The world says, "If two
people love each other, then any display of affection between them is
proper." Does God approve of this attitude? Perhaps a study of the Virgin
Mary will help us understand God’s view of the proper relationship and behavior
for couples who are in love or engaged to be married.

From studying the marriage customs
of the time, most scholars believe Mary was still a teenager when Jesus was
born. She was evidently not only a girl of high moral standards, but also
enjoyed a close relationship with God. This is evidenced by her very
intelligent and God-honoring hymn of praise, the Magnificat:"My
soul does magnify the Lord, and my spirit has rejoiced in God my Saviour. For
He has regarded the low estate of His handmaiden, for, behold, from henceforth
all generations shall call me blessed. For He who is mighty has done to me
great things, and holy is His name. And His mercy is on those who fear Him from
generation to generation. He has shown strength with His arm; He has scattered
the proud in the imagination of their hearts. He has put down the mighty from
their seats, and exalted those of low degree…. He has helped His servant
Israel, in remembrance of His mercy, as He spoke to our fathers, to Abraham,
and to his seed for ever" (Luke 1:46-55).

Mary could never have been chosen
as the mother of the Messiah if she had been influenced by the thinking that
characterizes the world today—and has even influenced many Christians—that if
two people are in love or engaged to be married, then any sort of physical
demonstration of their love is acceptable. God honored Mary’s purity and He
will honor all young men and women who wish to please Him by remaining virgins
before marriage, by helping them achieve truly happy marriages.

A truly happy marriage can only be
achieved when there is a oneness of spirit as well as a oneness of the
affections and of the body. Our spirit is that part of our being that is
capable of responding to God. It also includes the conscience and our ability
to make moral decisions. The truest intimacy and oneness of spirit occurs when
the spirits of both persons are drawn very close to God and thus they are drawn
close to one another. In the measure that the spirits of both persons are
subject to the Word of God and the guidance of the Holy Spirit, in that measure
there will be agreement and oneness between them.

Now the time to begin building
this spiritual unity is before marriage and even before engagement. A physical
relationship is only really meaningful as it expresses spiritual unity. A
Christian couple should not plan to marry until they have laid a good
foundation for marriage by developing a spiritual relationship and know that
they can help each grow closer to God as the years go by.

Premature entry into an intimate
physical relationship short circuits the development of a real spiritual
relationship in several ways. First, the intimacy is physically and emotionally
exciting and the couple loses interest in spiritual matters. Second, the fact
that their relationship is a secret between the two of them which they try to
conceal from others may make them feel a certain closeness and loyalty to each
other. They may mistake this closeness for real unity of spirit, but it will
fade away when marriage makes their relationship "respectable" and
there is no need to conceal it. They no longer will share a secret and they
will find they share little else of real meaning. Third, since they are not
pleasing God, they cannot become closer to Him while out of communion with Him.
Fourth, the feelings of guilt that their behavior may arouse will tend to
interfere with the development of real intimacy after marriage. God will bless
those couples who use dating and engagement periods for the development of
spiritual and emotional unity and save physical intimacy for marriage. They
will have not only spiritual intimacy but a truly joyous physical relationship
as well.

Marriage is a type of the union
between Christ and His Church. This "Church age" is actually the
Church’s engagement period; the marriage ceremony will not take place until
after the rapture (Rev. 19:7). The apostle Paul said of the Church at Corinth,
"I have espoused you to one husband that I may present you as a chaste
virgin to Christ" (2 Cor. 11:2). How beautiful and pleasing to God when a
Christian couple’s relationship with each other before and after marriage truly
typify the union of Christ and His Church.