A writer in a well-known
magazine of Christian psychology states that a person must first love himself
before he can love others. He supports this statement by quoting Mark 12:31-33:
"Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself."
Another contemporary Christian
writer opposes this view and says that the verse does not mean love your
neighbor as you should love yourself, but love your neighbor as you are
so apt to love yourself. He also says we should not accept ourselves as we are,
but acknowledge our unworthiness and ask God to make us what we ought to be.
Is one of these men right and
the other wrong? I believe they are both right but about different aspects of
human personality. We should never love ourselves in the sense of wanting to
please ourselves, or have our own way; or in the sense of being puffed up over
ourselves, our accomplishments, our genealogy, our socioeconomic status. This
is the kind of self-love concerning which the apostle Paul warns Timothy as
being characteristic of the last days:"Men shall be lovers of their own
selves" (2 Tim. 3:2). We should never accept any aspect of sin in
ourselves, but should always judge it in humility before God. Neither must we
accept or be satisfied with our measure of spiritual growth or attainment. If
we are really going on with the Lord, we will feel keenly how far short we come
as to our knowledge of Christ and of His Word, our devotedness to Him, our
consistency of walk, our obedience to His Word and will, our practical
sanctification unto Himself, our service for Him, and our use and development
of the gifts He has given us.
But there are ways, set forth in
Scripture, in which it is right and proper to love ourselves. One such
Scripture has already been quoted:"Thou shalt love thy neighbor as
thyself." Another passage akin to this is Eph. 5:28, 29:"So ought
men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth
himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth
it, even as the Lord the Church." If the self-love referred to here is
sinful, then as we grow in our relationship with Christ, we will be delivered
from this self-love; but note well that at the same time we will be delivered
from love for our neighbor and love for our wife! The clear implication of Eph.
5:28 is that a man would have to stop loving his wife in order to stop loving
himself!
The key to understanding these Scriptures
is to realize that it is agape love referred to in Eph. 5:28 and Mark
12:31, 33, whereas it is philia love in 2 Tim. 3:2. Agape love
is a self-sacrificing, giving kind of love, that love which characterizes
God—"God is love." Philia love, on the other hand, is more a
pleasure-seeking, self-seeking, getting land of love.* But, you ask, how can I
love myself with a selfless kind of love? This seems like a contradiction of
terms. Perhaps it would help if we recalled that we are not our own, but bought
with a price (1 Cor. 6:19, 20); that we are God’s creatures, His instruments,
His vessels, His servants; that we are members of the body of Christ and
temples of the Holy Spirit. Do we not desire to nourish and cherish—take the
best possible care of—ourselves; and not just with respect to the needs of our
bodies, but the needs of our souls and spirits as well? Thus, if I have agape
love for myself, I will, for example, abstain from alcohol and from heavy
meals in order to keep my mind alert that I might be "ready always"
to serve the Lord. Also, I will feed my soul and spirit daily with that
heavenly bread, the Word of God, that I might be able to respond to the cares
of this life on a spiritual plane.
(* The reader is referred to the
July, 1970, issue of Words of Truth far a fuller exposition of the
difference between these two Greek words for "love.")
If I have agape love for
myself, I will also accept with thankfulness the way God made me. Whatever I
may possess in talents, abilities, temperament, personality, intelligence,
beauty, or physical health and strength are gifts from God. Whatever I lack in
any of these areas is also a gift from God, for He has distributed these
characteristics according to His infinite wisdom, in keeping with the perfect
plan He has for my life.
A person who feels dissatisfied
with himself, who envies other people because he supposes them to be superior
to himself with respect to certain characteristics, this person cannot fully
love others. Much of his energy will be used in attempting to drag others down
or to build himself up in his own mind or in the mind of others. A person who
does not like the mind or body he was born with is actually complaining against
God and accusing Him of being unfair.
God does not expect us to use
talents we do not have. He does expect each one of us to develop and use the
talents He has given us for His honor and glory (not ours). He also expects us
to develop those inner qualities which are listed in Galatians 5 as fruit of
the Spirit. Each of us has a special place in the body of Christ that only we
can fill. To best fill this position, let us accept our mental and physical
selves as God has made us, and concentrate on developing our spiritual selves
and the fruit of the Spirit.