“And the LORD God
said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a help meet
for him” (Gen. 2:18). The expression, “a help meet for him,” means a helper
corresponding to him or suitable to him.
In what sense was
the woman (Eve) whom God provided for the man (Adam) a helper corresponding to
him? This provision occurred before the need to wash dishes, launder clothes,
or take care of the children. The LORD God had given Adam the tasks of caring
for the garden and making up names for all of the great variety of living
creatures (Gen. 2:15,19). There were animals that were helps to Adam as beasts
of burden and as a means of entertainment. But there was something missing.
Adam had no one to talk to.
The “help meet”
for Adam served as one with whom Adam could communicate, one with whom he could
be intimate, not just physically, but also intellectually, emotionally, and
spiritually. If there is any truth to the expression, “A dog is man’s best
friend,” it is only because of failure in human relationships. For those of us
who are married, our wife or husband should be our best friend on earth.
Examples of Helpmates
The following are
examples in the Bible of some women who were helpers meet for their husbands,
along with a couple of examples of women who failed to carry out this God-given
role.
Michal.
“Michal Saul’s daughter loved David…. Saul also sent messengers unto David’s
house to watch him and to slay him in the morning; and Michal David’s wife told
him, saying, If you save not your life tonight, tomorrow you shall be slain. So
Michal let David down through a window:and he went, and fled, and escaped” (1
Sam. 18:20; 19:11,12).
Abigail.
When David was about to kill Nabal and all the men with him, Nabal’s wife
Abigail boldly came to David with a gift of food and appealed to him not to
shed blood without just cause. “And David said to Abigail, Blessed be the LORD
God of Israel who sent you this day to meet me; and blessed be your advice, and
blessed be you who has kept me this day from coming to shed blood and from
avenging myself with my own hand” (1 Sam. 25:18-34). Even though Nabal was a “churlish
[or stingy] and evil” man (1 Sam. 25:3), Abigail did all she could to help him
get out of the messes he got himself into. She was truly “a help meet for him,”
even though he did not appreciate it. But David appreciated what he saw in
Abigail, and when the LORD saw fit to smite “Nabal that he died,” David took
Abigail to be his wife (verses 38-42).
This example
shows how different temperaments between husband and wife can complement each
other. But for it to work, we need to respect each other’s temperament, help
each other to develop the beneficial and positive aspects of it, and to judge
the negative parts of it. The husband and wife need to help each other to grow
in the Word and likeness to Christ, which will result in a greater likeness to
and kinship with each other.
The Virtuous
Woman of Proverbs 31. Here is Biblical testimony to “a virtuous woman”:
“The heart of her husband safely trusts in her…. She will do him good and not
evil all the days of her life…. Her husband is known in the gates when he
sits among the elders of the land…. She opens her mouth with wisdom, and in
her tongue is the law of kindness. She looks well to the ways of her household,
and eats not the bread of idleness. Her children arise up and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her” (Prov. 31:10-31).
Priscilla.
“And [Apollos] began to speak boldly in the synagogue, whom when Aquila and Priscilla had heard, they took him unto them, and expounded unto him the way of
God more perfectly” (Acts 18:26). Aquila is never mentioned in the Bible apart
from his wife Priscilla (Acts 18:2,18; Rom. 16:3; 1 Cor. 16:19; 2 Tim. 4:19).
Obviously they worked together as a team in ministering “the way of God” to
Apollos and, no doubt, in all of their ministries.
Our next door
neighbor came over and asked a theological question. I gave him an answer, and
then my wife offered a supporting answer from a slightly different perspective.
Her comment, in turn, reminded me of yet another way of addressing my
neighbor’s question. We worked together; she was a help to me. I wonder if
every Christian husband realizes the spiritual treasure he has in his Christian
wife. I perceive that in some Christian homes the wife is not at liberty to
discuss her thoughts on Scriptural and spiritual matters with her husband. What
a loss! This is taking the man’s headship and the woman’s submission to an
unwarranted extreme. Notice that the Lord Jesus was willing to discuss (that
is, listen as well as talk) spiritual and doctrinal matters with women (John
4:9-26; 11:21-27).
Eve. Being
a God-given helpmate to one’s husband is a very responsible position. The first
helpmate, Eve, in fact, failed miserably in her responsibility. She certainly
was not a help to Adam when she ate of the fruit and offered him some as well.
The LORD God had told Adam one thing (not to eat of the tree of the knowledge
of good and evil upon pain of death; Gen. 2:17), Adam had passed this
information on to Eve (Gen. 3:3), and the serpent told Eve just the opposite:
“You shall not surely die” (Gen. 3:4). Whom should Eve believe—her husband or
this serpent? Would it not have been wise for Eve to ask her husband, who had
received the instruction directly from God, about this discrepancy? Think of
the far-reaching consequences upon the whole human race of her failing to do
so!
It works the
other way as well. It is often wise for a husband to ask his wife what she
thinks of his plans concerning an activity, a change in employment, a purchase,
an investment of money or time, etc. We all have blind spots, hidden lusts,
desires, pride, envy, or distrust, and we often allow our feelings rather than
wise judgment to rule us. Our spouses, if given the opportunity, can help
reveal to us our blind spots.
Sapphira.
Loyalty to one’s spouse is a wonderful trait, but even this can be carried too
far. Sapphira was loyal to her husband Ananias, but failed terribly in being a
help to him. Ananias had lied to the apostles about how much he had gotten in
the sale of a piece of land. He pretended that he was giving the entire amount
of the sale to the apostles to be distributed to the poor. His wife knew what
he had done, and when asked about it, she told the same lie. The consequence?
Both fell down dead for agreeing together “to tempt the Spirit of the Lord”
(Acts 5:1-10). Why didn’t Sapphira warn her husband that he was doing wrong in
lying about it? My wife certainly would have and so would most of the wives
reading this. But there are some Christian wives who are afraid of their
husbands (even if the husband is a Christian) and would not dare correct or
contradict their husbands about anything. Again, what a loss! what a tragedy
for the whole family! How vital it is for all of us honestly to own and
acknowledge before the Lord and each other our own weaknesses and ask our
spouse (or another family member or close friend if unmarried) to alert us when
they see us getting off track.
Communication
One of the most
important jobs of the husband’s helpmate is that of facilitating communication.
We husbands are notoriously poor at this and should try to cooperate when our
wives attempt to draw us out. In Scripture we read, “Rejoice with those who
rejoice, and weep with those who weep” (Rom. 12:15). But to do this there must
be the communication to one another of our joys and successes, as well as our
depressions, anxieties, and failures.
Often it may be
particularly difficult for the husband to share with his wife his feelings of
depression or fear or failure. He rather prefers to regard himself as
emotionally independent and able to work out his own problems by himself.
However, an understanding wife can be an immense help to the husband in such
matters. At the very least they can pray together and unitedly seek the Lord’s
help in the matter. And the sharing in this way will have the effect of drawing
the two closer together emotionally and spiritually. Real communication in
marriage is the ability to share one’s innermost thoughts and feelings with
one’s partner. For this to be effective there must be a foundation of mutual
love, trust, patience, forgiveness, and understanding.
It is well for a
young husband and father to consider that often while he is at work associating
with other adults all day long, his wife may be spending most of her days with
only her small children for company. So the husband—weary as he may be—should
try to put his wife’s need for adult-level communication above his natural and
selfish desire to relax in his favorite easy chair with the newspaper or
television when he gets home from work. In this way he can be “a help meet for”
his wife.
A particularly
difficult area of communication involves things that the husband and wife find
in each other that they do not like. Marriage involves a very major adjustment
in the lives of two persons who often have quite different personalities, likes
and dislikes, collections of friends and relatives, etc. To take an oft-used
example, a matter so trivial as how one squeezes the tube of toothpaste can be
a source of friction in a marriage. Or it may be certain words or expressions
one uses, stories or jokes one tells, or other habits or manners that may
irritate the spouse. If there is no sin or compromise of Christian testimony
involved, the spouse may choose to adapt himself/herself to the other’s behavior
and, with the aid of the Holy Spirit, accept and overlook it (see Prov. 19:11).
But if the disagreeable behavior continually produces irritation, or if it is
sinful, then one should seek lovingly, patiently, and meekly (Gal. 6:1) to
express to the other the nature of the concern. Here there is a great need to
speak the truth in love (Eph. 4:15) and to have the love of God shed abroad in
our hearts (Rom. 5:5). The one with the disagreeable habit correspondingly
should learn to accept the criticism without anger, irritation, defensiveness,
or retaliation. It is best if the two can pray together about the matter.
______________________________________________________________________________
The Greek word
for thanksgiving (eucharistia) is related to the words for grace (charis)
and joy (chara). Grace is God’s Riches at Christ’s
Expense, or favor shown to those who deserve the opposite. “By grace are
you saved” (Eph. 2:8). A deep sense of God’s grace and favor toward us will
bring joy to our hearts, and that joy, in turn, will overflow from our hearts
in outward expressions of thanksgiving. P.L.C.