The first four commandments, as we have already seen, deal with man’s relationship with God and the recognition that God is unique, is a spirit, is holy, and is infinitely wise and powerful. These four commandments can be summed up in this way:"The Lord our God is one Lord; and thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thine heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy might" (Deut. 6:4,5; Matt. 22:37). The last six commandments deal more with man’s relationship with his fellow man (do not murder, do not steal, do not lie, etc.), and are summed up as:"Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself" (Lev. 19:18; Matt. 22:39). If we truly loved our God as we ought, we would have right thoughts about Him and right attitudes and behavior before Him. And if we truly loved our neighbors_that is, our wives, children, parents, employers, employees, teachers, schoolmates, friends, leaders, and authorities_with the same amount of love (and care, concern, protection, and justification) that we typically have for ourselves, we would have little difficulty keeping the last six commandments.
The first commandment of the second set concerns our attitude toward those who, next to God Himself, typically have spent more time and energy showing care and concern and loving attention toward us than any others:our parents. If we do not have right attitudes toward our parents, it is likely we will have difficulty developing proper attitudes and relationships with other persons. "Honor thy father and thy mother, that thy days may be long upon the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee" (Exod. 20:12). Two questions must be answered to help us rightly to understand this commandment:First, what does "honor" mean in this context? and second, why is a promise ("that thy days may be long") attached to this commandment and this alone?
An insight into the meaning of "honor" is found in Matt. 15:3-6:"[Jesus] . . . said unto them, Why do ye also transgress the commandment of God by your tradition? For God commanded, saying, Honor thy father and mother. . . . But ye say, Whosoever shall say to his father or his mother, It is a gift, by whatsoever thou mightest be profited by me, and honor not his father or his mother, he shall be free. Thus have ye made the commandment of God of none effect by your tradition." A tradition had developed among the Jews that allowed them to make a vow dedicating to the Lord_or even to another person in payment of a debt_that portion of their wealth and possessions that ought to have been used to support their parents. This vow could be made simply by saying, "That which has been set aside for my parents’ support has been dedicated as a gift to the Lord." Such a vow was considered to be so binding that it took precedence over the ten commandments. Thus Jesus says, "Ye made the commandment of God of none effect by your tradition." By means of this illustration of how the fifth commandment was violated by the Jews, we learn that honoring one’s parents includes the thought of providing support for them when they are no longer able to support themselves.
This meaning of "honor" is also found in 1 Timothy in connection with widows and elders:"Honor widows that are widows indeed. But if any widow have children or nephews, let them learn first… to requite [or repay] their parents. . . . If any provide not . . . for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel. … Let the elders that rule well be counted worthy of double honor, especially they who labor in the word and doctrine. For the Scripture saith, Thou shalt not muzzle the ox that treadeth out the corn, and, The laborer is worthy of his reward" (1 Tim. 5:3,4,8,17,18).
This concern that one’s parents be properly cared and provided for is exemplified several times in Scripture:Joseph gave his father, Jacob, "a possession in the land of Egypt, in the best of the land. . . . And [he] nourished his father" (Gen. 47:11,12). When David was being pursued by Saul, "He said unto the king of Moab, Let my father and my mother … be with you till I know what God will do for me. And he brought them before the king of Moab; and they dwelt with him all the while that David was in the hold" (1 Sam. 22:3,4). In similar fashion, the Lord Jesus made provision for His mother:"When Jesus therefore saw His mother, and the disciple standing by, whom He loved, He saith unto His mother, Woman, behold thy son! Then saith He to the disciple, Behold thy mother! And from that hour that disciple took her unto his own home" (John 19:26,27).
Surely this speaks to us concerning our responsibility toward our parents, to make sure that they are properly provided for when they are up in years, just as they cared for us when we were young and incapable of caring for ourselves. This is not limited to a financial or material provision. Today, pension, IRA, life insurance, annuity, and social security payments can often adequately support persons during their retirement years. But what about providing emotional support, companionship, and transportation to those parents who are perhaps widowed, alone, or unable to get around independently? Let us not follow the trend of the world today by sending our parents off to a nursing home, forgetting them, and leaving them to die in loneliness and indignity.
The reason for the promise, "That thy days may be long upon the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee," attached to this commandment should now be evident. The Lord has wisely built the human race upon a family structure. The history of each family almost invariably follows a certain cycle; if the family is following scriptural guidelines, at each stage in the cycle each member of the family will have other members of the family caring and providing for his/her physical, emotional, and spiritual needs. When the children are young, their parents care for them, while at the same time the parents, as husband and wife, care for ("nourish and cherish," Eph. 5:29) each other. Later, when the children are old enough to be developing self-reliance and independency_ and moving on to marriage and becoming parents themselves_the original parents now are free (and responsible) to direct their attention to their own parents who are now getting up in years, no longer able to work to support themselves, etc.
If we are faithful in continuing to love our parents in their retirement years and making sure their emotional, spiritual, and financial needs are being met, we will help them to live long and comfortable and fulfilled lives upon this earth. And when we thus "honor" our father and mother, the Lord seems to suggest that He will see to it that we will receive the same loving care in our old age. (For Christians, whose hope is for eternal life in heaven more than long life on earth, this promise may also include heavenly reward.)
We have been considering an aspect of honoring our parents that applies primarily to middle-aged children of elderly parents. Let us now consider responsibilities outlined in the Scriptures whereby the younger children can show honor to their parents. We will see that the promise of long life shows up again in connection with some of these.
Obey them. "Children obey your parents in the Lord:for this is right" (Eph. 6:1; Col. 3:20).
Receive their instruction. "My son, hear the instruction of thy father, and forsake not the law of thy mother; for they shall be an ornament of grace unto thy head, and chains about thy neck" (Prov. 1:8,9). "Hear, ye children, the instruction of a father, and attend to know understanding. For I give you good doctrine, forsake ye not my law. For I was my father’s son, tender and only beloved in the sight of my mother. He taught me also, and said unto me, Let thine heart retain my words:keep my commandments, and live. . . . Hear, O my son, and receive my sayings, and the years of thy life shall be many" (Prov. 4:1-4,10). (Notice the promise.) "Hearken unto thy father that begat thee, and despise not thy mother when she is old" (Prov. 23:22).
Observe their ways. "My son, give me thine heart, and let thine eyes observe my ways" (Prov. 23:26).
Fear (revere, hold in awe) them. "Ye shall fear every man his mother and his father" (Lev. 19:3).
Don’t smite or curse, but entreat them. "He that smiteth . . . and he that curseth his father or his mother shall surely be put to death" (Exod. 21:15,17). (Notice that here we find the converse of the promise:If we dishonor our parents we may lose our lives.) "Rebuke not an elder [sharply], but entreat him as a father" (1 Tim. 5:1).
As a balance to the foregoing, we are not to put our parents ahead of allegiance and obedience to Christ:"He that loveth father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me" (Matt. 10:37); neither are we to put our parents ahead of allegiance to our own spouses:"Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife" (Gen. 2:24; Matt. 19:5; Eph. 5:31).
As a further balance to the above-mentioned responsibilities children have toward their parents, let us conclude by briefly noting responsibilities parents have toward their children:Teach them God’s Word and God’s ways (Deut. 6:7; Eph. 6:4); exhort, comfort, and charge [or bear witness to] them (1 Thess. 2:11); correct, chasten them (Deut. 21:18; Prov. 3:12; Heb. 12:7); have compassion or deep love for them (Psa. 103:13; Isa. 49:15); forgive them, seek the return of the wandering ones (Luke 15:11-24); do not provoke them to wrath (Eph. 6:4; Col. 3:21).
The commandment to "honor thy father and thy mother" is stated unconditionally; that is, without demanding certain behaviors and attitudes on the part of the parents. We are to honor our parents even if they have been mean and nasty parents to us (just as we are, generally, to love our enemies, bless them that curse us, do good to them that hate us, and pray for them who despitefully use us and persecute us, Matt. 5:44). But on the other hand, let us who are parents take care to give our children a much more positive motive for honoring us, by faithfully carrying out our God-given responsibilities toward them, and manifesting the same love and respect for them as we expect them to show to us.