What is bitterness? Let us look at some people in the Bible who were bitter.
Esau “cried with a great and exceeding bitter cry” when he learned that his twin brother Jacob had cheated him out of his father’s blessing (Gen. 27:30-35; also Heb. 12:15-17).
The Egyptians made the lives of the children of Israel “bitter with hard bondage, in mortar, and in brick” (Exod. 1:13,14). Later, an even greater load was laid upon the Israelites when they were required to gather the straw to make brick as well as making the bricks, with no reduction in the daily output of finished product (Exod. 5:6-14).
After losing her husband Elimelech and both her sons, Mahlon and Chilion, Naomi said, “Call me Mara, for the Almighty has dealt very bitterly with me” (Ruth 1:3-5,20,21).
Hannah “was in bitterness of soul” because of being childless and the constant provocations by her husband’s other wife, Peninnah (1 Sam. 1:2-10).
Mordecai “cried with a loud and a bitter cry” when he learned that the king had signed a decree to exterminate the Jews from the land (Esth. 3:12-4:3).
Job complained, “God … breaks me with a tempest, and multiplies my wounds without cause. He will not suffer me to take my breath, but fills me with bitterness” (Job 9:13-18; also 10:1; 13:26; 23:2).
Peter “went out and wept bitterly” after denying His Lord three times (Matt. 26:69-75).
That same Peter later diagnosed in Simon the sorcerer “the gall of bitterness, and in the bond of iniquity” after Simon had sought to purchase the power to give the Holy Spirit to people (Acts 8:17-23).
Causes of Bitterness
What were the causes of these people’s bitterness? Perhaps the predominant reason was their perception (rightly or wrongly) of being treated unfairly. Esau, the children of Israel in Egypt, Naomi, Hannah, Mordecai, and Job all chafed under the intense injustice of their situation. One can just hear them crying, “Why me?” Of course, we are allowed to view each of these situations from God’s perspective and can see that in each case God was testing His people and in most cases preparing them for a blessed outcome to their trial. Some of these instances of unfair treatment could have been avoided by more godly treatment on the part of the antagonist (such as Esau’s father and brother, Egypt’s Pharaoh, and Hannah’s husband).
The cause of Simon Peter’s bitter weeping was just the opposite—the realization of how horribly and unfairly he had treated His Lord.
What about Simon the sorcerer (sometimes referred to as Simon Magus in extra-biblical literature)? Why did Peter label him as having “the gall of bitterness”? Wasn’t Simon simply being covetous and proud? The earlier description of Simon may shed some light on this:“There was a certain man, called Simon, who beforetime in the same city used sorcery, and bewitched the people of Samaria, giving out that himself was some great one:to whom they all gave heed, from the least to the greatest, saying, This man is the great power of God. And to him they had regard, because that of long time he had bewitched them with sorceries” (Acts 8:9-11). So it wasn’t that Simon wanted something he didn’t have. When the apostles came to Samaria and demonstrated far greater power than he possessed, Simon became bitter about losing the adulation and worship of the people of Samaria who were turning to Christ and receiving the gift of the Holy Spirit. No doubt there was also “bitter envying” in Simon’s heart (Jas. 3:14) that carried over from the underlying animosity between the Samaritans and the Jews.
Exhortations Concerning Bitterness
With these examples in mind, let us see what the inspired apostolic writers of Scripture have to say about bitterness.
The apostle Paul writes, “Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice; and be kind one to another, tender-hearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake has forgiven you” (Eph. 4:31,32). It may be difficult to tease distinct meanings out of the words bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, evil speaking, and malice. He uses all of them, along with their opposites in the following verse, to make sure the reader gets the point. However, “bitterness” seems to have the quality of sharpness or harshness, making biting comments, nasty putdowns, and cruel gossip.
The apostle Paul also writes, “Husbands, love your wives and be not bitter against them” (Col. 3:19). What would cause a husband to be bitter toward his wife? Solomon suggests some possibilities:“It is better to dwell in a corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman in a wide house” (Prov. 21:9; 25:24). “It is better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and an angry woman” (Prov. 21:19). “A continual dropping in a very rainy day and a contentious woman are alike” (Prov. 27:15; 19:13). In addition, a husband who has a difficult time with his boss or fellow employees may tend to take it out on his wife. He doesn’t dare say anything to his boss for risk of losing his job, and he comes home expecting compassion and sympathy from his wife. However, if his wife has had a difficult day at home and greets her husband with, “Honey, would you please change junior’s diaper and entertain him while I fix supper?” that might throw him over the edge if he is not careful.
The exhortation of Scripture is for husbands not to be bitter against their wives. Do wives ever have reason to be bitter toward their husbands? Hannah certainly did, and so do many other wives. But the admonition that the apostle gives to husbands must certainly apply to wives as well:“Be not bitter against them.”
What if we are treated unfairly or unjustly. Do we have a right to be bitter? No doubt the best thing to do in this situation is to consider the One who was treated more unfairly and unjustly by far than anyone in the history of man. How did this Man respond to such treatment? He prayed, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do” (Luke 23:34).
A Root of Bitterness
I have encountered personally or heard of a number of professed Christians who have been totally consumed with bitterness for years and years. One woman continued to be bitter toward her husband for many years after he died because of the way he had treated her. What a physical, emotional, and spiritual toll that woman’s bitterness took on her! Another woman was bitter toward her sister because she perceived that her sister had received a larger share of their parents’ inheritance. It wasn’t that the woman was impoverished and her sister wealthy. Far from it. It was simply the perceived unfairness of it all that consumed her with bitterness. I cannot help but think that if she had simply cast that burden upon the Lord (Psa. 55:22) she would have ended up infinitely more wealthy materially, emotionally, and spiritually. Also, she would have had more friends.
Just a couple of weeks ago as I write this, in November 2008, an inmate at the Baltimore City Detention Center told me that he had come to realize that a root of bitterness in him was the underlying cause of his criminal activity and incarceration. Since I had never heard an inmate express such an insight in my 24 years of prison ministry, I asked him to tell me more about it. He said that he had been bitter toward his mother for many years (I did not ask him to elaborate). When he got married, he transferred his bitterness to his wife. That ultimately led to adultery, divorce, substance abuse, other kinds of criminal activity, and incarceration.
What a horrible bondage it is to be enmeshed in a root of bitterness! It is hurtful to everyone around. It totally destroys the Christian’s testimony for the Lord. And the one who is filled with bitterness is hurt most of all—among the most miserable persons on the planet.
Deliverance from Bitterness
Can one ever be delivered from bitterness? Let us look at the rest of the stories of Naomi, Hannah, Mordecai, and Job.
The Lord gave Naomi’s daughter-in-law Ruth to her as a gentle encourager. Ruth, by going about her business of providing a living for herself and her mother-in-law, and by sharing with Naomi the ways the Lord was blessing her each day, helped to restore to Naomi an appreciation of the grace of God (Ruth 2:20-22). Ultimately, great honor came to Naomi as the mother-in-law of the great-grandmother of King David.
Hannah simply committed her cause to the Lord:“If Thou wilt … give unto Thine handmaid a man child, then I will give him unto the LORD all the days of his life” (1 Sam. 1:11). Before long we hear Hannah exulting, “My heart rejoices in the LORD, my horn is exalted in the LORD … I rejoice in Thy salvation” (1 Sam. 2:1), and her son Samuel ultimately became one of the most renowned leaders in the history of the children of Israel.
Mordecai marshaled all of the Jews living in Shushan to engage in a three day fast that the LORD might change the heart of the king (Esth. 4:16). In the end, we find not only the cause for Mordecai’s bitterness removed but Mordecai himself promoted to be “next unto King Ahasuerus and great among the Jews” (Esth. 10:2,3).
Job, after losing his children, his wealth, and his health, became bitter toward God for the seeming injustice of these losses. However, the LORD worked with him and revealed Himself more fully to Job so that Job could say in the end, “I abhor myself and repent in dust and ashes” (Job 43:6). “So the LORD blessed the latter end of Job more than his beginning” (43:12).
My dear reader, are you nursing bitterness, resentment, or a grudge in your heart toward God or another person. You may be placing an inordinate focus on a loss that you have experienced or an injustice you have endured. However, the Lord has something far better in mind for you, something that will cause you totally to forget your loss or injustice. He may even now be using another believer to encourage you to get your focus off yourself and onto the Lord (as Ruth did with Naomi). He may be speaking to you directly (as He did with Job). Or He may want you to turn to Himself in prayer and fasting (as did Hannah and Mordecai) as you seek a reversal of the cause of your bitterness or else deliverance from the bitterness itself.
Of one thing you can be sure:if you continue nursing and pampering your bitterness, you will never discover the blessing the Lord had in mind for you when he sent you the trial in the first place.
“Cast your burden upon the LORD, and He shall sustain you:He shall never suffer the righteous to be moved” (Psa. 55:22).