Scriptural guidelines concerning divorce and remarriage have been presented in the preceding three-part chapter of this series. It was concluded that there is scriptural warrant for divorce and remarriage, but only under a very restricted and extreme set of circumstances. Suppose now that a Christian fails in walking according to these guidelines; suppose divorce and remarriage occurs which is not according to God’s Word, and suppose the nature of the sin is so blatant and extreme as to result in the excommunication of this person from the local assembly of believers. What is such a person to do when once the sin is recognized and repented of? And what is the responsibility of the assembly toward such a person?
Before getting into the specifics of this situation, it might be profitable to review some general principles of Scripture with respect to restoration of a sinning Christian. Another writer, discussing the matter of discipline of a wicked person, writes the following:"Thank God, there is a bright side when, after [the assembly’s] faithfulness in the path of duty, there is the joy of seeing the wanderer restored. We can almost feel the thrill of the apostle’s gladness as he wrote of the recovered brother, ‘I am filled with comfort, I am exceeding joyful in all our tribulation’ (2 Cor. 7:4).
"Restoration is what was prayed for, hoped for, expected. While one put away is to be let alone, this does not preclude the thought of prayer for him, and looking after him after the lapse of some time. Especially should this be done if he is weak and untaught, and if he has bowed to the Lord’s judgment. Of course, those who put a bold face on it, or who continue in sin, can only be left in God’s hands.
"Marks of true recovery are very plain. There will be a sense of sin against God (Psalm 51), a judging of the root of it, a submission to God’s governmental dealing, even when undue severity may have been used by the saints; these are some of the proofs of true recovery. If there was trespass against any, the wrong will be righted as far as possible_the dishonest gains refunded, the bitter, false accusations withdrawn; also, we need hardly add, the sin will be forsaken. Until there is restoration to communion with God there can be no true restoration to the assembly. The steps in the reinstatement of the cleansed leper (Lev. 14) to his privileges are interesting and instructive in this connection. It was the priest who was to examine the healed man, and the various rites in his restoration are most suggestive of complete recovery.
"It will be noticed that the leper, even after his restoration to the worship of God, ‘remained abroad out of his tent seven days’; it suggests that even after personal recovery an interval may elapse before the person is restored to his privileges in the assembly. There are many reasons for this:if the offense has been glaring or disgraceful, it is fitting that the world should see the genuineness of the repentance. It will not hurt, but deepen in the individual a sense of his sin. In addition to this, it is well to remember that the tender consciences of the saints have been sorely wounded, and the offender will gladly allow time for the healing of the shock inflicted. Anything like insistence upon his immediate reception after confession, or resentment at delay, would show that the work in his soul lacks completeness.
"On the other hand, the assembly needs to guard against a hard, unforgiving spirit. When the consciences of all are satisfied, there should not be needless delay in confirming their love to their recovered brother. ‘Sufficient to such a man is this punishment which was inflicted of many. So that contrariwise ye ought rather to forgive him,. . . lest perhaps such a one should be swallowed up with overmuch sorrow. Wherefore I beseech you that ye would confirm your love toward him’ (2 Cor. 2:6-8). How gracious, how loving, and yet how holy, are all these directions!
"And may we not add that when the restored brother is again in his place, his sin is not to be remembered? True, he will not forget it; but shall the others, by look or manner, betray lack of confidence? Ah, we are too much like the world, which ‘forgives, but cannot forget.’ Neither can we say such an one must keep silence, and never again expect to be used of the Lord. It was Peter, the wandering sheep, who was made a shepherd for others (John 21:15,17). When David was restored he would teach transgressors God’s ways (Psalm 51). He will walk softly the rest of his days, a chastened person, but a happy and a useful member of the body of Christ. ‘He restoreth my soul; He leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for His name’s sake’ (Psalm 23:3)." (From The Church and Its Order According to Scripture by S. Ridout, Loizeaux Brothers.)
One mark of true recovery of a sinning Christian mentioned by Mr. Ridout is forsaking the sin. Herein lies a difficulty in applying the general principles of restoration to the situation of unscriptural divorce and remarriage. It is held by some that the one who is unscripturally divorced and remarried lives in a continual state of adultery as long as this new marriage relationship exists; and as long as the sin of adultery is not forsaken, such a person_though he may be repentant and restored to the Lord in his own soul_cannot be restored to fellowship with the assembly of Christians.
In the remainder of this chapter, we shall examine this point of view from different angles and consider various options that might be considered with respect to the person who is unscripturally divorced and remarried, has repented of his sin, and desires to be restored to the assembly of believers. The first three options involve physical actions or events which could be interpreted as forsaking the sin of adultery; the fourth is a spiritual action which might be acceptable evidence of forsaking the sin:
1. Living celibately within the framework of the present marriage.
2. Terminating the present marriage.
3. Continuing in the present marriage and remaining excommunicated until the previous spouse dies.
4. Confessing the sin and giving evidence of true repentance and restoration to the Lord.
Option 1. Living celibately within the framework of the present marriage. This is a solution proposed by a major denomination of Christendom today, namely, to enjoin a couple in which divorce and remarriage has occurred to take a vow of celibacy for the rest of their married lives. I believe Scripture opposes this approach. 1 Cor. 7:5 expressly declares:"Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency." This approach does not seem to be a very practical solution either as it would tend to put a great strain on the marriage relationship and make for a very unnatural marriage.
Option 2. Terminating the present marriage. This approach might satisfy those who demand the forsaking of the sin of adultery before receiving one back into fellowship. However, we need to examine whether there is scriptural warrant for terminating the present marriage under such circumstances.
I am aware of but one passage of Scripture (Ezra 9 and 10) that supports the purposeful dissolution of unlawful or ungodly marriages. When the remnant of Israel returned from the Babylonian captivity, many men took wives from the local nations (Canaan, Moab, Egypt, etc.). But when convicted that this was wrong, and not according to God’s law (Exod. 34:10-17), they covenanted with God, under Ezra’s leadership, to put away their foreign wives as well as the offspring from these unions (Ezra 10:3,11).
For the Christian there is a similar law against mixed marriages:"If her husband be dead, she is at liberty to be married to whom she will; only in the Lord" (1 Cor. 7:39).* But what if this law is violated? What is to be done if a Christian does marry an unbeliever, or if one already married becomes saved and the spouse remains unsaved? Is the example of Ezra to be followed? No, but rather the answer for those who live in the New Testament era of grace is clearly stated in 1 Cor. 7:12-14:"If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away. . . . For the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband."
It surely is sin for a Christian to marry a non-Christian. But once the marriage is consummated there is no scriptural call to terminate the marriage in order to give evidence of forsaking that sin. With regard to another sin_that of unscriptural divorce and remarriage_there is no direct instruction in Scripture concerning dissolution or non-dissolution of such a marriage. However, the instruction provided with respect to the foregoing situation_that is, "Let him not put her away … let her not leave him"_might well be applicable to the situation of divorce and remarriage as well.
The instruction given by the apostle Paul in 1 Cor. 7:12-14 is further emphasized and generalized in verses 18-24:"Is any man called being circumcised? let him not become uncircumcised. . . . Let every man abide in the same calling wherein he was called. . . . Brethren, let every man, wherein he is called, therein abide with God." I believe, from the context of the entire chapter, this is saying that if one has been through a series of unscriptural divorces and remarriages prior to being brought to the Lord, this person is not to change his present situation by terminating the present marriage in order to try to straighten out the past. But does not this principle apply equally to a Christian who has gotten away from the Lord, who has behaved and lived for a time as if he were an unbeliever, and has unscripturally divorced and remarried during that period? When such a one finally heeds the voice_the call_of the Lord and becomes restored in soul and spirit to the Lord, he is to "abide in the same calling wherein he was called."
Thus, there does not seem to be scriptural warrant for terminating the present marriage for the purpose of forsaking the sin of adultery.
Option 3. Continuing in the present marriage and remaining excommunicated until the previous spouse dies. This approach is followed by some Christian assemblies. The rationale is found in Romans 7:3:"If, while her husband liveth, she be married to another man, she shall be called an
adulteress; but if her husband be dead, she is free from that law; so that she is no adulteress, though she be married to another man." It is assumed that the one who has unscripturally divorced and remarried is, in God’s eyes, still married to the previous spouse and thus living in a continuous state of adultery. But when and if the previous spouse should die, the bond of the first marriage is broken and the present union can no longer be considered an adulterous relationship. Thus, such a person, or couple, would be eligible for restoration to fellowship in the assembly of believers.
*2 Cor. 6:14-17, "Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers . . .," also applies in a general way. However, the primary emphasis of this passage is something other than the marriage yoke since the exhortation in verse 17, "Come out from among them, and be ye separate," conflicts with the teaching in 1 Cor. 7 concerning marriage with an unbeliever.
Up to a point, the logic of this option seems reasonable. But upon deeper consideration, it seems to fly in the face of other scriptural principles. Generally, restoration to fellowship following excommunication is based on confession, repentance, and clear evidence of being restored to the Lord and following Him once again. But in the case under consideration, restoration to fellowship is based on an event_the death of the previous spouse_entirely outside the experience or control of the excommunicated person or couple. Is it possible that the death of another person_and that alone_can have any direct bearing on whether I have been restored to the Lord in my soul? Was the restoration of King David to the Lord effected by the fact that the husband of the woman he had stolen was killed in battle, so that David was not continuing to live in adultery? Was he not restored because of true, heartfelt repentance toward God? Consider his confession in the Psalms:"Wash me throughly from mine iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin. For I acknowledge my transgressions; and my sin is ever before me. Against Thee, Thee only, have I sinned, and done this evil in Thy sight. . . . Restore unto me the joy of Thy salvation. . . . The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and a contrite heart, O God, Thou wilt not despise" (Psalm 51:2,3,12,17). "I acknowledged my sin unto Thee, and mine iniquity have I not hid. I said, I will confess my transgressions unto the Lord, and Thou forgavest the iniquity of my sin" (Psalm 32:5).
There is a further disturbing aspect about this option; it could lead to an inconsistency of action by an assembly as illustrated by the following example:The person who murders his/her spouse and remarries upon release from prison has better prospects of being restored to the assembly of believers than the one who merely divorces the spouse and remarries another. Thus, those who espouse the procedure of enforcing the continued excommunication of one who divorces and remarries until the death of the previous spouse are invited to take a fresh look at this practice in light of all Scripture.
Option 4. Confessing the sin and giving evidence of true repentance and restoration to the Lord. This, I believe, expresses the scriptural viewpoint concerning what an assembly should require from one who has unscripturally divorced and remarried. It is true that with this approach there is not the literal, physical forsaking of the sin of divorce and remarriage. However, just as David was restored to the Lord following his heinous sin of adultery and murder, so, I believe, it is possible for any one who has grievously sinned against God by divorcing and remarrying, or committing murder, or any other sin, to truly repent of the sin and be restored to the Lord.
When a Christian marries a non-Christian or unscripturally divorces and remarries, the basic sin is self-will_doing what I want to do rather than what God wants. Guilt continues to hang over the head of the sinner as long as the sin is denied, excused, or justified. But when the sinner puts an end to his denial or excuses for the sin and confesses to God and to others that he has done wrong and that he has sinned against God and man, he is forgiven and on the road to restoration to the Lord. "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness" (1 John 1:9). Just as fire or heat stops the action of yeast in bread dough, so does the application of self-judgment and true repentance toward God and those offended stop the action of sin in our lives (1 Cor. 5).
Now some might argue that just because a person is restored to the Lord in his soul and spirit does not necessarily mean that he can be restored to the assembly of believers. However, such an argument essentially places the servant above his Master (John 13:16) and the body (the Church) above the Head (Christ); it ascribes a higher level of holiness and purity and righteousness to the Church than to Christ.
Having said this, a couple of qualifications must be added:The first is that since a physical forsaking of the sin of divorce and remarriage (such as by termination of the present marriage) does not seem to be warranted by Scripture, other evidences of true recovery to the Lord may be required by the assembly before receiving back the repentant sinner. In other words, the assembly may very well be justified in requiring a longer waiting period in this situation so as to be assured that there has been real recovery of heart and soul to the Lord and that there is sound evidence that the person is now truly walking with the Lord and desirous of doing His will. Also, the divorce may have taken its toll of broken hearts and bitter feelings. Time is needed to heal these hurts. If the divorced partner and members of his/her family are a part of the assembly, they may be reluctant to have the divorcer restored to fellowship. Added time may be needed for God’s grace to work in the hearts of those who have been hurt, and for them to become fully convinced that the divorcer is truly repentant and restored to the Lord.
The second qualification is that while God is gracious in restoring the repentant sinner to Himself, and while such a one may be restored to the assembly, there is no guarantee that the sinner will be preserved from suffering the consequences of his sin. "Be not deceived; God is not mocked:for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap" (Gal. 6:7). David was forgiven by God for his sin, but yet he reaped the fruit of his sin for the rest of his days_first the death of his infant son, and later on many problems in handling his other children.
In conclusion, unscriptural divorce and remarriage by a believer in Christ results in an adulterous relationship which must be dealt with as such by the assembly with which the believer is associated. However, by virtue of the grace of God, without which none of us would know forgiveness and justification and peace with God, such a person can be restored to fellowship with the Lord and, consequently, to the assembly of the Lord’s people. This restoration is founded on true, heart-felt confession of the sin and repentance toward God, and is manifested to the assembly by a submissive, faithful walk with the Lord in obedience to His Word.
This brings us to the end of our study on the Christian and marriage. The final four issues have dealt with the unhappy topic of divorce and remarriage; it has been needful to address this topic in detail in view of increasing departure from scriptural principles and godly conduct by Christians today. However, let us not forget the topics covered earlier with regard to choice of a marriage partner, preparation for marriage, and elements of a happy marriage. To my mind, these are by far the more important chapters of this study. If scriptural principles with regard to those matters are diligently and prayerfully adhered to, there will be little need to consider questions relating to divorce and remarriage.