It is axiomatic with respect to many physical diseases that prevention is the best cure. The same holds true concerning broken marriages. It is for this reason that an effort has been made in earlier chapters of this series to present ministry aimed at strengthening marriage relationships. If scriptural principles were followed in the choice of a marriage partner, in behavior during the dating and engagement periods of the relationship, and in the marriage relationship itself, the question of divorce should rarely, if ever, arise. Particular attention has been paid in this series to the topic of "elements of a happy marriage." If diligent attention were paid to the attitudes of submissiveness, love, confession, and forgiveness, to maintaining lines of effective communication between the partners, to praying and reading the Scriptures together, and to following scriptural principles with respect to physical intimacy, management of finances, and all other aspects of the marriage relationship, there would be not only much less talk of divorce but more positively happy marriages. So if any of our readers are in the process of casting about in various Christian books on marriage to find out what the authors have to say on the topic of divorce and remarriage, the first bit of advice we have to offer is first go back and review the previous chapters in this series.
If a couple is experiencing seemingly unresolvable problems in their marriage, help and counsel should be sought from their brothers and sisters in Christ. If there is no one in the local church to whom the couple feels free to turn, there are many Christian counseling centers where couples can receive help for their marriage based on scriptural_rather than worldly and humanistic_principles. "In multitude of counsellors there is safety" (Prov. 24:6). Often troubled marriages fall apart in divorce because one or both partners have waited too long before seeking help from counsellors. By the time help is sought the emotional scars may be very deep, making reconciliation a difficult task. Let us each pray that the Lord will raise up more pastors and counsellors among us_those with whom brothers and sisters in trouble will have confidence and liberty to share their problems, and who will have scriptural knowledge and spiritual wisdom and insight to really help those who seek counsel. And may each of us see our responsibility to watch out for and have a godly concern for one another, prayerfully seeking to minister to others in a discreet and gentle way when the Lord shows us needs such as troubled marriages.
As we begin a scriptural consideration of this very difficult and controversial topic of divorce and remarriage we should, perhaps, begin with a statement of a couple of fundamental principles from the Word of God:
1. "I hate putting away [or divorce], saith Jehovah the God of Israel" (Mal. 2:16 JND). "What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder" (Matt. 19:6).
2. "… First be reconciled to thy brother, and then come and offer thy gift" (Matt. 3:24). "Let her … be reconciled to her husband" (1 Cor. 7:11).
In this age of great laxity with regard to divorce as with all aspects of morality, there is a tendency for Christians to approach the matter of divorce from a totally wrong standpoint. The primary focus often is seeking to find scriptural reasons to justify divorce and remarriage, trying to define the so-called "exception clause," etc. However, it is the great responsibility of marriage counsellors as well as brothers and sisters of couples contemplating divorce to attempt to get the couple to refocus their attention to the ways and means of resolution of problems and reconciliation. We need to remind ourselves and one another of what God has done for us. He has "reconciled us to Himself by Jesus Christ" (2 Cor. 5:18). Also, "God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven" us (Eph. 4:32). And is it not His desire that we should in turn forgive one another (especially our spouses!) and be reconciled to one another? He has "given to us the ministry of reconciliation" (2 Cor. 5:18). We are exhorted to be "kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you" (Eph. 4:32). And as we daily confess our sins to God we are to consider that "if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you; but if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses" (Matt. 6:14,15). This need to have a forgiving spirit toward others is also graphically depicted in one of Christ’s parables. In the concluding portion of the parable we read:"Then his Lord . . . said unto him, O thou wicked servant, I forgave thee all that debt, because thou desiredst me; shouldest not thou also have had compassion on thy fellowservant, even as I had pity on thee?" (Matt. 18:21-35).
Many mistakes are made in every marriage. Divorce often comes in through the unwillingness of one or both partners to forgive the other of these mistakes. How easily do we lose sight of the tremendous debt of sin and guilt on our part which God has mercifully and graciously forgiven us, and then proudly, self-righteously refuse to forgive our spouse of offenses which pale in comparison to our own offenses against God!
In the next part of this chapter on Divorce and Remarriage to be published, Lord willing, in the next issue of Words of Truth, we shall be considering what the Scriptures have to say about acceptable reasons for divorce and remarriage. But as we consider such things as the "exception clause" of Matt. 5:32 and 19:9 and the "not under bondage" clause of 1 Cor. 7:15, we need to be careful not to become like the Pharisees who tried to find ways and means of interpreting Scripture to meet their own selfish desires. While there may indeed be scriptural allowance for divorce and remarriage in certain prescribed circumstances, we need ever to keep in focus the fundamental principles stated above that God hates divorce and loves forgiveness and reconciliation.