(Concluded from page 269.)
I am sometimes asked,"What do you consider the secret of successful training ?" I answer, "beginning soon enough-not letting Satan get the advantage of us at the start."That is the secret of success."Well, but," mothers say, "it is so hard to chastise an infant." There is seldom need for chastisement where mothers begin early and wisely. There is a way of speaking to and handling an infant compatible with the utmost love and tenderness, which teaches it that mother is not to be trifled with ; that, although she loves and caresses, she is to be obeyed, and will be obeyed; and a child that is trained in this way, will not, as a rule, attempt to resist. In exceptional cases it may be tempted to become obstreperous, and the mother must show her authority.
Take an illustration. We will suppose your son of six months old is in a fractious mood, and indisposed to take his morning nap ; his nurse has put him in his cot and struggled till she is tired, and the child is tired too. At last you come and take the baby, after he has been rolling and tumbling about, and lay him down with a firm hand, saying with a firm voice, "Baby must lie still and go to sleep," putting your hand on him at the same time to prevent his rising in the cot or turning over after you have spoken. Now, if this child for the previous three months has been trained in this line, if this is not the beginning, he will, as a natural consequence, lie still and go to sleep; but if he has not been accustomed to this kind of handling, he will perhaps become boisterous, and resist you; if so, you must persevere. You must on no account give up; no, not if you stop till night. If he conquers you this time he will try harder next, and it will get more and more difficult. Almost all mothers mistake here; they give up because they will not inflict on themselves the pain of a struggle, forgetting that defeat now only ensures endless battles in the future.
Remember, you must conquer in the first battle, whatever it may be about, or you are undone. "Ah, but what time and patience this requires !" Yes, but it is only for once or twice; and what is that compared with the time and toil of conquering further on ? But you say, " It is so hard." Not half so hard as the other way; for when the child finds the mother is not to be got over, he will yield as a matter of course. I have proved it, I think, with some strong-willed children as ever came into this world. I conquered them six and ten months old, and seldom had to contend with any direct opposition after. I have a son who is now preaching the gospel, and a great joy to my heart. The only decided battle I ever fought with him was at ten months old. I do not say that he never disobeyed me afterwards-he sometimes forgot himself, and was disobedient-but I do say that I never remember him setting his will in direct antagonism to mine in all the succeeding years of his childhood. It was a painful struggle- that first contest, but has not the result paid for it a thousand times ?
O mothers, if you love your children, begin early to exact obedience. If chastisement be necessary, inflict it; and for every pang you suffer, every tear you shed, you shall reap comfort, honor, and glory.
But, perhaps there are some mothers who are saying, "Ah, I see it now; but it is too late; my children are too old." I say, Better late than never. Begin and do all you can. Perhaps you can never undo all the mischief, but you may part of it. Call your children around you; confess your past unfaithfulness in your dealings with them, fall on your knees before the Lord with them, and tell Him of your failure to train them for Him, and ask His help to enable you to do it in the future. Begin at once to exact obedience. Be judicious and forbearing, remembering that your children's habits of disobedience are the results of your own folly, and deal as gently as the case will permit; but, at all costs, secure obedience, and never more allow your commands to be trifled with. Now is your only chance; a few more years, and it is too late.
Do not be afraid to use your authority. One would think, to hear some parents talk of their relations with their children, that they did not possess an iota of power over them. All they dare to do seems to be to reason, to persuade, to coax. There is no command, no firmness, no decision, no authority, and the child knows it by its instincts just as an animal would. Men are much wiser in breaking in and training their horses than their sons, hence they generally get much better served by the former than the latter!
What a contrast the conduct and fate of Eli present in this respect to the conduct of Abraham! "I know him," said Jehovah, "that he will command his children and his household after him." Not merely remonstrate, persuade, and threaten, as Eli did, but "command"-he will use his authority on My side; and as a consequence, the Lord promised that "they should keep the way of the Lord."
Another important point in training a child in the way it should go is to train it in the practice of truth and integrity. Human nature is said to go "astray from the birth-speaking lies! " and, doubtless, untruthfulness is one of the most easily besetting and prevalent sins of our race. To counteract this tendency, and to establish the soul in habits of truth and sincerity, must be one of the first objects of right training. In order to do this, parents should beware of palliating or excusing the tendency to falsehood in their children. In nothing have I been more amazed than in this. I have actually seen mothers smile at, and almost extol, the little artifices of their children in their attempts to deceive them, and to hide some childish delinquency. No wonder that such parents fail to inspire their offspring with that wholesome dread of falseness which is one of the safeguards to virtue in after-life.
No mother will succeed in begetting in her child a greater antipathy towards any sin than she feels for it herself. Children are the quickest of all analysts, and instinctively detect in a moment all affectation of goodness. They judge not so much from what we say as how we feel. Take an illustration. A person calls to see you whose society your child knows that you neither esteem nor desire, but you are all smiles and gracious words as if her visit has given you very great pleasure. What more effectual lesson could you give your wondering little one in deception and double dealing than this ? And yet how common is this kind of thing in many households! A child hurts himself against the table:the mother strikes it, and says, "Oh! naughty table! you have hurt baby;" but the child soon learns that the table was not to blame, and at the same time learns to distrust his mother, who said it was.
Again, Charlie is ill, and it is needful for him to take a dose of unpleasant medicine; but he has been so badly trained that his mother knows he will not take it if she tells him it is nasty. So she resorts to stratagem, and tells him that she has got something good, and thus coaxes him to take it into his mouth, but before it is swallowed he detects the cheat, and medicine and mother's veracity are spit out together. In this way thousands of children are taught deception and untruth, and you may labor in vain in after-years to make them truthful and sincere-the soil has been ruined by early abuse.
Mother, if you want your child to be truthful and sincere, you must not only teach it to be so, you must be so yourself, and see that your child practices what you teach. You must not wink at, or cover up any falseness or deception in him, because he is yours. Sin should be the more awful to you because you see it in those so dear, and those for whom you are responsible.
Oh mothers, don't be deceived if you want your children to be the Lord's when they grow up; if you want your boy to withstand the unknown temptations of the future-if you want him to come out a man of righteous principle, integrity, and honor- superior to all the doubleness, chicanery, and devilry of the world, you must train him to look upon everything as dross compared with the joy of a pure conscience and Gad's approval. If you want your daughter to be a true woman, willing to sacrifice and to suffer in the interest of humanity and truth, you must inspire her now with a contempt for the baubles for which so many women barter their lives and their souls-you must teach her that she must live for Eternity. Day by day, as it flies, you must labor to wake up your children's souls to the realization of the fact that they belong to God, and that He has sent them into the world, not to look after their own little petty, personal interests, but to devote themselves to the promotion of His; and that in doing this, they will find happiness, usefulness, and glory. – The Message.