” or “I have a short fuse but I get over it quickly,” “I
often wake up on the wrong side of the bed”? Not a single one of these excuses
is valid, because as a Christian you are a new creation in Christ:“old things
are passed away; behold, all things are become new” (2 Cor. 5:17).
2. Check your thought life.
Do you often have angry thoughts toward certain people? Does your mind go
through scenarios in which you are engaged in an angry argument with someone?
When this happens, do you catch yourself, confess your sin to God, and ask Him
to help you to deal with that person in a loving, Christ-like way? “Be not
hasty in your spirit to be angry” (Eccl. 7:9).
3. Do you have a “gunny
sack” problem? First of all, confess as sin your letting “the sun go down upon
your wrath.” Then memorize Prov. 19:11, “It is a glory to pass over a
transgression.” Commit all of the items that used to fill your gunny sack to the
Lord. Pray that the Lord will help you to accept your spouse or child or parent
for what he/she is—warts and all—and that the Lord will help him/her to be more
considerate of you. Meanwhile, count it as an opportunity to show love to the
offending person by overlooking the transgressions and, where possible, finding
creative solutions to the problems. By creative solution I mean, for example,
getting all the persons in the house their own individual tube of toothpaste
which each one can squeeze however he or she likes.
4. Memorize Matt. 5:44:
“Love your enemies, bless those who curse you, etc.” We may not think of
applying this verse to the present situation of a family member who has
irritating habits and behaviors. But if we are to love and bless and do good to
those who are our sworn enemies, how much more ought we to do these
things to those who are our close friends and loved ones!
5. If you have a problem
with angry words “popping out” before you know it, pay attention to whether
this ever happens when you have company over or are in the presence of other
Christians in the assembly or your next door neighbor or your boss at work or
while you are talking on the telephone with the head of the local gossip
society. If you can control yourself under certain circumstances, then you can
control yourself under all circumstances by simply keeping in mind that
the entire Trinity dwells in us if we are God’s children (Rom. 8:9,11; 1 Cor.
3:16; Eph. 3:17; 2 Tim. 1:4; 1 John 4:12,15,16). Surely we want to have self-control
in the presence of our blessed Saviour. The “fruit of the Spirit is …
temperance [or self-control]” (Gal. 5:22,23), so we are not slaves to the lack
of self-control that is part of our old, sinful nature.
6. Memorize Phil. 4:8 and
meditate upon it often. If you find a tendency to have angry, vengeful thoughts
concerning a particular person, whenever you find yourself thinking such
thoughts about a person, replace those thoughts with thoughts of that which is
true, honest, just, pure, lovely, of good report, virtuous, and praiseworthy
about the person. For example, instead of thinking about spreading falsehoods
or evil reports in vengeance against that person, think rather about that
person’s character traits that are virtuous or worthy of praise. “Whatsoever
things are lovely” means those things that tend toward making friends. so
replace your angry thoughts with thoughts about how you and the other person
can become better friends.
7. Just keeping the anger
bottled up inside us is not the solution to our problem. This will tend
to create other problems such as depression, stress, and physical illness. You
need either to turn the whole thing over to the Lord and let Him deal with it,
or else in a prayerful, loving, Christ-like manner go to the person with whom
you are angry and seek to resolve the problem. “Be not overcome of evil, but
overcome evil with good” (Rom. 12:21). J.N. Darby wrote, in connection with
this verse, “Let not my bad temper put you in a bad temper.” And George
Washington Carver said once, “I will never let another man ruin my life by
making me hate him.”
8. “Surely the wrath of man
shall praise Thee:the remainder of wrath shalt Thou restrain” (Psa. 76:10).
What does this mean? God turns man’s wrathful fury into ultimate blessing for
man. Nowhere is this better seen than at the Cross of Calvary. Also, there is a
saying that goes something like:“The persecution of the saints is the seed of
the Church.” Satan and man have joined together in repeated attempts to destroy
God’s people from off the face of the earth. But the Scriptures assure us that
God puts great limitations upon man’s wrath. He will only permit that which
will ultimately bring praise and glory to Himself; the rest He will restrain.
One of the implications of this verse is that God, as part of His program of
discipline for His children, permits the anger and sinful behaviors of men and
women as tests of faith for His own people, just as the unjust charges that
Job’s so-called “comforters” brought against him turned out to be a bigger
challenge to Job’s faith than the loss of all things brought about by Satan’s
hand. When the Lord tests His own, it is in view of our passing the test
in the strength and ability that He gives to us. So, let us consider those
people or things that cause us to become angry to be tests from God. And let us
remember that “God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tested above that
you are able; but will with the testing also make a way to escape, that you may
be able to bear it” (1 Cor. 10:13).
Concluding Comments
Let us summarize the chief
lessons to be drawn from this treatise on anger:
1. The Christian is commanded
to “be angry” at serious sin against God or other people, following the example
of Christ.
2. The energy from this
“righteous indignation” is to be directed toward helping the sinning one to be
delivered from the sin, and must not degenerate into a sinful anger.
3. We should seek in prayer
and study of God’s Word to be very clear as to the difference between righteous
anger and sinful anger.
4. Most sinful anger
centers around me—people not doing what I want them to do, or
treating me unfairly, or disrespecting me, or daring to criticize
me.
5. Sometimes our sinful
anger is directed toward those who are consciously seeking to carry out God’s
will.
6. We sometimes use our
anger as a tool for controlling others.
7. Anger may be expressed
in ways other than “blowing up,” such as using the silent treatment, taking
vengeance by spreading false reports, making fun of the person, or “gunny
sacking.”
8. We must be in prayer
about the appropriate occasions for passing over a transgression.
9. We must become aware of
ways in which we provoke others to anger.
10. We must throw away all
of our excuses for our anger problem.
11. We must bring under
control and judge anger in our thought life and replace the angry thoughts with
what we find in Phil. 4:8.
12. We must realize that “the
fruit of the Spirit is … self-control,” and depend upon the Holy Spirit to
give us the victory through continually refocusing our heart and mind on the
Person of Christ.
13. It may help us to
know that things or people that make us angry are a part of God’s tests in
disciplining and chastening us, and He will give us all the power we need to
pass the tests.