As I skimmed the local newspaper a few days ago, my eye caught the statement that couples "are
getting divorced in unprecedented numbers and . . . the American family is in crisis because the
American marriage is in crisis." A 1980 almanac tells us that the number of divorces in the United
States each year has risen to over 50% of the annual number of marriages. And yet another source
indicates that the divorce rate in the United States is higher than that of any other civilized nation
in the world.

Statements and statistics like these are read and heard so frequently these days that they no longer
shock or surprise us. However, the trends and attitudes depicted by such statistics are most
distressing to most Christian believers and to many non-Christians as well. The author of the first
statement quoted above went on to offer a possible solution to this problem. The solution was
commendable to a certain extent, emphasizing the importance of marriage partners developing a
close friendship. However, as with most advice offered in today’s secular news media, it fell short
of any real and lasting solution in that it completely ignored the spiritual elements of the marriage
relationship and the wisdom which God has to offer on the subject in His holy Word.

Unfortunately, as the world at large adopts more lax, careless, unscriptural attitudes and standards
concerning marriage and divorce, it is inevitable that the changing standards will be_indeed, are
already_creeping stealthily and steadily into the Christian community as well. Things that
shocked us twenty years ago are accepted almost without question today in many Christian circles.
There are strong Satanic and humanistic movements at work today which are in effect aimed at
breaking down marriage and family relationships. Thus, it is with a sense of urgency and deep
concern for my brothers and sisters in Christ, as well as for our country as a whole, that I am
burdened to prepare a series of articles relating to the Christian and marriage for inclusion in
Words of Truth for the next few issues, should the Lord tarry. Topics to be discussed will include
the choice of a marriage partner, the engagement period, elements of a Christ-centered marriage,
marriage with an unsaved partner, divorce and remarriage, and role of the assembly in relation
to marriage, divorce, and remarriage.

Choosing a Marriage Partner (Part I)

No doubt the most important element that goes into making a lasting and happy marriage is the
proper choice of a marriage partner. I am convinced that God is intensely interested in this matter
for each of His children. Not only has God laid down general principles in His Word to guide us
in our choice of a partner, but He is also willing to lead us_if we so allow Him_to the specific
person whom He, in His infinite wisdom, knows to be the one best suited to be a lifetime partner
for us. The selection of a bride for Isaac (Gen. 24) is an example of this.

How, then, can we discern the Lord’s mind concerning a marriage partner? First, the Scriptures
provide some general guidelines as to where to begin looking and how to "narrow the field."

It is very clear from Scripture that a Christian should never under any circumstances marry an
unbeliever. How "can two walk together, except they be agreed?" (Amos 3:3). "Be ye not

unequally yoked together with unbelievers; for what fellowship hath righteousness with
unrighteousness? And what communion hath light with darkness? and what concord hath Christ
with Belial? or what part hath he that believeth with an infidel" (2 Cor. 6:14,15). The nation of
Israel was warned repeatedly not to enter into marriages with the men and women of the nations
around them, the reason being that "they will turn away thy son from following Me, that they may
serve other gods" (Deut. 7:1-4). These warnings are, in principle, no less needed by God’s
children today.

Related to this is the injunction in 1 Corinthians 7 that marriage should be only "in the Lord." This
certainly includes the notion that a true, born-again Christian should marry only another true,
born-again Christian. But there is a further thought found in the expression, "in the Lord." We
are to look for a marriage partner who is not only saved but openly desirous of living for Christ,
having Him as the Lord of his/her life, doing the will of the Father, and filled with the Holy
Spirit.

These general guidelines might be carried yet another step as we consider that Isaac’s wife was
to be selected from his father’s relatives (Gen. 24:3,4) and the daughters of Zelophehad were
commanded to marry only men who belonged to their own tribe of Manasseh (Num. 27:1-11;
36:1-13). As stated by another:"We have already seen that it is never right for a believer to marry
an unbeliever, for that is a very serious infraction of the injunction against the unequal yoke. But
what shall we say of a child of God marrying another child of God when they are not of the same
mind in the things of the Lord? when one is associated with a group of Christians opposed to the
position of the company with whom the other is identified? Such a marriage could not correctly
be called an unequal yoke in the sense of one being a child of light and the other being a child of
darkness, for they are both saved by the precious blood of Christ. . . . Yet it would very likely
be a most unhappy union, fraught with danger to both partners and to their posterity" ( The
Institution of Marriage, Bible Truth Publishers).

Marriage is difficult enough_that is, requiring the joining together of two different personalities,
points of view, family backgrounds, educational backgrounds, and sets of personal interests and
abilities, and learning to live in harmony for the next fifty years or so_without having these
difficulties compounded by husband and wife having differing ecclesiastical affiliations. As we
shall notice in more detail in a subsequent issue, the backbone of a healthy, happy marriage is a
strong spiritual relationship; and this spiritual relationship is substantially weakened when the
husband and wife are not of one mind as to the assembling together with other Christians. Further
problems arise when there are children in the family:often the husband will want the children to
go with him and the wife will want them to go with her to the meetings of the assembly, possibly
leading to marital conflicts as well as confusion in the children’s minds. Seeking to resolve this
conflict by compromise_that is, either the husband or the wife giving up his/her ecclesiastical
affiliation and joining with the other as a matter of convenience and of making peace rather than
conviction of heart that one is acting Scripturally and according to the Lord’s mind in changing
one’s ecclesiastical association_is not a happy solution. It may often lead to a bad conscience
before God and consequently to defeat in one’s spiritual life. Better it is to avoid this conflict in
the first place by not entering into marriage under such circumstances. Needless to say, these
problems are equally, if not more, acute when a Christian marries a non-Christian.

In the next issue, Lord willing, we shall continue this subject with a consideration of how to
identify the specific person whom the Lord wants us to marry_that is, if He wants us to marry
at all.