Dear _____,

Although I haven’t written lately, I have prayed often for you that God will show you His will and
prepare you to accept it. I enjoyed visiting with you, but I would like to see you much happier
than you seemed to be.

I have been told that you were considering marrying an unsaved person. The subject of
marriage_what it is, what God intended in it_has been much in my thoughts for several years.
So I thought I might pass along to you some of the things I have been considering and ask you to
judge them by the Scriptures.

The Selection of a Mate

I fully believe that God has a mate intended for everyone of His own whom He wills should
marry. I believe that in His knowledge and His love, He is preparing someone for you who will
exactly suit you, complement you, and fulfill you in your desires and needs, both at the time of
your marriage and throughout all your married life. We cannot see ahead; a person who may seem
to fit us now may in twenty years leave us feeling alone and unhappy.

It is generally thought that it is wrong to marry an unbeliever or someone "outside the meeting,"
but that marrying someone who is saved or in the meeting is all right and pretty much a matter
of one’s own choosing. It is certainly true that we are told to marry only in the Lord (1 Cor. 7:39)
which surely excludes all unsaved as well as those who are saved but who do not really
acknowledge Christ as the Lord or the authority in their lives. But I do not think that finding a
mate among the saved is merely a matter of chance or a lucky choice. God is preparing, molding
someone exactly for you and if you commit the whole choice to Him and ask Him simply to show
you that one, He will do it. The wait may be long (God has a work to do in you, too, to prepare
you for someone else), and the pain of loneliness and insecurity may be great, but the blessing will
abundantly make up for the suffering. If we take the matter into our own hands and go about
searching for one that suits us (who may be saved and a fine person), it may turn out that we are
happy and that everything seems fine. But we have cut ourselves short and will never know the
magnitude of happiness and growth and blessing which God had prepared for us had we let Him
choose.

In the above, I have been giving you the end results of my thinking. But I believe the basis for
these thoughts to be in Scripture. The account of God’s institution of marriage itself probably
provides the best example of His hand in it. God notes that Adam is alone and that he needs
someone suitable (Gen. 2:18). He fashions, prepares, creates a woman, a helpmate (someone to
help him, to care for him, to share with him) for Adam. And what is Adam doing during this
time? He is asleep, having absolutely nothing to do with it. God brings her (verse 22) to Adam
and presents her to Adam Himself. God could have created Eve and put her somewhere among
the other created beings for Adam to search for_the kind of process most believe we must go
through today. But instead He brings her to him, and Adam has absolutely no doubt who she is

and what is to be his relationship with her. That is really beautiful, is it not?

Genesis 24 is another good chapter to study in this connection. Many years ago at a Bible
conference, Luther Loucks spoke on this chapter, and I have never forgotten it. Abraham is often
presented to us as a type of the Father, especially as he offers up his only son. Here, too, he seems
to be that same type. He is deeply concerned over the marriage of his child, and he finds the wife
for Isaac, not Isaac for himself as we later read of Jacob doing (Gen. 29). He tells his servant
(which some have taken to be a type of the Holy Spirit) to be sure to choose a wife of his own
people and in no case to have his son go back into a land that did not contain the pro-mise (Gen.
24:3-8). The servant commits the whole thing to God in prayer and asks Him to show him the
right woman; and He does. At the end of the chapter, Rebecca’s actions are impressive. She goes
in faith, knowing only that it is of God (verse 50). And yet look how happy she is, how impressed
she is with just the sight of this man, who turns out to be the very one God has fitted her for. The
statement, "And he loved her," seems to be especially powerful in its extreme simplicity.
Abraham’s_the father’s_arranging of his son’s marriage is the perfect arrangement.

So it is important, I believe, to marry that one whom God has chosen_and we know beyond all
doubt that God has never chosen and will never choose an unbeliever as the mate of one of His
own.

The Meaning of Marriage

The selection of a mate is, of course, only the starting point. I have thought much of what
marriage really is, what it ought to be, and why it was instituted for us. I believe it was given to
us to be a revelation of Jesus Christ Himself_a way, a channel, so to speak, that leads us to know
and understand Him and His love.

God has a purpose in mind in all our human relationships_ they are not just things that happen
as a matter of course in human life. The New Testament is filled with terminology that we are able
to understand through our earthly relationships. God is presented as Father; Christ as Son; we as
sons and children of God; the Church as the Bride of Christ; Christ as the Bridegroom. Thus it
would seem that our earthly relationships, if we carry them out correctly, help us to understand
what God is. For example, when God tells us that every son whom He loves He chastens, we
understand this only in part until we become parents and experience how_ because we so love
our children and desire their ultimate good_we must inflict pain or deprivation on them. Not to
do so is really only selfishness, not love, as is often pleaded. But how it hurts a parent to have to
so discipline or chasten a child; and how it must hurt the Father to have to discipline us whom He
loves far more than any of us love our children.

Thus, from our human relationships we better understand God and Christ. But there is another
side to this. As we read the Scriptures and learn of Him, we learn the right way_the perfect
way_to carry out our human relationships. When we begin to know Christ as the Son, then we
know how we ought to behave in the position of son. Christ was in complete subjection to His
Father and always did that which was not His own will but His Father’s will. As we begin to know
God as Father, we see the perfect father and when we are troubled as *to what to do in a family

situation, our real question is_what would God, as Father, do?

What does all this have to do specifically with marriage? God has chosen the closest of all human
relationships_that of bridegroom and bride, of husband and wife_to express Christ and His
Church. Thus a Christian’s marriage should be such that it aids him (or her) greatly in the
understanding of what the relationship really is between Christ and His Church. If we carry out
the role of a bride presenting herself to her new husband, pure, adorned for him, wishing to please
him only, wholly taken up with him and with her loving of him, we understand what complete
absorption and total love Christ longs for His Bride to have for Him. As we live with our
husbands, if they are the ones God has chosen for us, I am sure God would have us learn of Christ
through them. They should show us such love that we begin to understand in far greater depth
what it means that Christ loves the Assembly_loved it enough to give Himself for it. And the
husband should be such that we as wives understand the beauty of the relationship of the Church’s
being subject to Christ. This relationship is not one of force on the part of Christ, nor is it one of
outwardly assenting to Christ as Head while inwardly going our own way through devious or
deceptive means (as we often see in marriages). But rather, the subjection of the Church to Christ
is built upon our tremendous desire to please Him, motivated by our respect for Him and
confidence in Him.

Of course, such a marital relationship has to be mutual. We should be able to see Christ through
each other, and how that draws us, not only to Christ, but so much closer to one another_and to
our knees, thanking God for the beauty of such a one He has chosen for us. It seems to me that
if we marry one of our own choosing or, worse yet, one who does not know Christ, then we must
cut our blessings short both for time and for eternity.

Marrying an Unbeliever

I come now to something that is of the utmost solemnity:what I believe happens when one who
is Christ’s marries one who is unsaved. God said when He instituted marriage that they two should
become one flesh, one body, a complete one-ness. It seems to me that in marrying an unsaved
one, one is joining his body which is a member of Christ and which is the temple of the Holy
Spirit (1 Cor. 6:15,19) to the body of another which is neither of those things. No doubt, this
situation is most grievous in the sight of God, although man may see nothing wrong with it.

Bringing Up the Children

Thus far, I have been talking in terms of principle, but I have one other thought, very practical,
that I am sure you must have thought about. We may marry one unsaved, and, while we will
definitely lose the real meaning and the true depth and beauty of marriage_the things we have
been speaking about_our marriage may seem in the eyes of men a good one and we may be
happy in some measure. But bringing children into such a situation that we have created is a grave
responsibility. And children may, in such a case, drive husband and wife apart, rather than draw
them together. If you truly love the Lord, you will want your children to grow up to love the Lord
also. This will not be of the least concern to an unsaved husband. Your judgment as to your
children’s behavior, activities, attitudes, ways of thinking, will go in one direction, your husband’s

in another. Your conscience will be continually convicting you if you follow his direction; you
two will be at continual variance if you follow the Lord’s direction. Your children’s understanding
of what marriage is and their respect for you both as parents will certainly fall far short of what
it should be. Your testimony to the world and to other Christians of those heavenly relationships
which the earthly ones express, will be non-existent as every aspect of your familial relationship
will be in disorder. God, of course, may come in and bless you in spite of your disobedience, but
you can never pursue your own will counting that God will do that for you.

I sympathize with you very greatly, ________. I know the anguish and pain of loving someone
very deeply when you know that he is not the one God would have for you. But I know, too, that
God will bless you beyond all you can imagine if you renounce the wrong way and follow God’s
way. And you will never be truly happy until you make that decision and act upon it completely
and totally. As long as you retain in your mind or heart the possibility that maybe in some way
you can have your will and God’s will too, you will be miserable. You may have times of
happiness, of course, but ultimately you will be anxiety-ridden and literally miserable. I think
marriage is of extreme importance to the life of a Christian and yet so little seems to be said about
it in our fellowship as a whole. Many of our young people have made and are making mistakes
in this area that will last a lifetime. Prayer is greatly needed. I believe what I have said to be the
mind of the Lord, and I hope it will be of value to you. If you wish to share some of your thinking
about my statements with your parents, I think that that would be wise. If anything I have said
seems in your minds to be in error in the light of Scripture and your knowledge of Christ, please
tell me. I would welcome your corrections.

Warmest love in our Saviour, Jesus Christ,

The fellowship of suffering_sharing the sorrows of the Son of God_is a blessed privilege which
angels cannot have, and which only those who follow Jesus through the valley of tears can know.

To do the will of God may be our service and portion for all eternity, but only here can we have
the suffering connected with it. I suppose that if our Lord were to answer the cry which is wrung
at times from our stricken hearts, "It is enough, O Lord, take away my life," by calling us
suddenly to His presence, we should wish we could return, even from thence, to suffer a little
longer for Him, and to learn those lessons only to be learned below. If the choice were ours,
would we choose to have less of sorrow now, and thus be less prepared for the place He is
preparing for us? Would we stay His hand by our unbelief, and be less fitted to reflect His glory
forever?

Fellowship in sorrow awakens the deepest chords of- our hearts; and these are needed for the full
realization of the highest notes of joy. It is the sympathetic touch of the Master’s hand that is
tuning His instrument for the music of heaven, for the "new song" in which only His redeemed
can join.

When we see the King in His beauty, and share His glory, shall we not rejoice to think we also
shared His sufferings? Crowned with everlasting joy, shall we not exclaim, amid the alleluias of
heaven, "Surely the sufferings of that past time were not worthy to be compared with the glory
now revealed in us! Light affliction, for a moment_a far more exceeding and eternal weight of
glory! Then we suffered with Him, now we reign!"

Let us look for a few moments at the question of growth as the apostle puts it before us here. The
spiritual growth of a babe into a man is produced in two ways. First, God in His discipline sets
trials and circumstances before the soul. These trials serve to awaken the heart and mind of the
believer, leading him out of various forms of selfishness and worldliness and into a greater sense
of God’s grace and goodness. Second, God shows us His perfect example of what he would have
us grow up to, and the soul is stimulated and encouraged to imitate this example. God puts Christ
before us that we may grow up into Christ (Eph. 4:15).

The admonition, therefore, of the apostle to the babes and young men_to the fathers he has
none_is to let nothing take away their eyes from Christ. He warns the babes as to antichrist, not
that he may perfect them in prophetical knowledge, but because in their little acquaintance as yet
with the truth of what Christ is, they might be led away into some deceit of the enemy. Satan’s
first snare for souls is some distorting error, which deforms to us the face of Christ in which alone
all the glory of God shines, or which substitutes for His face some counterfeit for the natural eye.
Through the subtlety of Satan, the heart becomes entangled unawares with this substitute,
supposing it to be the true and divine object. This is antichrist, though not yet the full denial of
the Father and the Son. "Even now there are many antichrists" (verse 18). Oh, that Christians
would realize more the immense value of truth! and the terrible and disastrous effect of error!

The apostle therefore warns the babes as to false Christs. The young men are not in the same
danger as to this. They are strong, the Word of God abides in them, and they have overcome the
wicked one. Their danger now lies in the allurements of a world into which their very energy is
carrying them. The word to these is, "Love not the world, neither the things that are in the world"
(verse 15). It is one thing to have seen by the Word that the world is under judgment, and another
thing to have viewed it in detail, counting it all loss for Christ. This, however, the fathers have
done; therefore he says to them _ and it is all he needs to say _ "Ye have known Him that is
from the beginning" (verses 13,14). There is nothing we gain by examining the world except to
be able to say of it, "How unlike Christ it is!" This the fathers have learned. And what do we do
when we have reached this? Has the "father" nothing more to learn? Oh, yes, he is but at the
beginning. He has only now his lesson book before him for undistracted learning. But he does not
need to be cautioned in the same way against mixing anything with Christ, and taking anything
else for Christ. How much toil to reach, and how slow we are in reaching, so simple a conclusion!
But then the joy of eternity begins. Oh, to have Him ever before us, unfolding His glories, as He
does to one whose eyes and whose heart are all for Him! The knowledge of the new man is,
"Christ is all!"

FRAGMENT
Those who dwell in spirit in the heavenly country take the tone of it, and grow in the things
wherein they find themselves.

Those who are wholehearted for Christ desire to be in His company. They instinctively direct their
steps to the place where He is known to be. Is there such a spot on earth? Yes, "Where two or
three are gathered together in My name, there am I in the midst of them" (Matt. 18:20). No one
who is truly conscious of the greatness and excellency of His Person, and of the blessedness of
communion with Him, would willingly be absent from that favored place. A neglected Lord’s
table, and a neglected prayer meeting, testify to the Laodicean state _to the lukewarmness_of
the heart toward Him. We read that in the early days of the assembly "they continued steadfastly
in the apostles’ doctrine and fellowship, and in breaking of bread, and in prayers" (Acts 2:42).
How sad that there should be such a lack of continuing steadfastly_of persevering now!

The Lord says to the Father, "In the midst of the church will I sing praise unto Thee" (Heb. 2:12).
Can we suppose that He fails to notice whether or not we are there to join in the song He leads?

In the coming day of review before the judgment seat of Christ (2 Cor. 5:10), how shall we take
the disclosure that self-indulgence, a little unfavorable weather, or a tiff with a brother or sister
in Christ, has outweighed with us all the mighty motives for a loving response to His wish, "This
do in remembrance of Me"?

It is deeply humbling to think that any who have tasted the Lord’s love can take advantage of not
having to work on the Lord’s day to spend its morning hours in bed, and that others can excuse
their absence from its meetings on the grounds of visiting, or receiving visits from friends.
Priceless opportunities of gratifying the heart of the Lord, and of showing our attachment to Him
in the scene of His rejection are thus wasted and lost.

It is mere mockery to repeat, "Come, Lord Jesus," and use glowing expressions of desire to be
with Him in glory, if, by our absence from His assembly, we betray our indifference to His
presence here.

Beloved, it is high time to awake out of sleep (Rom. 13:11; Eph. 5:14). May we take to heart the
solemn and impressive exhortation of the word, "Not forsaking the assembling of ourselves
together, as the manner of some is; but exhorting one another:and so much the more, as ye see
the day approaching" (Heb. 10:25).

It was easy in the freshness of "first love" to come early to the place where He manifests Himself
in such a peculiarly blessed way. Excuses were not made. Has He become less precious? The
moments we may thus spend together with Him on the earth which is stained with His blood are
swiftly passing away. Let us not willingly lose one of them.

It is touching to remember that no thought of all the sufferings that awaited Him, of Himself
presently becoming the true passover, "sacrificed for us," delayed the Lord’s appearing at His last
paschal feast. "When the hour was come, He sat down, and the twelve apostles with Him" (Luke
22:14). Oh, for a holy eagerness to be where, to faith, He is!

BALANCE OF THE SANCTUARY
Job 31:6 "LET ME BE WEIGHED IN AN EVEN BALANCE."

Thou shalt make pomegranates . . . round about the hem thereof (Exod. 28:33).

The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, long-suffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness,
temperance (Gal. 6:22,23).

Dan.5:27 "THOU ART WEIGHED IN THE BALANCES, AND"?

… and bells of gold between them round about (Exodus 28:33).

Be not . . . ashamed of the testimony of our Lord . . . but be thou partaker of the afflictions of
the gospel (2 Tim. 1:8).

The pomegranates, typifying spiritual fruit, and the golden bells, speaking of testimony, were to
be placed alternately around the hem of the high priest’s robe. How important is the balance that
is implied in this. Some of us may abound in the fruit of the Spirit, but yet bear a mute testimony
to others. Others of us may be very outspoken witnesses for Christ, and yet find our words put
to nought because of our failure to manifest spiritual fruit in our lives.

As we think back over the year gone by, many of us are impressed by the remarkable
growth_both physical and mental_exhibited by our little children in just one year’s time. But
this, in turn, reminds us afresh that we older ones, too, are growing. Or at least we ought to be!
It comes to our mind that we are often exhorted in the New Testament to grow, and that these
exhortations are given not merely to babes in Christ but to all believers. Consequently, each of
us is led to examine himself and to address the searching question to himself:"How much have
I grown, spiritually, this past year?"

If we desired to witness an example of rapid physical growth, we would be advised to observe a
well-nourished baby during the first few months of its life. And is it not likewise true that in order
to manifest steady spiritual growth, we must become, in certain respects, like an infant? The
apostle Peter exhorts:"Wherefore laying aside all malice, and all guile, and hypocrisies, and
envies, and all evil speakings, as newborn babes, desire the sincere milk of the Word, that ye may
grow thereby" (1 Peter 2:12). This in no way contradicts the verses in 1 Corinthians and Hebrews
which speak of our need to leave the milk and to go on to the solid food. The emphasis here is on
our craving for the Word of God and on our state of soul while feeding upon that "milk of the
Word."

If we are to grow by the milk of the Word, we need the teaching of the Holy Spirit. And in order
to be taught of the Spirit, we must exercise ourselves unto godliness, laying aside all malice, guile,
hypocrisies, envies, and evil speakings, so that the Spirit might not be grieved. Therefore, we are
called upon to be ever as newborn babes with respect to guile, malice, etc., coming, in the
consciousness of our own weakness, littleness, and ignorance, to receive food from the Word of
God.

It is not the acquiring of a mere intellectual knowledge of the Word which will provide spiritual
growth, but rather it is the laying hold of that grand Object presented in the Word, the One who
is known as "The Word" and who is the full expression of that Word. "Grow in grace, and in the
knowledge of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ," we are told (2 Peter 3:18). How we need, each
one of us, to learn the riches of His grace manifested in such varied and wondrous ways to His
saints (see Ephesians 1). How we need to be found ever "increasing in the knowledge of God"
(Colossians 1:10); entering more fully into the glories, perfections, ways, and purposes of the
Father and the Son; having our affections drawn out and centered in Christ.

Is there any end to such growth? The apostle Paul gives us the answer:"Till we all come . . . unto
the measure of the stature of the fulness of Christ" (Eph. 4:13). Which of us has attained it?

May there be a deep desire and prayerful longing in our hearts for the manifestation of steady
spiritual growth, both for ourselves and for each of our brothers and sisters in Christ_until that
blessed day comes when we shall be with Him and like Him and conformed to His image (1 John
3:2; Romans 8:29).