Repentance on a sick-bed, with no prospect of recovery ; repentance for having wasted the love of Jesus, for having wasted my life; for having lived to please self instead of Him who, to save me, had given up everything, even His life; for having brought grief upon those who loved me best on earth and had taught me the right way!
Being young myself, I address you especially, my young friends. Do you not think that repentance under such circumstances means great depths of anguish ? Ah, let no one tell me there is no hell! If here, where the beams of God's forgiving grace and love mitigate so much the sorrows of repentance, one can suffer so at the remembrance of sin, what will it be for those whose load of sin will torment them forever without hope?
No doubt having sinned against much light has greatly added to the pains of repentance. I was taught in the way of the Lord, and had light shed abundantly on my path at an early age. I was well acquainted with the great Sacrifice for sin ; indeed, so familiar had it become, that it did not call forth a proper reverence and love for it in my soul. I desired to be good, but the awfulness of sin revealed in the cross of Christ did not possess me; nor did I know the horror of being given over to the iniquity of one's own heart, and to the sense of an utter separation from God. The childish faith had no root; so, when the temptations and pleasures of Satan's court presented themselves, they allured. One little thing inconsistent with a conscience educated by the word of God, then another, and so on, crept in and took hold; and once on the downward road, who knows where the stopping-place will be ?
Again I say, Oh, the horror of half-heartedness; of a protesting conscience with a heart in the world; of the knowledge of truth with the feet in the paths of sin; of knowing about what can fully satisfy and yet not possessing it, but running after what gratifies for the moment and then stings like an adder!
But if, indeed, we are great sinners, "God who is rich in mercy, for His great love wherewith He loved us," can so shine into us as to scatter our darkness, bring us to the feet of Jesus to weep out our sins, and hear Him say, "Thy sins are forgiven." How sweet, then, is the great sacrifice for sin which He made on the cross! How sweet the fellowship with Him and with His Father! How bright all is above! How true the rest of conscience He gives! How holy the peace which fills the heart! Truly, He came not for the worthy, but for the needy.
The wasted life remains instead of a life of fruit-fulness-an eternal loss; but what knowledge of the God of all patience and long-suffering is my portion forever! Who that knows Him in His true character will not praise and worship Him!
My soul now cleaves to Jesus. When I suffer, no matter how much, I know He suffered more, far more. When I am thrown back on my unworthiness, I think of the glories of His person and of the infinite value there is in the sacrifice He made. I needed Him in my misery to unburden it all upon Him; now I need Him in my rejoicings to pour upon Him the adoration of my soul.
And now you, young men and young women, who, like me, have been trained in the Word and ways of God, and, like me also, are in danger of being allured by the world, I entreat you, be warned. Cleave to Jesus. Value His great sacrifice for sin. Be not half-hearted. Let the ruling passion of your life be to spend and be spent for Him. If you have already departed from Him in any measure, go no further; return, fall at His feet; He will forgive you all and wash you clean, and send you on to where I cannot go any more-to His blessed service, in whatever path of life that may be.
I may be with Him when this reaches you. Let a dying, sorrowing, yet rejoicing sister be a warning to you. Maude M. Chapman