In the preceding issue, some general guidelines from Scripture were considered as to choosing a
marriage partner. The Christian should be looking for a partner who is also a true, born-again
Christian, who loves the Lord and desires to live for Him, and who has the same ecclesiastical
affiliation. In this issue we consider the matter of discerning the Lord’s mind as to a specific
marriage partner.

As we have noticed previously, Abraham instructed his servant not to take a wife for Isaac from
among the daughters of the Canaanites but from his own relatives (Gen. 24). These are the general
guidelines. But when the servant arrived at the city of Nahor his concern for the specific became
evident. As he stood near the public well he prayed to God that the woman whom God had
appointed for Isaac might come to the well that evening, and that by certain signs he might
recognize her when she came. God answered his prayer; he met Rebekah who turned out to be
the grand-niece of Abraham. As a result, the servant bowed and worshiped the Lord saying,
"Blessed be the Lord God of my master Abraham, who hath not left destitute my master of His
mercy and truth; I being in the way, the Lord led me to the house of my master’s brethren" (verse
27).

What a beautiful example for us today! As Christian young people begin having attractions to
members of the opposite sex, and as they begin dating and having thoughts of some day getting
married, they should be praying that the Lord will lead them to the one of His choice for a
marriage partner. The parents of these young people should be praying too and encouraging their
children thus to pray.

We cannot say what means God may use with each particular person to reveal His mind as to a
marriage partner. It is most important to maintain an open mind about the matter until the Lord’s
mind is clearly manifest. It will not do to make up our mind first and then challenge the Lord to
prevent us if we are not in His will. Sometimes He may graciously do this, but we cannot count
on it; God sometimes, in His wisdom, lets us go our own way if we are definitely bent on it.

If we are truly seeking the Lord’s mind in the matter of marriage, we may find Hun closing and
opening doors, sometimes in quite unexpected ways, in the process of directing us to the partner
of His choice. Sometimes He will use our own actions and behavior in this. For example, not a
few times has a relationship between a young man and a young woman terminated either because
one or the other was too forward and wanted to develop a closer relationship too quickly, or
because one did not take enough initiative or interest in developing or maintaining a friendship
with another. Following the break-up, the person who may have been "to blame" for the
separation may tend to engage in self-incrimination for having been too aggressive, or not
aggressive enough, or whatever the reason may have been. But while there may be important
lessons for us to learn from our social mistakes, let us also recognize that the Lord may well be
working through these very mistakes to redirect us to the one who is His choice for us.

Just as the Lord may close doors in some instances, so does He cause new ones to open. For those
readers whose concern is that they do not seem to have any marriage prospects_at least among

persons who meet the general guidelines considered previously_it should be an encouragement
to realize that the Lord opens doors and is well able to lead you to the right person or the right
person to you. However, do not think that He will necessarily hand a wife or a husband to you
on a silver platter while you remain in the confines of your living room. (Recall the effort spent
by Abraham’s servant in finding the wife for Isaac.) He expects you to get out and be friendly to
those of your age group as well as everyone else in your local assembly. And if there are not
many prospects in the local assembly of believers, you should try to get to regional or national
Bible conferences and seek to make acquaintances among the Christians gathered there. This, of
course, will not guarantee that you will find a wife or husband; the Lord may have other plans for
you (as will be discussed shortly), or He may have certain things for you to learn before bringing
you and your life’s partner together.

Thus far we have been exploring the question of determining God’s will as to the choice of a
marriage partner. But we have not yet considered the even more basic question of, "Is it God’s
will that I should become married at all?" Remaining single, for the Christian, is a definite option
set forth in Scripture. The apostle Paul states, "I would that all men were even as I myself [that
is, unmarried] … I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, It is good for them if they abide
even as I" (1 Cor. 7:7,8). For some types of service for the Lord there is a distinct advantage to
being married, while other aspects of Christian service might more easily and faithfully be carried
out if one is not married. The apostle Paul, of course, is a special example of the latter; how could
he have accomplished what he did if he had family responsibilities? Those "gifted" to remain
unmarried (1 Cor. 7:7) are free, the apostle Paul tells us, to serve "the Lord without distraction"
(1 Cor. 7:35). Thus, married Christians should not make unmarried Christians feel that there is
a social stigma to being single, nor should they feel it is necessary to engage in matchmaking for
their unmarried friends.

There is an appeal in 1 Cor. 7 not only to those who have never married, but to those who are
widowed and divorced as well. We shall consider in a subsequent issue what Scripture has to say
about divorce and remarriage, but suffice it to say here that even in situations where remarriage
may be allowed by Scripture, the option of remaining unmarried should be carefully weighed
before the Lord (1 Cor. 7:8,27,32-34, 38-40). The one who has lost husband or wife should
carefully and prayerfully seek to learn what the Lord is trying to teach through the bereavement
and to determine if the Lord has a special service to be carried out while in the unmarried state.
The widows eligible for support by the assembly of believers were those who had only one
husband; they never remarried but rather gave themselves to prayer and supplication, and to good
works such as raising children, lodging strangers, washing the saints’ feet, and relieving the
afflicted (1 Tim. 5:3-10). The bishops (or overseers) and the deacons of the local assemblies
likewise were to be "the husband of one wife" (1 Tim. 3:2,12). Grammatically, this expression
is exactly comparable to the phrase in 1 Tim. 5:9_"the wife of one man"; thus it would seem to
be saying that to be qualified to fill one of these offices a man should remain unmarried if
widowed. Such a one puts the Lord and the needs of the assembly above all else, and perhaps
finds in widowhood greater freedom to serve the Lord and help his fellow believers (1 Cor.
7:32,33). On the other hand, the apostle makes it clear that it is no sin or shame for the widowed
person to remarry (1 Cor. 7:9,28,36,39).

In summary, the Lord is very much concerned about the questions of whether we should marry
and, if so, whom we should marry. May all who are considering the matter of marriage seek
diligently and earnestly to know the Lord’s will as to these questions.

In the next issue, Lord willing, we will discuss the engagement period in preparation for marriage.