“Beloved, let us love one another:for love is of God; and every one who loves is born of God, and knows God. He who loves not knows not God; for God is love. In this was manifested the love of God toward us, because God sent His only begotten Son into the world, that we might live through Him. Herein is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us, and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins” (1 John 4:7-10).
Scripture does not give us a definition of love, and any definitions given in secular dictionaries will be found to be very inadequate. But while we may not be able adequately to define love, Scripture gives us some of the characteristics and manifestations of love. First of all, the text quoted above indicates that “love is of God” and “God is love.” This is the divine nature, the very nature of God. And this love has been manifested toward us in God’s sending His only begotten Son into the world to be the propitiation for our sins. Thus this love has a self-sacrificial quality in it. God, in his love, gave His Son; Christ, in His love, gave Himself. “Christ also has loved us, and has given Himself for us an offering and a sacrifice to God for a sweet-smelling savor” (Eph. 5:2). “Christ also loved the Church, and gave Himself for it” (Eph. 5:25).
This love is not dependent on any quality or response found in the object of the love. “God commends His love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us” (Rom. 5:8). This love is above all circumstances. It is far different from the “love” so prevalent in this world that ebbs and flows according to the behavior of the object loved. As another has expressed it:“The ‘love’ here has no source in the creature; it ‘is of God’; and if God were not the spring and power, not a soul could be saved, nor a saint walk in His love. For love knows how to bring out all the resources of grace where man lies in utter ruin. See it in Christ who died for our sins, and lives to be Advocate with the Father. What love in both ways!” (W. Kelly, Exposition of the Epistles of John).
This same love is part of the new nature given to all who are born of God. Thus we are exhorted to “love one another.” Again, let us emphasize, this love of which we speak is independent of the love of others toward us. Remember the words of our Lord Jesus Christ, “If you love those who love you, what reward have you? do not even the publicans the same?” (Matt. 5:46). Again quoting another:“The great principle laid down here is that after we have been born of God and are partakers of the divine nature, we will not wait for people to love us, to behave themselves in a way satisfactory to us, but however they behave themselves we will go on loving them just the same. That is divine love manifested through the new nature” (H. A. Ironside, Addresses on the Epistles of John.)
Characteristics of Love
Let us now consider some of the specific characteristics of love. For this we turn to the “love” chapter, 1 Corinthians 13. (In quoting from this chapter we will read “love” in place of the word “charity.”)
“Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, and have not love, I am become as sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal. And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries, and all knowledge; and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, and have not love, I am nothing.” The greatest spiritual gifts are worth nothing if manifested apart from love. If I am displaying my gift in a way to gain for myself the glory and acclaim of men, there is no love in it, only selfishness. Love would lead me to use my gift to help others achieve God’s highest purposes and blessings for them, whatever the cost to me.
“And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, and have not love, it profits me nothing.” You may ask, “But how could anyone do these things apart from love?” The answer is that one might do such things out of selfishness, expecting something in return, such as the praise of men, the favor or mercy of God, or the like.
“Love suffers long” or literally, “Love has a long temper.” It counts to ten (or a thousand), so to speak. Love shows self-restraint in not hastily retaliating in the face of provocation. “The Lord … is longsuffering toward us, not willing that any should perish” (2 Pet. 3:9).
“[Love] is kind.” “Be kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake has forgiven you” (Eph. 4:32). “He [God] is kind unto the unthankful and to the evil” (Luke 6:35).
“Love envies not” or really, “Love is never jealous.” Do we not often become unhappy when others are preferred before us? This is selfishness. Love delights to see our brother or neighbor or colleague honored and esteemed. “Rejoice with those who do rejoice” (Rom. 12:15).
“Love vaunts not itself, is not puffed up.” Love does not boast, or brag, or in any way draw attention to itself. Neither does it become puffed up in pride of self and its abilities, accomplishments, genealogy, or offspring.
“[Love] does not behave itself unseemly,” that is, in an unbecoming or shameful manner. And not only must we guard against behaving in a shameful manner, but let us remember that “it is a shame even to speak of those things that are done of them in secret” (Eph. 5:12).
“[Love] seeks not her own.” What is it that occupies our attention and energies the most:seeking to promote our own interests, reputation, wealth, or honor, or those of the Lord and of our fellow men? “Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others” (Phil. 2:4).
“[Love] is not easily provoked” or stimulated to anger. We read, “Be angry, and sin not” (Eph. 4:26). The next time you find yourself angry toward someone, ask yourself whether your anger is due solely to that person’s sin against God, or whether it may be because that person, in sinning, has offended or slighted you personally.
“[Love] thinks no evil,” that is, “love does not reckon up or calculatingly consider the evil done to it (something more than refraining from imputing motives)” (W. E. Vine, An Expository Dictionary of New Testament Words). This characteristic of love goes hand in hand with the preceding characteristic. We may perhaps be able to control our anger, but if we reckon up the evil done to us and hold in our hearts a grudge or some bitterness and resentment toward the evildoer, this again is selfishness and not love. We will never be able to help that person see and judge his sin as long as we are in such a state ourselves. How easy it is to respond to the sin or evil of another by committing a sin ourselves. This is sometimes the most difficult type of sin for a Christian to recognize and judge since he is so intent on concentrating on the sin committed by the other person.
“[Love] rejoices not in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth.” How little do we realize the perverse pleasure we sometimes receive from seeing our brother or our neighbor fall into sin. It may be that a brother or a sister has once rebuked you for a fault or a sin in your life. Unless you have taken this rebuke in a spirit of love, there will be a tendency for you to gloat, inwardly at least, if you learn of that other brother or sister committing a sin.
“[Love] bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.” “Bears” here means “to hold out against something that threatens,” and “endures” means “to bear up courageously and patiently under a trial.” Again, it is self-love, or the opposite of the divine love of which we are speaking, that leads us to give in to the enemy of our souls or to break down under a severe trial. Love believes and hopes all things, that is, love is not prone to be suspicious, but rather credits people with the best possible motives. How prone we are, on the contrary, to make snap judgments of people and their actions. Sometimes it almost seems as if we prefer to believe and hope the worst about people.
Love in the Marriage Relationship
Here are expressions sometimes spoken by married persons:“I wish my husband would try to understand me.” “My wife just is not meeting my needs.” “What am I getting out of this marriage?”
John 3:16 does not say, “God loved the world so that He could get love in return.” Rather, “He gave!” If we give to our mate with the idea of getting something in return, we may often be disappointed. We may come to the point of saying, “Forget it. I will never try to give him/her anything again.” But this is not love; it is not the way God has loved each one of us.
Loving is giving, giving, giving, and giving some more. How much did Christ love us? How much did He give? “Walk in love, as Christ also has loved us and has given himself for us an offering … to God” (Eph. 5:2).
In a study of 750 couples with marital difficulties, the most commonly reported problem was a partner who was in love with himself or herself. The second most common problem reported by these couples was indifference on the part of one of the partners. Both of these problems—selfishness and indifference—are opposites of the love that is a fruit of the Spirit.
Husbands:Do you love your wife? Wives:Do you love your husband? Really? Do you love your partner sacrificially, just as Christ loved the Church? Are you willing to give up some or all of your own interests, time, friends, hobbies, and/or pleasures in order to bring your wife or husband the greatest pleasure and happiness? Have you ever tried to find out what things make your partner happy? If you knew that your wife hated some activity that you enjoy, would you give it up, or greatly cut back on it, in order to spend time with her doing things she likes to do?
You may ask, “What if I am the only one who gives? What if my partner receives it all without giving anything in return?” First, you may need to become more alert to—and show appreciation for—the little bit of love your partner does show to you. You may even have to ask others to help you to overcome your blind spot concerning the love that your partner shows to you. But even if you cannot find any evidence of loving or giving by your partner, you have the glorious privilege of loving and giving as Christ did—who died for the ungodly, for sinners, and for His enemies (Rom. 5:6-10). Dear brother or sister, be encouraged to persist in this activity of true love! “Be not weary in well doing, for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not” (Gal. 6:9). I have no doubt that God has prepared special rewards for those who are content to give and give and give without receiving anything in return.
May our hearts be challenged as we study from Scripture what “love”—the divine love that is God’s very nature—is, and what its characteristics are. Does love characterize our behavior toward God and toward our fellow men? Or are we living for self, seeking our own things? “For all seek their own, not the things that are Jesus Christ’s” (Phil. 2:21).
“Let us not love in word, neither in tongue; but in deed and in truth” (1 John 3:18).
There is a vast difference between preaching love and living it. It is easy to preach it, for it is claiming it from others for our own ease. But living it is quite another thing, for in a scene such as we are going through, in which every expression of the God of love finds opposition, there can be no practice of what is really love save in self-denial and suffering.
(From Help and Food, Vol. 24.)
Peter tells us to add to godliness, brotherly affection (2 Pet. 1:7). That is to say, mere godliness will not do; we must have with godliness the warmth of Christian friendship, brotherly affection. How stiffly, hardly, with what grinding and creaking, the machine sometimes moves, and perhaps won’t move at all, until a few drops of oil make it all right and smooth. So is love among brethren. Love surmounts the difficulties of the day, conquers coldness and apathy, and goes forth winning the hearts of the saints in order to serve them.
(By E.J. Thomas in The Bible Treasury, Vol. N8.)